Is it rude to ask where someone is from?

[RudenessCheck]

We had a plumber out to us yesterday. He was very nice and chatty. He spoke English as a second language. I was dying to ask him which country he originated from. I didn't as I wasn't sure if this question is rude or overly inquisitive, so I didn't.
Can you ask this question or is it rude?

It's easy. Just ask 'Are you local ' or 'How long have you lived in Kent/Have you always lived in Kent? Then you have your answer and nobody is offended or embarrassed.

Can some of the accent hunters please explain to me what do you get out of "Where are you from? Do you go back often?" questions?
Let's say I'm from Estonia. I'm a stranger to you and we stopped for a very brief chat whilst walking our dogs.
Why? Why would you ask?

I've never felt the same urge to ask. I also work in a very multicultural environment and yet.. No urge. Some colleagues have mentioned their nationality as part of a wider conversation but I could go on not knowing as it has changed absolutely nothing in our interactions.

@QueenCamilla I would say it is to establish commonalities possibly. It may just be chit chat. It may be a person's specific interest. I have an unusual surname and everyone stumbles with it, apologises in case they have mispronounced it and often asks where the name comes from. I am more than happy to say so. Funnily enough there are people who say " och aye the noo" to me and they don't seem at all reluctant. I just 😂 . I don't think I am being " othered" . It's sad that so many people find talk like this intrusive and insulting. It's a sad reflection on our society.

I think it's pretty normal as a topic of conversation.

But some people think it could be at best intrusive and at worst offensive.

I think those people are fairly rare though.

Never thought of that - but I would only really be asking this in specific situations e.g. new starter who's only just left school, when discussing our own school experiences.

One of the previous posters compared it to asking someone very tall how tall they are.... I think it's a great comparison.
Yes it is true I have an accent, but it doesn't define me and it gets annoying after the first 5 years.
Soon I will have lived in the UK longer than in my 'native' country. I am well and fully assimilated. The only things giving me away are a slight accent and love for certain foods. Last time I visited country of my birth was 10 years ago, as I'd rather go to Wales or Italy!
It's just such a low effort conversation topic.

I also love some posters saying that is not offensive at all. Well, clearly a lot of 'people with accents' DO find it offensive? You just don't like the answer!

@theemptinessmachine
There are 100 better ways to establish a communality than pointing out in conversation that I'm forrin'! I have had plenty of life between 19 and 40 to talk about.

I love it when "I pass". Alcohol seems to help to sound more English. Or Australian after some extra shots. And then it all disintegrates further to being asked about New Zealand 😂

Idk, I don't live in the UK and where I live asking someone where they are from is a very normal and common question. I get asked and ask this question all the time. It's also very normal small talk to ask a local where their hometown is so it doesn't feel like a weird thing to ask someone obviously not local essentially the same question.

I think it depends, if someone obviously has a non British accent it's ok to ask, and people usually like it.
If it's a person of colour who sounds British then asking where they're from is a big no no!
My friend is British mixed race and has a northern accent so does get asked where she's from, she says she can usually tell from tone of voice if they mean where in the UK are you from/what is your accent or if they're asking where are you REALLY from

if someone obviously has a non British accent it's ok to ask

This isn't the first/only comment like this. I don't get why exactly it's OK, when lots of people with 'non-national' accents have posted they hate it/find it annoying/draining? Someone's accent isn't something they can help. The comparison with disability isn't so very off here (in this one respect only, obviously, before anyone says I'm comparing 'foreignness' to disability per se) - would you say 'if someone obviously has a disability it's ok to ask'? If no, why would you ask someone about another feature of them that marks them out as different from others and that they can't help?

I think a PP encapsulated it when she said her accent doesn't define her. The constant questions make us feel like our 'foreign' status defines us in the eyes of others, when we just want to be part of the community we call home and get on with our days.

"Where is home" is very rude imo.
They might say "Birmingham" if that's where they live and presume you're being racist/ xenophobic.

Well, based on this thread, I am very glad I didn't ask the plumber where he originated from. I think my initial instinct that the question might not be well received was probably correct. No one wants to inadvertently offend someone. Thanks all for offering your views. It has been useful and informative.

I think it depends, if someone obviously has a non British accent it's ok to ask, and people usually like it.

I love how you have pages of people with foreign accents saying they dint like it and you come and tell us ‘people usually like it’.

I dint know but just from this thread, it doesn’t seem to be the case?
And the fact people might ‘happily’ answer if you do ask the question, just means they’re been polite. Not that it’s ok!

I would find where's home confusing question. My home is here in UK now. I think k safest question might be "what is your native language".
I feel like it's also a safe question for people that vone from fractious places in the world.

Funnily enough, my neighbour just asked me where's my accent from! It didn't feel too intrusive though, as I've known him for 6 months and chatted about lots of other things prior to the dreaded question!
No, he didn't ask me if I 'go back home' often. Luckily.

Me too @LimeSqueezy it would be considered more rude to not ask after a person's background! It's even normal to ask someone where their parents came from, even if they are born and raised here. And not just the general area either, usually people want to know the specific town name.

I’ve asked in the past because I’m genuinely curious and enjoy hearing their stories and opinions if they’re willing to share them. Only if they have a definite non-UK accent though. I’m now conscious that some people don’t like to be asked so tend not to.

Yes whenever I have to explain to strangers where my parents are from it makes me feel like I'm 12 years old 😂

One time a guy got impatient with me because I couldn't give a straightforward answer to "Where are you from?". That's when it struck me that I wasn't some kind of weirdo anomaly but that many people just have no concept of being from nowhere and multiple places all at once.

It’s best not to ask unless you are actually building a friendship with someone and you are both discussing your lives. I have an accent and it is tedious having to give my personal background to people I’ve just met or explain my accent for their benefit. I would never let it show that I don’t like it, so those asking me probably think I’m enjoying the conversation.