Is it rude to ask where someone is from?

[RudenessCheck]

We had a plumber out to us yesterday. He was very nice and chatty. He spoke English as a second language. I was dying to ask him which country he originated from. I didn't as I wasn't sure if this question is rude or overly inquisitive, so I didn't.
Can you ask this question or is it rude?

Thank you.

I think there's a difference between genuine interest and pass ag comment. I ha e a very unusual surname. The comments get incredibly boring but there's a difference between:

"What an unusual name, where's it from" and

"Ooh that's a funny name, is it Irish".

Or in relation to my single name:

"Ooh, that's forrin, are you Jewish or was your father forrin; or

I don't meet many people with that name, it's very unusual.

Lots of people ask me and dh. We don't say because half the world hate us, so just say where in the UK, then they ask a bit more and we are even more coy before giving in. I think it's fine to ask. It's not a big deal, and if anyone takes it as a big deal it's their fault for being too sensitive.

I wouldn’t say it’s rude, but it does make you feel like you aren’t ‘one of us’. I am white with a non-British accent. I consider the UK my home. I haven’t been back to my birth country in years. I’m a UK citizen. I feel like this is home and it’s jarring being reminded that everyone else sees me as different. I even got a ‘oh are you here on holiday?!’ the other day. I was like, no, I’ve lived here 15 years!

I do sometimes mention it in conversation and I don’t mind people asking questions. It’s more just the probing when I’m trying to buy petrol. I went into a shop the other day to buy a present for my daughter, and the shopkeeper literally went on and on and how strong my accent is (it’s actually not), how great it must be that people know I’m obviously not from here, etc. I was like, uh, actually it’s not but thanks for pointing it out!

I think all of those questions are a bit much because they'd be asked of somebody who doesn't 'slot' into norms for whatever the general norm is. I wouldn't ever ask those.

It's said that people really like talking about themselves so to my mind, let them, they may give you that information.

It’s ridiculous that anyone would be afraid to ask someone where they’re from but that’s the world we live in now.

If someone has an accent it's OK as part of ordinary conversation. The issue is when people ask a black person with a British accent of some sort "But where are you REALLY from?"

My husband is English, but we live in Ireland. He's lived here since very young, so has a very neutral accent. He's tall, fair and sallow skinned. Because his name is different and he is exotic looking to some Irish he gets mistaken for Polish all the time ..
• are you going home for holidays?
• How long have you lived here? Since I was 5. I was going to say your English is really good!
• Got bought Polish vodka for Christmas from a client "we don't usually get this but we got it especially for you".
He just laughs it off, his Polish friends even joke about it with him, but I imagine even if he was of Polish heritage and having grown up in here it would be annoying. But I think picking up on accent vs looks is very different! When we lived in UK people would comment on my accent all the time. Didn't phase me, but it was never microaggression... So I guess it depends on where you're from and how people generally treat you because of this.

I'm not English myself although I was born here and speak native English and even I'm interested in where people come from if I've clicked with them. If I have clicked with them, it just shows that I care about the person and I'm really interested in them. I also don't mind people asking me and it just shows that they are interested in me and just want to know more about me I guess but I do get it when other people might feel differently or uncomfortable. I do most of time drop where I come from in conversations to break that ice :)

It wouldn't bother me but political correctness is on the up

Follow your instincts

Shock horror some people are rude some people aren’t.

I wouldn't for a tradesman or similar person just there for a short while, person in a shop, etc, but I would for someone I would see again, and get to know a bit.

Just don’t say anything. Just in case.

As a ‘foreigner’, please only ask if it’s relevant to the discussion or if you’ve started talking about more personal stuff.

Basically, if you had someone with an unremarkable accent, would you ask them that question? No? Then dont it when it’s someone with ‘an accent’.
Otherwise it’s simply nosy with underlying racism/xenophobia. It highlights ince again that the person ‘isn’t from here’ even if they’ve lived there for 25+ years and have fully integrated. Seriously, it’s shit.

