I'm not being out of order am I?

[Shithole101]

Earlier on I cooked myself fish and chips for dinner I asked Dd 14. If she wants anything she said no. Now she asking me to cook and I have said no. She got stroppy. And hasnt bothered eating Now I feel guilty

Hardly amusing is it? We can't control everything but to me, providing at least one decent meal (probably dinner) every day is kind of a basic part of being a parent.

I wasn't, my point is your daughter lived through those hard times and is seeking comfort from you.
Just for context I don't know any parents that don't make their children an evening meal.
My kids are 14 & 18 and I still cook for them and we all eat together. They are more than capable of making meals for themselves obviously but sometimes it's nice to enjoy nice meals together with your family, especially if things have been difficult recently.

And clearly dd did not want to eat with me. She was offered what I was having and also I offered her what ever she chose. She said no . And no she was not seeking comfort. She just did not want the food offered then expected me to cook later . N0 more than that. Your just adding stuff. Not everything is that deep .

You have been so defensive OP, it's almost as if you didn't want people to answer your question honestly, but just validate your choice.

I was careful not to raise your other threads in here as I know MN don't like that, but now it's been done I have to say I do think it's very relevant - not necessarily in a negative way, it's great that you have come to ask for help and post for accountability regarding your house. If you are willing to accept others comments there, why not here? I'm not the only one who sees the situation in a different way to you, yet you only seem to be accepting the ones who agree with you.

I do think there is much more at play here, i just hope you have some level of support in real life for both yourself and the DC

I was never being unkind or berating you, as has been suggested, but merely trying to get you to understand that no matter what she did, you have the overall responsibility to ensure she eats a proper meal.

That's doesn't make sense though. Of course I'm not going to agree with people that are making it into more than it is. And twisting stuff. I'm allowed to agree with what makes sense to me. It's nothing to do with being defensive I'm allowed to stand up for myself.

I'm allowed to stand up for myself.

Why did you post the thread then? Just to be antagonistic? If all you want to do it 'stand up for yourself' rather then actually asking for advice, opinions, help to move forward even, why did you post.

I think the point people are trying to make is that it shouldn't have been a choice - you should have just cooked and told her that dinner was ready.

So as soon as someone said. No you were wrong . I should have said OK thank you for letting me know . And leave the thread. I should not reply to the thread or stand up for myself or explain anything further.

I don't know what antagonistic means

Then wasting food when she does not eat it

And DD would have said 'I told you I don't want to eat!" and food would have been wasted.

@Shithole101

So as soon as someone said. No you were wrong . I should have said OK thank you for letting me know . And leave the thread. I should not reply to the thread or stand up for myself or explain anything further.

No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm asking why you came into chat, posted a thread asking a question and then spent the best part of a day 'standing up for yourself'? You just posted so people would agree with you. You have taken absolutely nothing on board and just argued you were right.

I'm asking why you bothered.

She obviously was hungry though or she wouldn't have asked an hour later. She'd probably have eaten if she wasn't given a choice first .

Why would it be a waste? Just save it for another day.

Yes, exactly. I wouldn't have had a choice at that age, my mum would just shout up that dinner was ready and that would be that.

I can't imagine letting my kids opt out of meals (unless they were out).

She's 14. Old enough to realise that people won't want to wait on them hand and foot.

Feeding your child proper meals is the absolute bare minimum when it comes to parenting - it's not "waiting on them hand and foot"

MyDS's are older but were all 14 at some point
I used to make one meal and if they didn't want to eat at the same time, they could reheat later that day, or do some beige food/ noodles/ toastie later
You did nothing wrong imo
You asked, she said no.
I did the same

Literally this.

She’s a child, and went to bed last night without eating a single meal that day.

Be a parent, make the meals, don’t ask, tell her it’s breakfast/lunch/dinner time and serve a meal. If 3 meals a day is too much hassle then at the very least, knowing she hasn’t had a meal all day, ensure she has one before she goes to bed.

A 14 year old does not need all 3 meals making for them every day. A healthy dinner, fair enough but if by age 14 they can't make a sandwich or get a bowl of cereal that's failure as a parent. If my teenager sat around in the morning waiting for me to make him some toast I'd be embarrassed!

Except she wasn't even offered a healthy dinner? She's being punished for not wanting frozen fish and chips.

You seemed to have missed the bit where I told her she could choose something else and I would cook it at the same time.

I understand that, but you are saying people should be making 3 meals a day for their teenagers and I completely disagree. At 14 they should be doing their own breakfast and packed lunches if they take one to school. It's part of teaching them life skills.

At 14, you shouldn't be giving her a choice as to whether she has dinner or not, though. That's the point people are trying to make.

You cook a meal and tell her it's ready, she comes down and eats it. If she doesn't finish it, then it can be saved or re-heated for later. But she's too young to decide that she wants to eat crisps and chocolate and nothing else.

Exactly- TEACHING. Her daughter had not one single meal yesterday.

I didn't say that?

I have a 14 year old, she makes her breakfast and packed lunch and she can cook if needed. She also loves baking. But I still cook her an evening meal and make sure she's taking care of herself. She's 14 and I'm her parent.