I really hate my life. It is honestly the most pathetic existence.

[ihatemylife8]

I'm 30. I have no friends. No partner and never had a partner. I've never so much as hugged a man let alone anything more. My job stresses me out and I seem to burn out in jobs every 6 months or so and then leave. I constantly have hives because I'm stressed, and I don't even know why I'm stressed half the time. I live with my parents still and can't afford to rent even a studio. My Mum is literally my only friend. On weekends where she is busy with her own life I just sit at home as I have no one else to do things with.

I really don't know why it's all gone wrong. I was 'normal' as a child and teen but have had a complete failure to launch. I have tried therapy and CBT and they were a waste of time and made me feel worse.

Hear me out:

Apply to a brick uni, move into halls of residents, get a part-time job for evenings or weekends, make friends with lots of different aged people, like-minded people, then 2nd year you and your new group of friends find a student house to rent- New career, new friends, no burn out in a job you hate, exciting prospects for the future. You need to help yourself out of this hole you seem to be in, as well as seeking support from others.

Hi, sorry things feel hard for you right now. I understand & went through similar. It is frustrating & can feel hard to know where to start but there are good suggestions on here, night school, clubs, hobbies that get you out.
Btw I met my now DH on a very rare night out, have 3 kids & sish I'd done more during the "quiet' phase of my life, 0lease do try some new things, you never know where it will lead, even if it is to find out you hate a certain activity, there's nothing to lose!💐

Go to the pub, maybe one on a night when there's live entertainment. Go on your own, buy
yourself a drink. Dress nicely, smile at every body, wear a nice lippy. Yes you'll need to be brave. It works though. I got told I look stunning and I'm no spring chicken.

You just haven't 'found yourself' yet. Join a library and start taking an interest in travel, and careers, craft work just for a start, and who know where that will lead you.

Some people stay at home a long time, because there they have had security, and when they get outside are unsure of themselves. That is natural for people who have not been brought up to be outgoing and explore the world.

Just like at the seaside you dip your toe in the sea hoping the sun has warmed it up, that is what you need to do. Don't look to other people to give you security. You have to find that for yourself, because one day you will find yourself on your own and you will feel worse than you do now if you don't take life by the tail and swing it around until you find yourself.

There is a world to explore, and anyone can do that by themselves if they have no alternative.

Definitely go travelling or volunteering for a year. Just Google volunteer placements Africa etc
New years resolutions to do new things/ join new clubs.
If you have anxiety either start small or throw yourself in if you want a big change!

Just wanted to add something, and I don’t know if it’s already been said.

Please don’t think that everyone else is more successful and happier than you. Even when it looks like it, I can almost guarantee that’s not the case.
Many people who are married, with kids, co-habiting etc wish they had the freedom that you do. I know, I was stuck in an unhappy marriage for a long time, and it took loads of strength and courage to finally leave. My great job also went to shit and I’ve ended up changing career in later life.

I’m now often alone, as only have my kids half the week, but I’m finding I quite enjoy my own company and don’t mind doing things alone.

I go to the cinema on my own, go to gigs on my own, and have started making more effort to get out and meet people. Currently trying online dating, which is certainly interesting! 😂 Looking at a solos weekend away also.

So go on, be brave and get out there living life! I know it’s not easy but you CAN do it.

Tryingtoread lovely post 😊

When my friends got married or left the birth country after uni, I had no one , just colleagues for quite few years. I had to decide to take the world by the tail, migrated and all came into focus. Never planned to migrate but staying alone and in badly paid jobs wasn't much fun

Also, married now, etc, tbh the favourite part about my job is that I am solo worker and then I love to do solo dining, solo roaming historic towns streets, solo drinking chai latte, because these times are rare now. I have kids and is busy

you are only 30s. All the mums I know gave birth for the first time after 35
you have to get up , spruce up and no matter what, put yourself out there on numerous venues

Hi, I'm sorry for not responding sooner. Yesterday morning I went into work and had a meeting invite in my calendar for a meeting with my manager and HR. I got told that I'm being made redundant and they have paid out my notice period so I was made to leave there and then, so I've been a bit distracted and upset. I really appreciate all of your comments. I will try and go through them all properly tomorrow and reply to some of your questions, but please know I'm really grateful for all of the advice I have received.

Oh no! I’m not surprised you’re upset.

And I’m sure it’s too soon for you to see this as A Sign. But it’s possibly an opportunity.

How are you left financially right now? (No need to share details, just vaguely!)

I hope you find your way to a better life. It is an uphill journey, but you made a start by telling us.

Don't disappoint us. We will look to see how you get on, so tell us.