Don't do this. Not as a conversation starter.
Let's be honest, you don't really give a damn whether I go back much (the answer is "NO").
And it's draining. Every single situation of small talk revolving around the same topic.
I'll be up the ladder fixing my house and curious passers-by greet me (nice) and will ask about the house or the work I'm doing (nice) and then it descends into Guess-the-accent-and-throw-out-any-foreign-words-I-know-at-her game once again. 🤦
I am polite and don't let on but all I'm thinking is : bugger off and let me work!
I've started making up random facts about my ethnicity (and random foreign words 😂) just to entertain myself.

To be fair, 90% of people doing this are men and as an observation - they don't pick this topic with male strangers.

If someone has an accent it's OK as part of ordinary conversation.

Why, though? Most people who are living their lives in a country that's not their original one, functioning, working, socialising, raising families, often speaking the language as well as any first-language speaker, just want to be part of the community without other people reminding them constantly that they're other and different and needing to 'place' them. Even if the intent is positive, it can get very tiresome. And sadly, often, the intent isn't positive.

I have a slight accent still, after living in the UK for half my life. I am absolutely sick of being asked where I'm from!
I've never even been particularly patriotic, have no connections to my country of birth and as much as I enjoy some foods from the area, I prefer to holiday in warmer places.
If there was a list of things about me that 'make me' as a person, it would be around 183rd on the list.
I think it's often an easy conversation topic, but I blooming hate all the questions that follow. And no, I do not know the person you know from my country, there are thousands of people in my town and it's just makes me roll my eyes.
I was even considering working on getting rid of my accent altogether, just to avoid talking about it.
Sorry about the rant!

Oh yes! Agreeing with lots of these posts but really had a wry laugh at the guess-the-accent-and-bring-out-the-limited-and-clichéd-forrin-vocab game.

I also really dislike and resent the implication (in these 'where's home?' and 'do you get back much?' type questions) that the place I've lived half my life and practically all my adult life, where all my children were born, where I pay all my taxes and which I'm a citizen of, isn't actually 'home'.

I was going to say your English is really good!

@ABH100 this comment alongside ‘I couldn’t place your accent’

And the name stuff is why I’ve taken dh name when we get married. I’m avoiding many questions just because of that.

Your dh reacts like my two dcs. They laugh it off. Up to a point. Dc1 is starting to get really annoyed at comments about the fact is half french. Because it’s always taken as ‘you’re French’ full stop. His British side isn’t acknowledged but he is suppose to take ‘jokes’ about french people as it was never about him. ‘It’s just a joke!’.
Thats what underlying xenophobia can look like too.

I think if it just naturally comes up, then it's fine. Being asked at baby groups and school mums I don't hang out with- pointless and irritating.

@FondOfOwls
Yeah, it turns out that everyone has a friend from "my" country. Well, I don't 😂

Not rude to ask
it is rude not to accept the answer given

eg I come from London

• yeah but where do you really come from
• etc etc

Probably best to be cautious as there are quite a few, easily offended and highly strung people around these days. Which is a shame as it's usually just showing an interest in someone and is a common way of advancing a conversatiin in celtic nations (ime).

Ironically, I'm often asked this by folk who have moved, from abroad, to the UK and I'm a native Brit. It wouldn't occur to me to feel othered or offended in any way.

I am from another European country and often get asked especially as my accent is difficult to place. I don’t think it’s rude, but unless it’s a natural part of a conversation, it’s quite annoying. Similarly to how someone with a Yorkshire or Welsh accent would find it annoying to be asked in Tesco’s probably…

Imagine if people had conversations like this around British accents.

So you’re in Scotland and you have an English accent. A tradesman comes to your house. And you start asking:

1- So where are you from?
2- England
1- England? But where about exactly?
2- Linchonshire
1- oh really? From your accent, I thought you were from up north, like newcastle. I’ve been to Newcastle once when I was a teen. It’s a nice place. Do you go back to Newcastle often?
2- well yes I’m going back to see my parents in Skegness a couple of times a year.
1- you’re so lucky. I wish I could go away on holidays in another country like this.