Is it rude to ask where someone is from?

[RudenessCheck]

We had a plumber out to us yesterday. He was very nice and chatty. He spoke English as a second language. I was dying to ask him which country he originated from. I didn't as I wasn't sure if this question is rude or overly inquisitive, so I didn't.
Can you ask this question or is it rude?

Agree

My married surname is Dutch too! My late husband's grandfather came here.

I don't. Only because I knew someone who had an accent but actually was London born and bred. She used to get asked constantly where she was from and nobody believed her when she said London. It really used to embarrass her. So no, I wouldn't ask until they themselves brought it up.

“Where is home” is incredibly rude. They clearly live here! You’re basically saying they don’t belong here

It's intrusive to ask where someone is from, just to satisfy your innate nosiness.

MYOB, especially if there's a client-worker power dynamic there, eg the person is fixing your boiler, or they're serving you in a shop or you're in their cab, and feel they don't have an easy option to ask you to please MYOB.

nowadays there's an implied 'you're not from round these parts' about it - it can be taken as quite othering to highlight how someone talks.

OP it’s unnecessary and rude. If they bring it up, fine but otherwise you don’t need to ask or know. Why does it matter.

OMG at "where is home?" 😱

agreed! Absolutely awful, as a PP pointed out - what, is the person travelling ‘home’ this evening to Bucharest or krakow or wherever? My husband is Polish by the way 😎

Of course it’s fine. I get asked all the time. How anyone could be offended by this is insane. MN seem so sheltered

Why do ppl think others should satisfy their fascination?

my mate is a wheelchair user, conversations with strangers often go like this:

git: why are you in a wheelchair?

friend: did you do doggy last night?

nosey git: what?

mate: that’s right, none of my business either.

And I don’t blame her.

I don’t see what’s wrong with asking, if it’s evident from someone’s speech that they’re not a native. We’ve often asked e.g. Uber drivers, and some very interesting conversations have ensued.

I’m 4ft11. Comments from total strangers along the lines of ‘Aren’t you short’ get responses like ‘Yes, and aren’t you {insert embarrassing personal characteristic here}.’

That's my problem too. I end up chatting for ages and then making really bad versions of the dinners from their country, which DH usually doesn't like.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Well your Uber drivers are not going to tell to piss off will they?
The fact YOU find it interesting/great, doesn’t mean they do

Fwiw, when I came to the U.K., I didn’t feel I belong anywhere or any country. I had lived in many countries as a child and young adult so I didn’t feel I had any specific attachment to my home country.
25 years of being asked ‘where are you from?’ and I now ‘identify’ as french. And not British.
Despite the fact I’ve lived longer in the U.K. than any other country I’ve lived in, incl my home country. And I now have the British citizenship.

Constantly asking people that question ‘when they obviously come from somewhere else’ creates barriers. A shame when people are trying to integrate or have been ,living there most if their life really.

It's not offensive if you are white, but it can get a bit tedious. When I lived overseas it was obvious my accent was British, so people would ask me what part of the UK I was from and if I had met/what I thought of the Queen. After the first few times it gets boring.

I can totally see why people get fed up answering the same question over and over. I quite like the idea of asking someone how long they've lived in the area as a way in.

One of our friends tried to cook my food and than apologised saying it was really bad and he did not like it. Turned out I was not clear on difference between cumin and caraway (both use same name in my language, one with addition) so since then I am well clear on difference on names😂

Can people stop comparing foreign accent or name (whivh is usually reason to ask) to disability? It's absolutely not the same as being in a wheelchair!

That was me who used the example of my friend being constantly asked why she was in a wheelchair (eg othered) to ppl being asked where they are from to explain why we should stop expecting ppl to satisfy our curiosity.

It’s no one’s business.

thats the only comparison she/I makes.

100%. It's bonkers

I have an accent so it does not bother me at all when people ask as i was not born here obviously and english is not my first language
However, if i didn't have an accent and was not white maybe i would feel differently

I'm wary of asking this question because I gather that a lot of foreign nationals are (understandably) sensitive about the question. They don't know the agenda of the person asking the question. I mean, I just want to know if they're from a city or town or rural area and what they miss their about home (family and friends I guess and maybe their national cuisine). And if they find the climate here (in Ireland) as rubbish we do. But the people I'm talking to don't know this. They've probably had a lifetime of being challenged about their nationality and being othered for not being Irish. Or possibly encountering hostility and barbed remarks. So I bite my tongue and hope they don't think I'm being unfriendly for not taking an interest in them.

If you don't see what's wrong with it then maybe DO read this thread. The majority of "people with accents" seem to dislike all the othering questions and have very honestly shared their feelings as to why.

I have never been curt or have showed my annoyance when faced with where are you from? prodding but I really, really wish that part of small talk would die it's death!

Shortly after participating in this thread earlier in the day, the hour of the Groundhog struck again!

I bumped into landlord from next door. I have never seen the man before. Not once in two years I've been living in my house. I had some very important information to share about his property - the going-ons there, the police, the council, drugs and fly-tipping... Important stuff, you know!
And yet, here comes: Your English is excellent. Where are you from? Do you visit often? 🤦

C'mon! That was not the right time nor for curiosity, nor for small talk. I was all "let's discuss something serious here" until I had to stop midsentence with: My Mum is from x and my Dad is from y...

It's so incongruous and also somewhat infantilising to talk about my Mum and Dad with a complete stranger when I'm pushing 40.
I'm also totally unsure as to what it added to his day.

I'm a Brit living abroad and get asked this question fairly frequently and answer with good grace. I think it's rather precious to get annoyed by it tbh. The country I live in has been generous to accept as many foreigners as it has (it's a lot! and has been controversial) and I'm not going to ascribe ill intent to every local person who shows interest in my life, nor would I expect them to censor their natural curiosity.

Don't assume English is his second language. He might speak several others before English.