Why are some women so nasty?

[ForOliveShaker]

I’d say I’m a woman’s woman. I’m all for supporting other women.
I work with this lady who I’ve always felt just feels a certain way towards me. It’s been noticed by others too.

1. when I got a new car she said “that’s yours? Why did you get that? What did you need a new car for?”
2. arrived at the summer work gathering and she said “oh that’s a really nice dress you look amazing….fucking bitch” (at the time we were closer freiends but regardless that’s not what you say. Particularly as I was just going through a heartbreaking separation where my ex just got up and left me)
3. She Kept commenting on my weight during my heartbreak. I couldn’t really eat or sleep without crying. At first it wasn’t too bad. But after a while it was constant. I snapped one day and said “just stop”
4. at any opportunity she has. She discusses money matters. I am an only child but I’ve been raised to remember money matters are private as we don’t know what others are experiencing.
5. I was telling her privately in the office that I was a bit drunk after our last work night out. She shouted it across the office to another colleague.
6. during my heartbreak, as aforementioned, I couldn’t eat. She kept shouting across the office how much ozempic she’s taking. It almost seemed like she was in a bid to compete

I don’t know whether she’s just bothered by me. I’ve taken my distance. But at work it’s very uncomfortable to handle someone who seems to always see things as a competition. I know she would berate me behind my back too.

what do I do?

I don't know. I really don't understand it. Surely it's more effort to be cruel.

There's a thread on here I wanted to get involved in, but it's just full of bitching about people's looks.

It's so disheartening

I'm sorry she's treating this way. Do you feel strong enough to call her out on it?

You work in the same place so you can't break contact, but you could avoid telling her anything personal, like that you'd had too much to drink. If she says 'fucking bitch' in a jokey way, you could look shocked and say 'What???' rather than ignoring it. If she makes comments about your financial situation or your weight you could pointedly change the subject.

I have a feeling that she's trying to be friendly but going about it the wrong way!

It’s not friendly to call someone a fucking bitch. Joke or not a joke. That’s just my take.

Basically they never did the work why they fucked up without therapy.

Not your problem.

True, but some people regularly say 'I hate her' or 'bitch!' or similar if someone loses weight or looks particularly good. It's a way of expressing admiration/envy and she had just said you looked 'amazing'. I'm not saying that you should enjoy these comments but they may have a weirdly friendly intention behind them.

Lots of women are lovely.

Quite a few are rabid, insecure bitches who are mean for no discernable reason. The problem is theirs, not yours. Try not to let it get to you if poss, just minimise interactions as best as you can.

I think it’s less friendly and more vindictive. I.e. I want what you have and I won’t compliment you. So I’ll create a burning insecurity within you, because I’ve never had therapy and project my unbalanced emotions

I wish I had more female friends to be honest. I just find them hard to deal with. I have majorly reduced my interactions with her now. I’m actually just a bit blunt with it now. The comments wore away at me.

She sounds like someone who is trying to be friendly, and joking with you.

You two don't seem to quite click, you have different senses of humour. That's fine, you don't have to be everyone's cup of tea.

Keep it polite and cordial at work, exchange mundane chit chat and don't overthink things.

Sounds jealous.

why women though? If you are just talking about one specific woman, why not just 'why are some people so nasty?'

If you are such a 'woman's woman' why would you immediately jump to assuming her sex is somehow relevant to her being unpleasant rather than just thinking she is an unpleasant individual?

She does compliment you sometimes. It might feel better to give her the benefit of the doubt and see this as clumsy friendliness rather than spite.

"Why do I not get on with this one woman?", you might have titled this thread.

She sounds a bit tactless and not your cup of tea. Then again, some of the things on your list are just things you don't like about her - like that she discusses money and you don't, or she says she's taking Ozempic, well so what? Assume it's nothing personal until it clearly is.

I think she sees you as mates and you firmly see her as a colleague/acquaintance and find her overbearing

I had a colleague like this, she thought she could criticise what I was wearing or accuse me of dossing after I was off sick - I thought she had it in for me and kept my distance

No. That is my sense of humour. However, I know myself. That no matter how good someone looked. The only reason I’d call them a bitch is if I was bothered by them.

Lets not over complicate this.

It feels like an invisible competition. If I’ve been on holiday, so has she. If I’ve purchased a new handbag. Suddenly, she has too.

You’re a woman’s woman who doesn’t have many female friends because you find them hard to deal with? Okay then.

Well... Let her. Enjoy your holiday and your handbag. If she is genuinely planning her life around keeping up with your purchases, let her knock herself out.

Yeah…

I know what you mean OP regarding being called a bitch. I hate that word but some people use it jokingly, I don't find it funny either.

We all work with difficult people and the best way to handle it is to disengage, remain polite and don't tell her anything personal. Have a chat about the weather but keep away from her.

Shes 100% jealous of you. I worked with someone just the same. Take great delight in knowing your existence alone makes her more fucked off than she can ever make you with her pathetic behaviour!

Maybe she doesn't like you. Honestly, it sounds like 6 of one, and half a dozen of another. You're not coming across like you'd be a particular joy to be around either, sorry.

Your colleague is very nasty and unpleasant towards you, and that must be very difficult to deal with.
Not sure that that's a reflection on any other women though.

Why should I be a joy to be around when someone just calls me a fucking birch for no reason and divulges my separation to the entirety of the senior leadership team without my permission. I’m not entirely sure I need to be nice about that.