Is it rude to ask where someone is from?

[RudenessCheck]

We had a plumber out to us yesterday. He was very nice and chatty. He spoke English as a second language. I was dying to ask him which country he originated from. I didn't as I wasn't sure if this question is rude or overly inquisitive, so I didn't.
Can you ask this question or is it rude?

No, taking an interest is not rude. I have a foreign first name and don’t look English. I can differentiate between “where are you from” and “why did you marry your (English) husband? For real- the second one, a supposedly professional woman at a bank.

OP, you seem fine and non racist to me!

Just a point about the pps saying it's fine if someone has an accent, but not fine if it's based on race - I get this POV, and I'm glad we've got to a societal point where we can agree on the second point, but I've taught sixteen year olds who moved over when they were four and still had accents. Just worth bearing in mind that some of the adults you're asking who have accents may have been in the UK for almost the entirety of their lives, and it's not really a fun conversation to try and dredge up something to say about a place you don't remember while being reminded that you don't fit in. Also worth bearing in mind that some people with accents came here for extremely traumatic reasons in extremely traumatic circumstances and have very complicated relationships with the place they left.

My favourite conversations are often in Uber cars with drivers. A vast majority of the drivers who collect me speak with a non UK accent.
I ask where their accent is from and chat about their country. We always end up on subject of food and I have had some great restaurant recommendations too.
Only once has a driver initially misconstrued my intent to start a conversation, but we ended up having a chat about needlework!!
There are obviously people who don't want to talk, who find it intrusive, and there are people (racist twats) with ill intentions when they ask 'where you really from'.
It's sad really, a small group of knuckle draggers can spoil future good will between fellow humans

I'm another one that is very interested in where people are from, based on accent. But as someone with a British accent that is very clearly not local to the part of the UK I live in, I seem to have a free pass to start random conversation with "well that's not a local accent (big grin)". I've never had a bad reaction to it, although I know how to pick my audience.

Conversely, I also get asked all the time. And I just laugh when people get it very wrong, and correct them in a cheery friendly manner.

...your English is really good!

Usually spouted by someone whose English is not good.

Just a point about the pps saying it's fine if someone has an accent, but not fine if it's based on race

Whether it’s race or accent, it’s othering and hurtful furvtye person in the other side.
As far as I’m concerned, if you laugh at someone for their northern accent, you’re as much of a twat than if you laugh at someone for their skin colour.
Same if the person doesn’t have a northern accent but one from ‘Somewhere abroad’.

There is never any good reason for othering people.

I once asked someone where he was from after meeting on a night out. I live in a small town and meant was he from that town or from another in the local area. He was Asian but with a localish accent. He said 'what where am I from originally'. I said no I meant are you from this town. It didn't even occur to me to ask where he was from originally but he thought that's what I meant. That was a long time ago so now I would phrase my question better as in do you live in this town.

I always got asked when I lived abroad and it didn’t bother me at all.

I ask people how long they have lived in a place. If people want to talk, you then hear most of their life story and why they moved to that area or how they were born and bred there. If they don’t want to talk, it is easy for them to say something brief and move on.

I live in London though and pretty much everyone has an opinion on housing costs, commute times, areas they have lived in/moved to what they plan to do when they start a family etc.

I used to get asked all the time where I was from. I never minded at all, I was happy to explain my origins. It never once occurred to me that the person was being anything other than friendly.

People hardly ever ask me anymore. Unfortunately, that’s probably because they’re afraid of being called a racist, when they aren’t at all. It’s a shame people can’t be friendly or curious anymore.

I was born and raised in a different country, so have an accent. I have been living in the UK for many years, hold British passport and consider Britain my home. I get asked where I am from all the time. But the context matters a lot! If we are in a prolonged conversation or see each other regularly, like work colleagues, I’ll enjoy talking about my background and cultural heritage.
However random strangers asking me where I am from make me feel othered. Like a customer who’s there only for a 5 minutes transaction. Or a chatty person on a bus. Especially if followed up by “oh but your English is so good!” that gives me the absolute rage! I am always tempted to answer with - no shit Sherlock, I’ve lived here half my life.

Let him volunteer the information.

My husband is from a country that everybody fucking hates right now, and he dreads being asked.

@Diomi im going to assume you were an ‘expat’ if you’re British and now back to London.

I didn’t mind as an expat. I’m mean, as a foreigner who is only there in passing, you expect questions like this. The mindset is extremely different.

I do mind as someone who has settled here and has no intention to move away.
I do mind now that also have the British citizenship.
Because I’ve made all the efforts to integrate and it’s still not good enough and never will.

I have asked colleagues at work this question but I always say" Out of curiosity where do you come from ?" Most are fine with it and it has led to some interesting conversations about culture .

I'm white and English so I don't get asked. But I see colleagues with accents or who don't look like me bristle when asked this question. I personally wait until the person volunteers the information. My plumber said he was going to Greece recently to see his mum. I didn't know until then he was Greek (Speaks with a local accent) but he looks Mediterranean iyswim. I said, how lovely, and to have a nice time, but that was only after he'd fixed my shower and sorted out my boiler for me 😂.

What of the ones who weren't fine with it? The 'out of curiosity' preamble doesn't deflect from the question at all.

When everyone is fine with questions like this then it's a safe question to ask but if offence is caused by the question at any time then it's really not.

Those who think this is not rude and the 'foreigners' who find it upsetting are just 'easily offended', do you ask all people you have a fleeting social interaction with where they are from? Or just those with foreign accents or different appearance to your own. Specifically on occasions where you don't have time for longer conversations. How does it satisfy your curiosity to know where the person is from? Do you think their country of origin defines who they? Do you think this could make them feel othered?

''@Oneearringlost · Today 10:18I think it's fine, if you're chatting generally, to say "Where is home?"
It can lead on to other comments/questions like " Do you get back much?" and can show a genuine interest in the other person.''

Actually what you are suggesting is what annoys me the most...

I was born in an EU country but came to this country quite young and I have lived in England for 30 years and became a British citizen.

The UK is my home.

I go home every night.

You are not showing interest, you are making assumptions with this type of questions...

I agree, it usually is - if you know South London accents, you're more likely to ask if they're from Bromley/Catford/Croydon/Streatham way than anything as stupid as that question.

I always ask where their accent is from. Rather than where are you from.

Why is that any better, though?

My dh is from the Netherlands and gets asked all the time and doesn’t mind.

It happened this week in an Indian restaurant. The waiter asked where his accent was from and it turned out his cousin is currently working in the Netherlands and longish conservation ensued about how much the cousin loves it there.

Thought we were never going to get the bill

Also must add I get ‘that’s an unusual name’ when I have to spell my married surname. Yep thanks Dutch surname for that😅

I have dual citizenship but you are right I have always lived in very international places so it isn’t really an issue.

I always get odd looks when I say that not only I don't know the person in question, but also have NO friends from my country in here! Funnily enough, I base my friendships on common interests and views, not nationality.

You could ask what their first language is. That doesn't assume they're not from the UK.