I'm not being out of order am I?

[Shithole101]

Earlier on I cooked myself fish and chips for dinner I asked Dd 14. If she wants anything she said no. Now she asking me to cook and I have said no. She got stroppy. And hasnt bothered eating Now I feel guilty

Come on. Why do you need to ask your DD if she wants food or not. Just cook a family meal and serve it. If she didn't want it, you could've put it aside for her to heat up later. Honestly I dismay at the standard of parenting here. You are her parent not a house mate.

Yes “Every family is different” and you may “like to give kids the choice” but at the point your 14 year old has only eaten 2 bags of crisps and some chocolate ALL DAY you seriously have to realise that the way you’re doing things isn’t working for her and needs to change.

It's really best to have a family meal together at least once a day if you can, in my opinion.

Which is probably why the OP offered her daughter what she was cooking for evening meal. Which her daughter rejected. She then asked if there was something else her daughter wanted at that time instead, which her daughter rejected.

So should the OP have not eaten when she was hungry, and just waited until her daughter wanted to eat? Or should she eat a further meal now, because it's taken her daughter's fancy?

She's not going to die from having 1 junk day

Oh well that's ok then.

When my DDs were that age I just cooked a meal for the whole family and they ate it. If they weren’t hungry I would have covered theirs so they can reheat later. I generally didn’t cook meals they didn’t like.

And then she does not eat it . It ends uo in the bin. I can't afford to waste food like that.

OP you're not being a neglectful parent, that's ridiculous. A 14 year old who declined a dinner can cook themselves beans on toast or something.

Yes, I hope so. It is what we do. My DC are much younger, but I find it would be odd to just start cooking for myself and ask them if they want “something”. I would absolutely assume they’ll eat what I’m cooking for all of us - to be eaten together. I don’t see this changing by the time they are teenagers, other than them maybe being more involved in the cooking process. To me what’s odd about the op is the setting where OP started cooking “for herself” on a Sunday.

Why does it end up in the bin? It can be a lunch or dinner in another day.

And when that 14 year old girl has only had 2 bags of crisps and some chocolate all day? You don’t think it’s neglectful not to ensure your child has actually had at least one meal in a full day? God the bar really is low.

Your the only one that seens to get it. Oh and one other. I think its just how the thread will flow now. I could have done this thread at a different time and may have got a different response.

I just used to say " dinners ready " and we all sat down to eat it!😀

This

Why would you put it in the bin? Surely you make an evening meal for everyone, those who want to eat it do, and any left over you put in the fridge for the next day for lunches or dinner? And how do you all sit down together as a family to eat if you don't have a table?

I wouldn’t have let it get to this stage tbh. It would have been a case of, DD you’ve not eaten properly all day. I’m making dinner now, do you want f&c or to choose something else? I’d have expected her to eat dinner if I knew she hadn’t had breakfast or lunch.

You could have made your DD some food when she later asked instead of posting on MN.

You say you want to give a choice of food, why not a choice of time when you cook for her then? You see where you may be going wrong here?

In the end you've stuck to your guns but the upshot is your child remains hungry and probably senses your deep resentment.

Exactly this!! In no version of reality is it okay for a 14 year old to have gone all day without eating a proper meal.

You asked her if she wanted dinner with you, she said no, at 14 she's well able to rustle up something for herself, I cook one dinner every evening, i always tell my dd who is 17 what I'm cooking as she's quite picky, if she doesn't want it fine she looks after herself, no way would I be spending half the night cooking two dinners

Generally I would agree with this, but only if she had had at least one decent meal today. As I said above, I wouldn’t have let it get this fair.

If you had all eaten a decent lunch together and then at dinner had this convo, I’d agree, you asked, she said no, so sort yourself out. I can’t agree with allowing a teen to go without a meal all day.

You did offer to make her something. She said no.

She makes her own food now.

"About an hour ago" would have been around 6:30 so if that was "later" than you offered to cook what time did you offer? If you offered her dinner at 4pm and are now saying that was her opportunity to have dinner then yes, you are being unreasonable.

Why aren't you cooking her a proper dinner? Mines nearly 14 and I still cook him dinner, it's a bit neglectful expecting her to fend for herself.

But why does any parent have to ask a 14 year old IF they want dinner? It's a pretty basic duty of parenting to provide regular meals.

Exactly. The question shouldn’t be “do you want dinner”, it needs to be “what would you like for dinner”. And especially when this child literally has not had a single meal all day.

This, what time did you offer dinner?
If your younger children had been at home would you have been 'eat now or not at all"?