I'm not being out of order am I?

[Shithole101]

Earlier on I cooked myself fish and chips for dinner I asked Dd 14. If she wants anything she said no. Now she asking me to cook and I have said no. She got stroppy. And hasnt bothered eating Now I feel guilty

And if I cook for her is that not giving her the message that she can mess about at dinner time. Choose not to eat . Then expect me to cook for her later.

I would prefer my child ate. That's the message I would want to send.

But you didn't cook dinner for her, or am I misunderstanding the op? What messing about did she do?

I understand if you'd be annoyed that you cooked for her and she didn't eat it. But you haven't cooked her any meal at all, all Sunday. 14 isn't an adult, it's not old enough to live alone.

It's really best to have a family meal together at least once a day if you can, in my opinion. Otherwise what's the point living together really

She's 14. I would expect my 10yo to make his own arrangements, if he has said he's not interested in the dinner I'm cooking.

I offered to cook her food when I was cooking . She said she did not want anything. She then asked me to cook for her a short while ago. I said no

In that case, I wouldnt have asked the question.
I would have cooked F&C for two and told her to come and eat.

I mean that’s what happens in our house. One person cooks and everyone comes to eat whatever has been prepared? Adults or children.

I would rather she choose what she wanted to eat so it does not go to waste. I cant afford to waste food

It has never occured to me to ask my kids if they want to eat at meal time. They are 11 and 14. They just get meals given to them at meal times. We usually eat as a family but occasionally not if people have hobbies etc. in the evening. Breakfast though is often every man for themselves as we are all up and out at different time but lunch and dinner I just make and they eat.

I think her health is still your ultimate responsibility so if all she has eaten is junk all day you do need to either make her a decent meal or insist she makes one herself.

In future, I just wouldn't ask. You're not running a restaurant, you are absolutely right that you shouldn't be at her beck and call to provide food on demand, but you do need to make sure she eats properly.

This thread is really saddening. You are not promoting any kind of independence by ignoring your child's needs. You are not 'winning' anything by refusing to make her some food. What she is learning is that you don't care if she is hungry, which in turn will at best lead to her finding you entirely unapproachable. Yes it's annoying, but as previously, you have the ultimate responsibility here. A 14 year old who has barely eaten all day isn't going to learn anything positive from continuing hunger.

I’d have done the same as you. If your house is anything like mine when mine were growing up, there will be plenty of options she can do herself. We always had a couple of ready meals or leftover meals in the freezer. Tons of beans. Noodles. Pasta. Toasted sandwiches. Eggs, bacon, sausage.

She was not refused food she was offered food . She said no . And no she does don't find me unapproachable.

My 13 year old is quite capable of cooking a complex meal, he likes cooking. However given the choice to eat at meals times or not, he would inevitably not as he would keep gaming until he was starving, and would then eat all the snacks in the house. I don't think it's unreasonable to not cook her one meal of her choice. I think it is unreasonable to have not made sure she ate a sensible lunch and then not make sure she eats dinner. Whether she can cook for herself is irrelevant.

Definitely nothing wrong with this; she’ll be having a strop but will get herself something if she’s hungry. I’d follow it up tomorrow though with a conversation about meal times and what you expect from each other

Yes exactly this.

She was not refused food she was offered food . She said no . And no she does don't find me unapproachable.

You are refusing to make her food now was what I meant when I said 'refusing'

She may not find you unapproachable now, but if this negative communication continues, she almost certainly will.

If bared of being defensive, why don't oh go and get your child something to eat.

She has had 2 bags of crisps and a bar of chocolate all day, if she isn't hungry or sourcing her own food by now the OP absolutely does need to step in.

She's not going to die from having 1 junk day

She's not.

However at 14, if she doesn't eat at least a proper breakfast she wouldn't be getting crisps and chocolate instead. She definitely wouldn't be getting them tomorrow.

I don’t ever remember being asked if I wanted tea. My mum just cooked it and then shouted us it was ready, then we ate. My eldest is 12, so a bit younger, but I think I’ll just do the same - cook tea then tell everyone it’s ready. Isn’t this what most families do if you’re all home?

Just make her a toastie?

So why are you asking, @Shithole101 if you're so convinced you're right?

TBH I find a lot of your threads baffling, this is the worst.

Don't most parents cook an evening meal and serve and sit together to eat? If you want to build inpendence you get her involved in cooking with you, not just neglecting her to the point she eats very little in the day.

For clarity I also have a 14 Yr old daughter, she's my youngest.

Or humous n pitta
Pasta n pesto
Something easy

This right here.

She hasn’t had enough calories for the day, and she’s 14. Parenting doesn’t simply stop when kids can walk, talk and use a microwave. Why haven’t you sat and had breakfast together? Lunch together? You’re talking about the evening meal but the 2 meals before that she also hasn’t had!

If you find my threads baffling that's on you . I don't care . I hope yoir little dig msfe you feel good

Every family is different. We don't even have a table . I like to give the kids a choice. The younger ones do eat when I cook the meal 7 days a week. Unless at their dad's.

At weekends things are a bit more flexible for the older ones. They can chooses to eat when I eat or choose to eat when they want to. But then need to sort them self. Dd is more than capable .

She didn't want food earlier when you asked. It is a bit mean to be like "I don't care if you are hungry or not. I will only make you food if you eat it right now." The girl will end up with food issues if she hasn't already.