I really hate my life. It is honestly the most pathetic existence.

[ihatemylife8]

I'm 30. I have no friends. No partner and never had a partner. I've never so much as hugged a man let alone anything more. My job stresses me out and I seem to burn out in jobs every 6 months or so and then leave. I constantly have hives because I'm stressed, and I don't even know why I'm stressed half the time. I live with my parents still and can't afford to rent even a studio. My Mum is literally my only friend. On weekends where she is busy with her own life I just sit at home as I have no one else to do things with.

I really don't know why it's all gone wrong. I was 'normal' as a child and teen but have had a complete failure to launch. I have tried therapy and CBT and they were a waste of time and made me feel worse.

You are only 30. There is still plenty of time! Have a think about what it is you want and set yourself some goals. Do you want to make some friends? You could try volunteering or meeting them through a hobby. Do you want a partner? You could try online dating. Do you want you own place? If yes, have you worked out your finances to see what you can afford. I read that you were made redundant. Have a look for a new job that interests you and apply. You will get a new job! Good luck! 🌺

Big big hug to you OP. You are not pathetic and you matter.

Join a local church: there are lots of activities and socialising!

Big hug. That's so shit. If you can afford it at all take some time out to regroup. x

Become a scout leader. I really enjoyed it

Great advice. Being lonely is horrible but companionship is a great start.Step by step OP, wishing u well

I think it’s so good you have come on here and shared your dissatisfaction with how things are. It shows that you are ready for change and to hear new ideas, and to open yourself up to support.

I promise you there is nothing pathetic or failing about you or your life, not at all. Really, nothing. There are pathetic and failing people out there, you’re not one of them! But there are things you understandably feel frustrated and sad about. In fact you are probably using a lot of strength and achievement in getting through the day to day, that’s not failure at all but it is hard for you. Things can get better.

I also wonder about neurodiversity and I would try to find out more about that. You can ask to be referred for assessment but even if the wait is long, you can start to read a bit about late diagnosis autism or ADD in women, maybe follow a few relevant Instagram accounts or forums. If what you read seems to fit then even before any diagnosis you might start to feel like you understand yourself and your situation better, and find others who can empathise. I am waiting for assessment myself and I really feel that just reading about it and seeing what others say makes so much sense of things for me, I am not yet sure how to turn that into change but I can tell it is going to help.

There have been lots of great suggestions, but no matter what happens or what turns out to be a factor in your situation remember this key thing…you are young and have plenty of time to improve things for yourself. Don’t let the whole 30 thing play tricks on you, take it from many of us who are older and can look back…you are very young and have everything to play for. In fact if you have youth, physical health, and supportive parents you have some of the absolutely key most precious and powerful resources in life. I would never say someone should give up without those things at all, or that it is easy for you to leverage them into the change you want. Just that they really will help, and that you must not make the mistake of thinking it’s too late.

There are people out there looking for someone like you, who need you in their lives and would be so glad to have you as a friend or a romantic partner. I promise you that. Don’t give up on finding them.

Absolutely!

I like "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got".

Good luck OP.

If I was you, next time you feel like switching jobs, get a job in hospitality, a cafe or a bar, somewhere where people stay a while and chat. That has regulars. It's a rule governed, structured, low risk way of getting a ton of practice making small talk and slowly building a network of social relations. It's like anything, all you need is practice to build your confidence. And dye your hair.

I think really focusing on health (diet and exercise) will give you something to focus on and maybe change your way of thinking. Why not sign up to a one month challenge? Set some goals and finds groups to help
you achieve them.

I think some You Tube videos on failure to launch may help. Just encourage you and give you some direction.

hang in there OP. You can turn this around and make a better life for yourself.

So sorry, you seem to be really fed-up, do you think you could be depressed? I think you maybe....First of all go and see your doctor, explain how you are feeling and then go from there....Do you have any hobbies, sometimes getting involved with clubs helps with isolation, as you get to meet people who like the same things as you do...If you do want a friend there are many on-line sites you can sign up to...Unfortunately, no-one is going to knock on your door and make your issues go away. I am not being harsh, but you have to put yourself out there, don't waste your life, it's all too short as we know...
Is a career change possible, maybe something to think about.....and if you do want to meet someone special, there are plenty of dating websites...Only you are holding yourself back, please try you never know. Good luck , l wish you all the best.

Aww OP - it is really, really hard to make friends in your thirties and it’s really hard to meet romantic partners too.
i agree with other posts about seeking opportunities to meet new people. It might be scary to do that at first and you won’t make a close friend instantly but going out to just one thing a week sounds like it will brighten your mood. Is there also anything you can do at home to brighten your mood - any hobbies or courses you can do in the house - online art course for example? The more you do the better you will feel.

im so sorry to hear about the redundancy- that’s really crap. Do seek legal advice or union advice if you’re in one and make sure you are paid what you are owed! Think about what job you would like next, especially if it might make you a bit happier. Could a new role where you are in the office or in the workplace be better for you than a work from home role as it’s means you will be out and about more (although your circumstances/ job sector might mean this isn’t possible).
please take some comfort that there is a huge bunch of strangers on here that cares about you! X

Try to re frame your redundancy to yourself. Lots of people get made redundant. It doesn't mean they are useless. In fact it's often a blessing.

