I'm not being out of order am I?

[Shithole101]

Earlier on I cooked myself fish and chips for dinner I asked Dd 14. If she wants anything she said no. Now she asking me to cook and I have said no. She got stroppy. And hasnt bothered eating Now I feel guilty

It would have been perfectly fine the next day.

Re-heated fish and chips? I don't think it's even recommended to re-heat previously frozen foods, never mind the taste and texture.

She's FOURTEEN. She is capable of making herself something to eat if she is hungry. This is not a toddler who cannot prepare their own food. My 16 year old sorts his own breakfast and lunch, I cook dinner.

Come on.
She is 14yo. She is able to prepare some toast, baked beans, omelette, sandwich etc…. at the very least. My two teens would have had no issue with that at all.
And she was offered food she refused! If she was that hungry, do you think she’d have said No?

A while back, I was talking about how my teen (similar age then) had to take over all the cooking (incl cooking for me) because I wasn’t well enough to do it (bedbound) and dh was ‘away’ most weekends.
I was told it was NORMAL for my teen to do that. That actually it was a good thing and why on earth did I have an issue with it.

But somehow, because the OP is around and able, she is supposed to offer, then prepare all the meals?

I get it. Some of you don't care if your teenage daughters don't eat because as far as you are concerned it's not your problem. Meanwhile, the rest of us would wonder why our teenage daughters aren't eating and want to find out why.

@ComingBackHome

Come on.
She is 14yo. She is able to prepare some toast, baked beans, omelette, sandwich etc…. at the very least. My two teens would have had no issue with that at all.

To be fair I don't think anyone is disagreeing with the 'able to do it' aspect here.

However, she did not do it, so what would you have done in those circumstances?

I was correcting your incorrect impression that the OP had made the child food.

You said you'd be inclined to agree that she was a "bad mum" if she had prepared nothing at all.

Was making our family meal at 14 too. That bit is not my problem, but the not eating anything but crisps and chocolate all day isn't ok. It calls for parental intervention.

She's FOURTEEN. She is capable of making herself something to eat if she is hungry. This is not a toddler who cannot prepare their own food. My 16 year old sorts his own breakfast and lunch, I cook dinner.

It's not about her being capable - it's about the fact that she hadn't eaten a proper meal all day and her mother didn't care enough to either find out why, or to offer her anything up to the point she was cooking dinner.

I fully agree a 14 year old can cook their own meals, but that's not the issue here.

Yes I know its definitely not unusal for familys not to sit down at a table and eat together. I mean it's nice to i think . But that does not work for my family.

And yeah she was offered same as je or what ever she wanted from the freezer . I was happy to cook something different for her whilst i was cooking. She said no. She's 14 she's perfectly able to sort herself food.
I have a child with special needs so it does get busy /challenging

But somehow, because the OP is around and able, she is supposed to offer, then prepare all the meals?

Well, yes, because that's part of being a parent - to make sure your child is eating proper meals and not just surviving off crisps and chocolate.

One day, OP, you're going to start going a bit senile. You may say "no" the first time someone offers you food.

That day you will find out what it is to have a "loved one" who does not give a shit you have had barely anything to eat in the whole day, and is happy to leave you hungry.

If it was a father doing this he would be dragged through the mud.

It doesn’t really matter that she is capable, your child did not have a single meal yesterday. As a parent that is YOUR job, to ensure they are actually eating meals. They may be capable but if they have not eaten a meal all day it’s YOUR job to ensure that they do.

What are you on about wtf. Dd was never refused food and she had options .

This. How old are your younger dc? What would you do if they refused a meal?
Do you find when they're not there you're less bothered about meals?

They are 8 and 9 not 14

https://ugc-assets.mumsnet.com/images/202401/large-AJ4XZ6J887wzPg87BF936cq8Mf42KvrBjpKfBBdM.jpg

This is a picture of your living room, no? (from a previous post of yours, I'm not some weird real life stalker).

There's plenty of room for a dining table. And you have a really decent sized kitchen too from your other posts. In fact, all in all, a lovely home that you've worked hard on.

I've skimmed through your previous threads, and I can see you've had lots to contend with, and are really working hard to turn your life around, so I'm not going to beat you up about a 14 year old eating or not eating some air fried fish and chips.

But moving forward, I think it would be really good for your mental health and for your children's health and well being to get a cheap and cheerful dining table and chairs into your space, and start preparing and cooking healthy family meals for the family, at least once a day in the evenings. It's really beneficial to family relationships, and can bring a sense of togetherness, order and calm to a family.

The room is not actually as big as it looks by the time I put a table in it would alot of room up. And it would block the tv. I like to have ab open/clear space on my living room. And space for the younger ones to play of they want to. If I put a table in my kitchen again it would take up to much space. I don't want tp be squeezing my fat butt past table/chairs.

Also as much as its nice to sit down as a family and eat at a table . It's not going to happen. Things are just starting to get better at home with lots of stuff we have been through. I'm not about to pick a battle that's not needed. I'm honestly not willing to do it. We have been through to much to start another battle o er sitting at a table.

And thank you house wise everything is so much better

MN n is crazy place.
Dont worry op.
The same posters telling you that you are in the wrong are the ones saying all 18 years old should be self sufficient and living independently and paying all their own bills.
That it’s completely fine to throw an 18 year old out onto the street with their entire possessions. Yet a 14 year old who refused the offer of having a meal cooked for them, cannot under any circumstances put a slice of bread in a toaster and slap some baked beans in a microwave.
I would say offer your dd a maximum of 3 choices of frozen food/ready meals and tell her to pick one.
That’s the limit after she has turned down your previous offer.
She needs to learn you are not at her whim on standby to cook.

A lot of teens simply can't be arsed to make their own food and would rather wait around for their parent to do it than use their own initiative. That's probably why.

OP did offer her food anyway.

It sounds a bit chaotic. As one of six kids, I imagine she’s quite used to fending for herself. Could this be an attention seeking thing?

Erm. You got that totally wrong

I remember your previous posts and I agree your home life sounds chaotic.
I am glad you have sorted the house out now but your daughter has had to live through everything being less than ideal.
There is a lot more to this than just refusing fish and chips OP, your daughter had survived off crisps and chocolate all day, why didn't you just make her a meal to sit and eat with you rather than offering it as an option?
Are your kids all eating enough fruit and veg, I think I remember you saying you eat a lot of freezer food as a family? If you all have poor diets some cheap multivitamins are probably a good idea for all of you.
I think your daughter wanted attention/love from you and for you to show some concern for her and she was dismissed.

Please don't use the hard times we have had as a weapon. To twist things and turn something into something it is not .

Yep, I agree lots of them just can't be arsed, but if my child hadn't eaten all day, I would be wanting to make sure they were okay, not getting into an argument about cooking dinner.

There is a lot more to this than just refusing fish and chips OP, your daughter had survived off crisps and chocolate all day,

I know a lot of teens who would be delighted to only eat crisps and chocolate 😂😂
I mean usually parents struggle to have them eat anything else