30 is pretty young and you’ve got plenty of time to turn things around.

I know how it feels to be stuck but no existence is pathetic.

My advice is make a list of the advice on here and commit to trying a few things out and see how you get on.

Sorry to hear about your job. Hope you can make the most of the time to do things to pick yourself up.

30 is a difficult time The power to change your life is in your own hands but sitting at home isn't going to change anything Get out and do something you enjoy or go to a evening class or learn a sport I'm currently learning to swim that's been life-changing in so many ways for me

did you get a decent redundancy payout OP? Can you afford to not have to find another job right away?

This has possibly come at a good time in your life when you’ve realised you’re not happy and want things to change.
Sorry I can’t really make any great suggestions, but this could be your reason to retrain or just do something you love - if you can spend time exploring your options.
You could look for a job in a field where you’d be working as part of a team (again, sorry I can’t think of any examples off the top of my head)

What’s that saying? “This could be the first day of the rest of your life!”
I agree with PPs who have suggested community groups, hobbies etc as well.
Maybe online dating as well, but personally I’d wait and see how the other stuff works out first and hopefully grow your confidence and happiness before you start looking for love.

Good luck OP

Girl you are 30. Not over the hill yet by any means. At 30 I was working in a dead end job, no money, no relationships, hadn’t traveled in years, had some acquaintances but no real friends. Fast forward to now in my mid 30s I re trained as nurse and work in a really acute specialty so have a career that actually makes a difference. I’ve travelled LOADS in the past couple of years and plan for much more. Oh and biggest of all I’ve got a baby on the way due next spring!

I spent years obsessively comparing myself to everyone else and to be honest, probably still do. Old habits die hard. In a world of social media we have the perfect everything thrown in our faces but the vast majority of it is fake or just for show.

You have so much time to make changes.

What about getting a small dog, and taking it for regular walks. It would be company for you. You might get chatting to other regular dog walkers in the area. You could bring a camera too and start taking more of an interest in the outdoor environment. If you did a photography course or joined a photography club, it’s a very interactive subject - you all naturally look at and comment on each others photos. As pp said, join Meet Up, it’s free. Try some interactive activities with Meet Up, eg playing board games, or learning to play pool/ billiards- so you are all focussed on the activity, rather than having to talk much. Some areas also do cinema visits with Meet Up. Read books and watch films, so if you do get chatting to someone you can say “have you seen…. / read… I can really recommend such and such…” Good luck OP, try and think of this as the beginning of an exciting adventure. Many of us have been in a similar position to you. Analysing your situation won’t change anything, only adding enjoyable things will! The book “How to influence and win people over” (or something like that!) also has some good advice. Best of luck 😊

Sorry, I have just seen your update, sorry to hear about your redundancy. Speak to your GP if you feel your mood getting lower than it is 🫂

I can relate to your feelings of loneliness although my situation is different. But it's an awful feeling, seeing happy people together enjoying life. Its always there and sometimes being around people is even lonelier.

Oh wow OP, I’m so sorry to hear this.

Maybe see this as a turning point for your life?

Take a deep breath and take stock. What job would really suit you and stress you out less? Public facing / non public facing? Working alone or with others? Maybe there is a training course you can do?

Have a good think. Then, find a job somewhere in an area that has rooms to rent. You should be able to find a room for £400 a month or so in a city.

When the time comes, take the plunge. You need to put yourself out there and start swimming, it will build your confidence, help you meet new people and develop independence.

On reading the OP’s post, my first thought was ‘are you neurodiverse?’ Sounds like my daughter.

I'm sorry about the job op... Sounds like a shock. How are you doing?.

Go get some formal careers advice. Think about what you enjoy and don’t enjoy.

I am really sorry you're feeling this way. And sorry to hear about your job. The truth of the matter is nobody is coming to save you. So if you want things to change it's down to you. What do you enjoy doing? Dancing, quizzes, bowling, fishing, reading.. Write a list of 5 potential hobbies that you would be interested in taking up. Then look at what's on in your area, you'll meet people who enjoy the same things as you. It must be so lonely and isolating if all you're doing is going to a job that you don't enjoy then coming home again. If you have things you enjoy doing to break it up a bit I'm sure you will start to feel a bit better. Do you like animals? Could you volunteer somewhere? Any charities that you would like to get involved with? I really hope things get better for you x

I too have nothing really to add. People have made some good suggestions on here. I too am chronically shy and it is difficult to make friends when an adult. You are not alone. Any you are not a failure. Loneliness is endemic in our society and the world can seem a scary place. I wish you all the best and sincerely hope you will find some answers soon. You deserve to be happy.