Sort out your cv. Write down all the things you'd like about a new career. Anything at all!
Then mosey about on linked in and look at jobs. Apply for a few or temp whilst you decide.

I would say you can't change everything at once. You have a supportive home and mum. So that doesn't need change yet.

Suggest finding a job you like, or re training in an mature apprenticeship? Not remote though. You need to get out! Find a job within walking distance if at all possible.

Ps, no one puts anti depressant use On their cv. And they are helpful if feeling low.

Go for a long walk every day. Take care of yourself. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Visualise yourself happy and write a journal - 3 things that have made me happy today or something.

Also - just an idea- but do you have something that you’ve never done which you wanted to? Could you perhaps find a way to do it to give you a bit of a confidence boost? I was scared of water until I was 35 - never learnt to swim or went in a pool. I enrolled in lessons at the beginning of the year and now swim every week with the folk in my class - we had a shared goal that we wanted to overcome together which bonded us much more than just attending a gym class. And it gave me a boost that I can get over difficulties and learn new things. Is there something like that for you - even just something small? It might then give you the energy to then change something else.

Think about joining a nice casual community choir, don’t worry about whether you can sing or not, that’s not the point of community choirs, you can be a tenor or alto. Also there’s often walking groups and book groups around. I do feel for you, I’m quite outgoing but also find some social situations challenging so I’ve had to really force myself to be brave and get out there. Could you consider a flat share or start saving for one maybe?

Hey there, I’m feeling for you. What I’d say is go to local churches, doesn’t matter if you don’t have a faith but there will be loads of people there that will welcome you, lots of groups you can join and from there you can spread your wings, choose what suits you and drop what isn’t right. And volunteering is a great way forward to meeting people. Big hugs to you

Tell us a bit more please? is there an age limit?

Could you change what you do for a job? Something less likely to burn you out?

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling like this. One day you’ll learn to look on the bright side, or your life may even change and you’ll miss some parts of the days you’re experiencing now. If you’d like to date, use the apps - (I found my husband on one), if you’d like to be social, explore meet up.com and other similar sites, I was down in the dumps for similar reasons when I was 30 but using these suggestions changed my life. Now, pregnant with baby two, and talking about buying a second home, I do look back fondly to the solo Netflix binge sessions, and endless duvet days. Even if things don’t change, you’ll learn to realise that your life is already full and rich. I wish you all the best.

You seem to be feeling very bad about yourself. Can you work on starting with some form of exercise, yoga, running, to give you something productive to self change. Work on new hair styles, makeup, clothing styles. This will boost your confidence. Try therapy again with a different therapist, the other therapist might not have been a good match for you. Then maybe join a book club or something that might pique your interest. You may start seeing yourself differently. Can you take classes in something? Painting, anything. Maybe, you’ll feel less apathetic. Go to a cafe by yourself….dont wait for life to happen to you. With that said…Good Luck. 🙏🏻👍🏻

Oh goodness what a shock with the redundancy, sorry. Hope something better comes along.

To make your life happier, I think you have to figure out what makes you happy. For me that meant trying things and I found Meetup a good way to try things.
I love group walking, but I'm not a fan of the overnight thing in a hostel. I don't enjoy nights out drinking but I love to boogie til late, that's a bit tricky but people respect you if your up front about it.
I love dining out (if I've got money) but not in noisy places, somewhere quiet with good food.
I love animals but pets are a tie so don't commit until you're sure.
Borrow a dog, Volunteer at the cat shelter etc.
I Iove cycling and really enjoyed when I could cycle as part iof my commute. I loved the control of arriving when I wanted, not down to traffic or buses.
So try lots of things with an open mind, see what gives you joy and start from there.

Go dancing. Google CEROC or LINDY HOP or SWING DANCING. Salsa is also an option if you can stand the music, but it can get a bit sleazy and elitist (sorry salsa dancers, but you know it's true). The others are more fun and less intimidating if you're shy. You need an interest that involves human contact, is non-elitest, and doesn't require deep conversation that will take you out of your self-destructive cycle of self-analysis.
Ballroom tends to be an older crowd, and less social. All the ones I recommended (even salsa) do not usually require you to take a partner. Take a brave pill, and go dancing - you will feel much better about yourself. Good luck.

@ihatemylife8 your post really resonates with me. I feel very similar at times, my job takes everything and I almost feel excused by the time I get home. I found that I needed to push myself to do things to try and add another dimension to my life. I took knitting lessons, did a computer programming course and the biggest one I got a part time job in a pub!
I didn't find the knitting or programing helped find friends but they were a safe way to get out and see how other people are and how they react it almost gave me practice in these situations. Working in a pub was the big thing that really pushed me out of my comfort zone but gave me a small community that I was welcomed into. I is a 'locals' pub and now I can go there for a drink or meal and know people its boosted my self confidence and although the money isn't great doing 1 shift a week the money doesn't hurt!

Do you like hobbies op? It would get you out. My friend in a drama group they always out. Choir good too. I did walking and met a few through that. Otherwise my week is endless so these would get you out.

Where do you live OP?