Is it rude to ask where someone is from?

[RudenessCheck]

We had a plumber out to us yesterday. He was very nice and chatty. He spoke English as a second language. I was dying to ask him which country he originated from. I didn't as I wasn't sure if this question is rude or overly inquisitive, so I didn't.
Can you ask this question or is it rude?

Sometimes I’ll ask, sometimes I won’t. I asked a man I was seated with at an awards do last week, we’d been chatting for a couple of hours about other stuff and I knew his accent sounded familiar but I couldn’t place it, and we were getting on well so I guessed correctly that he wouldn’t have minded me asking! We ended up having a lovely conversation about his home country (I’ve been there once, which is why his accent was familiar) and he was very happy and proud to chat about where he grew up.

If it was someone I was having a five-minute interaction with, I probably wouldn’t ask as it might feel like a bit of an interrogation as we wouldn’t have got to know each other enough for them to know I wasn’t asking them from a xenophobic perspective.

I’ve got the impression that it’s not so much rude as tiresome and repetitive.

Not this ridiculous story again. I tell you what is ignorant and offensive is this woman’s fake name.
Igbos and Fulani names mixed together wow!
Fulani people were part of the genocide of Igbo’s in the 60s.
Someone who has zero knowledge of Nigerian history but is quick to take offence.

Asking someone where their family were originally from is not racist. Its about intent, are you othering them or genuinely interested about other people and cultures?

Personally I am so proud of my heritage I love to talk about it.
I understand others are not that way inclined though and have a chip on their shoulder / wish to blend in / self hate or are just plain shy.
Focus on job opportunities, education and housing not an old dear’s question, its pathetic.

No is not rude & if he didn't want you to know he wouldn't tell you.

I lived in France for a time and was constantly asked where I was from, every day.
I, personally, wasn't bothered at all.
People are interested.
We are all different and from different places so I dont feel like we need to ignore that and pretend not to notice.

If I like someone's accent I'll say so, in a similar way to how I would say I like their shoes or something. That way they can just say thank you, the way you would if receiving a compliment, or they can expand on it. Sometimes people tell me where they're from, sometimes they tell me where their shoes are from. Sometimes they don't, but it's not awkward.

OP, just ask him how many languages he speaks. That will open up the conversation to where you actually want it to go.

It CAN be racist as fuck, depending on the way it's asked. "Where are you really from" is racist crap. Especially when you're from South London for at least 2 generations.

I always ask. It's ridiculous to be offended when asked where your accent originates from. I also ask about people's heritage and I've never met anyone who wasn't pleased that I asked and took an interest in them. I've then learnt lots about the country where they came from or their parents or grandparents came from and how they have ended up living in the U.K.

It's fascinating to learn about different cultures.

My grandmother was Russian so in turn I speak about my heritage.

People that get offended are missing out on great conversations.

How is it racist if they’re white but with a different UK accent to mine? The overwhelming majority of these interactions are with people with differing accents. Nothing whatsoever to do with race or skin colour.

Yes, you can ask. "Where are your family from originally?" Or, if he mentions being a different heritage, ask what his heritage is. I also find it fascinating.

I wouldn’t ask someone I had just met but if I was talking to them for a while and we were getting on well then I would ask.

I think in this situation it would have been fine as you seemed to be getting on well.

If you’re unsure, then it’s best not to ask.

I have an accent and people ask where I’m from. Doesn’t bother me. People are just making conversation.

Sorry, I didn't mean to quote the OP l.

Asking 'where are you from?' type questions can be misconstrued, so 'where do you live?' is a much better option for casual chit-chat. Talking about where you live is as innocuous as talking about the weather.

Asking where someone’s from is used as an insult and it’s something that some people with accents have to deal with on a regular basis.

Surely you can see that you should tread carefully with a potential insult?

Or is it that you care less about offending people and more about your interests in culture?

It’s like asking an overweight woman when the baby is due.

You might not mean any harm as you’re genuinely interested but there’s a potential that she’s not pregnant at all and by asking you could offend her.

If you know something could potentially be very offensive then just think before you speak.

I think if it's a complete stranger like the plumber scenario then I wouldn't really bother.
But at my old place of work. it was VERY multicultural, so asking fellow colleagues where they're from was a nice way of getting to know them and showing an interest in their lives (seeing as I was working 12 hour shifts with these people on the daily). So I think it depends on the situation and maybe how/why it's asked

It really depends. I was having some work done in the house and asked one of the workmen where he was from. He told me and I had just been there so I was telling him how much I loved the country and he got quite emotional as he was homesick.

I knew a woman who was Japanese and had a strong accent but hated people asking where she was from and would tell them the area she lived.

Another time I asked someone where he was from and he thought I was asking him if he was an immigrant. He obviously wasn't, he had a strong London accent, but I was just making conversation. I just meant where in London.

So from my experience it would depend on context and the person.

This. Except not in UK with a UK accent that is not always obvious when I speak the local language (am near-native level) but sometimes shows through.

IME there's often a 'side' to it too, even though my nationality is a bit of a 'prestige' one here (for want of a better word). It's about 'placing' you as not 'belonging'. I hate it and get incredibly tired of it constantly being the thing people notice about me/the most interesting thing about me. So please don't assume that other people are obliged to satisfy your curiosity.

I wouldn't ask, no. If you're having that friendly a chat then they will either mention it - or they won't. It can be a horribly intrusive question that causes offence so default - in my book - is 'don't ask'.

Same with weight loss. If somebody wants to talk about that, they'll let you know.

I agree it matters in what way/ tone it is asked.
I don't mind explaining and some people seem genuinely curious and want to know more.

But often I feel like a 'bloody immigrant '
With some people I don't speak in my accent because I feel some judgement like I'm taking their job or something. It's difficult to explain

I think on balance I think the same.

If people want to mention it they can and do. A bit like your DOB. There’s no shame in age but some people just prefer not to be asked directly.

There is nothing, nothing I hate more in these scenarios than being asked where I'm from, replying with <name of local town I live in> but I moved over from <other local-ish town> three years ago, and getting 'no, I mean originally'. Hate it. Hate it. Hate that the person I'm talking to won't take the very obvious hint that I want to be treated as one of them and not as something 'other'/'exotic' whose nationality is the most interesting thing about her. Hate that I then have to paste on a smile and tell them so I won't be considered impolite. If you must ask these questions - please, never with the dreaded 'originally'. Believe me, people will volunteer that information if they want to talk about it.

I think it would only be rude if you didn't accept their answer. (Eg; Manchester "no, where are you really from"-meaning what ethnicity are you) This does seem to be more an American thing though, judging by some sites I've been reading.

You’ve convinced me to never do this.

And you are right that I have heard people being very persistent with it, and not taking an answer that isn’t the one they are expecting/ driving at.