Is it rude to ask where someone is from?

[RudenessCheck]

We had a plumber out to us yesterday. He was very nice and chatty. He spoke English as a second language. I was dying to ask him which country he originated from. I didn't as I wasn't sure if this question is rude or overly inquisitive, so I didn't.
Can you ask this question or is it rude?

I think skin colour is different to accent. I'm black and get asked where I'm from, and the answer is the UK. Fairly clear as I have a British accent. People are assuming I'm not from here based on my skin colour.

When someone has a non British accent, it's fair to assume they've moved here from somewhere else. My father is asked all the time where he's from and he's more than happy to answer. It might be a bit boring and repetitive but I don't think it's offensive.

If someone asked me where did I go to school I would ghink they are fishing for my memorable information 😂

It’s really annoying for me, especially as it is a very complicated question as I was born in the UK but raised elsewhere and while I am half English I am half another ethnicity and I don’t look white. So my answer is what exactly? 😆 Very long-winded and I hate when people ask me.

As long as you don’t say “Where are you really from?” if he answers a UK place to your question, it’s fine. It’s a follow up question that I’ve had so many times and makes me feel othered.
I am one of those people with a complicated story to the “where are you from?” question so I stick to the location of where I live. People who become friends can find out the story over time but explaining it to a stranger is boring for me and them, especially if they are the type to think that I’m foreign and they want to place me for their own reasons.

I got so many Polish guesses I should be entitled to Polish passport now... Unless they ask you to guess, don't please

It is absolutely not rude in the slightest. It's polite conversation and I struggle to see how anyone could think it was rude

I would never ask tbh. As has been said, some people get sick of being asked, and don't want to have to go on about their life story every time they speak to a stranger.

"Where are you from?" can translate as "You're not from here!!" though.

You're essentially saying "You're not British!"

Now answering this question once or twice might be fine for an immigrant but when it's asked over and over it enforces the sense of otherness, of not belonging, of not fitting in and being noticeably different and this becomes isolating. If you're bitten by a mosquito occasionally that's irritating, but if you're covered with bites that's something else. Be aware that your friendly "Where are you from?" may well be that one bite too many that gets you a bite back.

And if you do ask, and they reply "North London", please, please don't ask "No, where are you REALLY from?".

I don’t like it when people try to guess where I’m from - it seems like they’re trying to be clever because they think they know the country so well.

and most of the time they get it wrong, which is annoying because I don’t think I sound like the other accent. And then I have to correct them which is a bit embarrassing.

I’d rather people just ask if they’re genuinely interested.

Are you routinely asked where you are from?

I think showing interest in someone's accent is fine, asking them where they're from based on the colour of their skin has racist undertones.

I get asked all the time and it can get annoying, especially as so many people hate Americans. I sometimes feel on my guard when I’m alone. One time I bought a blouse in Debenhams and the woman at the till told me (without me asking) she couldn’t ship it to America. 😆 Yeah, thanks for that information.

@RoseLattice yes I am actually. Unsure why taking an interest would be classed as rude though. If they clearly do not have English as first language then it's common sense they are not originally from uk.

I think it's fine to ask if you are chatting in general. If it's the first thing you ask someone when you meet it might be a bit intrusive. But like in your case someone has spent time in your home and you are chatting there's nothing wrong with asking, it's just one of many questions used to get to know someone.
I've spent a lot of time overseas so I've been asked the question a lot while travelling. It might be boring to hear when it's frequent but it's just a normal question.

But if I met you down here near the south coast I would be asking as in what part of Yorkshire are you from. We lived in Manchester for many years and last year had a roofer come to fix a leak and I recognised his Bolton accent immediately and started up a conversation about how it’s distinct from the Manchester accent but I definitely started with, ‘Ah, where are you from?’ The guy was Asian heritage but it didn’t occur to me he might think I was referring to his skin colour. I mean, he answered, Manchester, to which I replied, ‘oh, I thought it sounded Bolton way’ and he confirmed it was and we chatted. The idea that he may have thought I asked him because of his skin colour is horrifying!

It would never have occurred to me that people may find that offensive or frustrating. 😞

Don't ask this sort of thing on a first meeting, because it's none of your business. Especially if they look or talk a bit different to you, because you are potentially signalling that they don't belong, even if that isn't your intention. If you wouldn't ask if they were white (I'm assuming you're white, apologies if not) and had the local accent, then don't ask when they're not.

When I get to know someone better I might say something like "I'm guessing that not all of your grandparents were born in Essex...?", but it would be after I'd got to the stage of finding out if they are married, have kids, etc.

I think you have to keep in mind that the person has probably been asked this a million times, you most likely are not the first. So unless they introduce it into the conversation themselves I wouldn’t ask as it’s boring to them.

If I need to know or become inquisitive I usually volunteer something about myself first, such as I have only lived here 2 years or whatever, Do you live locally?

People always ask me. I just assumed it was part of polite conversation. Where are you from? Do you have children? Etc.

My DH has had the "no, where are you from?" question once. The guy couldn't believe that he was from a northern city.

But from my pov, it’s always about accent. I’d never ask it if anyone with a local accent regardless of their skin colour. Why would I? I’d just assume they were local. I’d certainly never dream of asking anyone your question about their GPs! 😮

I love accents and will often say 'you have an interesting accent where's that from'?

That might be a foreign one or someone that lives 50 miles away. It's conversation, and a way of learning about the world.

I had a great chat with a taxi driver from Yemen off the back of this recently.

I can see it would pee some people off if asked a lot but others might enjoy being asked 🤷🏼‍♀️

When I get to know someone better I might say something like "I'm guessing that not all of your grandparents were born in Essex...?", but it would be after I'd got to the stage of finding out if they are married, have kids, etc.

For me with my obvious accent and name it's much less personal to ask where I am from than ask ifI am married or have kids. These are well personal questions. Why are these ok but not the other?

Asking someone where they're from is not racism if that's what you're worried about @RudenessCheck. Finding out where someone is from a dishing them because of it is racism.

So, ask away. As long as you then don't get into racist behaviour, which I'm sure you wouldn't, you are A-OK.

I personally dread it. I’m Israeli and while I love my country I feel genuine fear (not unfounded, from experience it’s not a safe place to tell people you’re from) when people ask. Often people are kind and non judgemental but you never know when you’re going to get verbally abused or worse so with that in mind I’d never ask someone where they’re from. Not because I’m not interested or because I’d judge them but because I wouldn’t want to cause anyone else that fear.

Well it's racist isn't it?
You've noticed either their skin isn't like yours or they have a 'foreign' accent. You are saying subtly 'I noticed you are not like me so I'm pointing that out to you'.

If you are all participants on a holiday excursion travelling it's fine. If you work in tourism and they are visiting as part of that it's also fine.

But if you meet them in the normal workings of a day it's not appropriate to ask.