I really hate my life. It is honestly the most pathetic existence.

[ihatemylife8]

I'm 30. I have no friends. No partner and never had a partner. I've never so much as hugged a man let alone anything more. My job stresses me out and I seem to burn out in jobs every 6 months or so and then leave. I constantly have hives because I'm stressed, and I don't even know why I'm stressed half the time. I live with my parents still and can't afford to rent even a studio. My Mum is literally my only friend. On weekends where she is busy with her own life I just sit at home as I have no one else to do things with.

I really don't know why it's all gone wrong. I was 'normal' as a child and teen but have had a complete failure to launch. I have tried therapy and CBT and they were a waste of time and made me feel worse.

Try Meetup.com. You can join all kinds of social groups there.

Sorry to hear about the job OP, that's rotten news. Just take care of yourself for the next few days, give yourself time to process before working out what to do next.

OP, when you feel up to it, would now be a good time to think about doing a college course to retrain? What would your dream job be? You are living with your parents so it wouldn’t be such a financial struggle to say, study part time and work part time. The Open University have lots of short taster courses, and also free, very short courses on a variety of subjects (eg 10 hour courses on history, sport, nutrition, business, psychology, education, arts and so on)….

https://www.open.edu/openlearn/free-courses/full-catalogue

This is the book I meant earlier… How to win friends and influence people…

www.amazon.co.uk/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0091906814/ref=sr_1_1?crid=254JNDVBGVVT2&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.NMF1MFR0Tm5sFsJFAFJvBmD_YAEXi1JxT_Uo_7lk89I88W3NcgkuYJ8x3EVYBWxTx84Uy6xX1yh8avBJEFoJHUWdAAtgHSoJ3IFvteJrLaWcdFNXXbmOZzUZ0vGGgivql554pG62a3-k4YGHWMuKV90R7334z0Aij5P1HRt1BuLBKWwqhJ8kkoqjP0aBXbzcXhKHi_KNRBvl8ALCZxi_18ABiaL0hiQmuC4PHOkcqJ8.JaHiSGCDyNgJ7_3XF5ZrEckPRW4aMdHEAEixbZcO67A&dib_tag=se&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people+dale+carnegie&nsdOptOutParam=true&qid=1727808442&sprefix=How+to+influe%2Caps%2C235&sr=8-1

Hi op could you make a list of the things you enjoy doing? As others said could you volunteer somewhere? Do you like animals (stables or dogs/ cat/ shelter/ train for a job with animals) Do you read much? (Book club/library/ online in eg booktwitter or the Facebook book group/ the friendly book group) Can you swim? Would you start badminton/ hockey? Have you heard of eg any board game cafes near you? Chess clubs? I think a lot of this is about you being content in your own company too. I know you won’t feel it now but honestly the world is your oyster. Just start small though so you don’t feel everything has been uprooted. Huge hugs op x

Really I’d think the long term responsibility for a dog wouldn’t be a good idea right now. The OP doesn’t want anything to tie her down just when she may be free to spread her wings.

join an evening class and learn a language - spanish is easiest in my opinion. It changed my life and has been my hobby for more than 30 years although i am by no means fluent. I made two friends at the classes although they have moved away now

There’s nothing wrong with living with parents and your mum being your best friend. I was exactly the same well into my 30s.

It sounds like you’re picking the wrong jobs, next time go for something completely different.

People cause a lot of drama and can be so unkind. Better to have 1 or 2 friends, quality over quantity.

Where are you based ? What do you like doing ?

We’ve just joined a local gym (me & SEN DD) and have decided to try all the classes before discounting anything. We are also trying craft clubs, bmx club, climbing club, bowls, and art. It’s not about the activity, it’s the people we are meeting that’s the best bit x

30 is still very young OP.

Could you get on dating apps, if that’s something you’re interested in? Go on dates - you don’t have to view it as going to meet a husband - you’re just meeting new people and learning what you do and don’t like.

What don’t you like about your jobs? Could you retrain as something that you think you’d enjoy?

Do you have any hobbies that you’ve always wanted to try? Hobbies can be a very social thing and a good way to meet new friends?

Would you consider renting a flat? A flat share with people your same age would be a nice way to meet people?

You also absolutely don’t have to wait for other people to try things. You could start with solo trips to the cinema, solo meals out, go to see plays, etc.
Save a bit of money and travel?

Life is for living & it’s absolutely what you make of it, get out there OP - 30 can be the start of your life!

This!!
Such great advice. It’s unlikely you’ll find happiness in others if you aren’t happy with yourself.
Do everything that this person has suggested here.
you’re young, you have (by sounds of it) very little responsibility financially- enjoy this!! It doesn’t last! Eventually you’ll be saddled down with rent or mortgage and bills and you’ll be working to live. Enjoy your freedom. Go “find yourself”, get out there. Joining a gym is good- even if it’s a small spa type gym rather than muscle head gym as less intimidating. You’ll get endorphins off the exercise and people will begin to nod a hello and then chat etc the more regularly you go.
Good luck and yes, chin up mate.

So sorry to hear you're being made redundant, that really sucks. You say you live at home, can you afford to take a bit of time out to reassess?

I would look for some careers advice to work out what you enjoy, what's making you stressed and what you'd like to do going forward. Is there a job you'd like to do, maybe spend some time retraining or returning to study?

I'm in the Rebel Badge Club. It's like Guides/Scouts but for adults (not affiliated with them!). There's local groups you can meet up with, events throughout the year all around the country and you work towards badges which can really push you to try new things. It means you can make friends within the club but also local people when trying new things.

Thinking of you as you navigate things. Definitely see your GP to chat about how you're feeling too.

I know of a few people who have struggled socially for various reasons who have found communities online. Could this be a first step for you? In some cases online friends have become real life friends too, (obviously you need to be careful here).

I also think the advice to figure out what you enjoy doing and do it in your own is good. The happier you are in yourself, the more others will be drawn to you.

“My job stresses me out and I seem to burn out in jobs every 6 months or so and then leave.”

Is it really burnout or are you doubting yourself / low self esteem. Is it a defensive, jump before you’re pushed mentality? Seems strange to get burnout every time and so quickly. If so, could you try staying and see what happens?

Can you try one thing everyday that gets you out of you comfort zone...however small and build up. I got into a rut a while ago and did a sailing course which was three nights on a boat with random people by myself...on the way driving there i was thinking what the f am i doing and sooo nearly chickened out and turned around, but i did it. Didnt make life long friends but met some nice people and had a really fun time and it helped totally shift my outlook and life got better. Life is out there just got to push yourself. Some great ideas mentioned on jere... paddleboatding, outdoor swimming, choir, rowing, walking club, cookery course, pottery.... pick one and give it a go!

Nothing changes unless something changes....or whatever the saying is!

Hi OP, I have had a similar time to you. It turns out that I just really hated myself and that was a lot for people to be around.

What helped me was to write some not sooooooo bad things about me, that I liked. Most of them were really small to begin with such I liked my eyelashes, or the small 3 freckles under my right eye. It could also be what you enjoy doing such as I like the sound of the sea etc....

It was really hard at first to not give in to ...."if only" thinking, but to find things that I liked right now. I have a much better relationship with myself now.

Before you start dating anyone, you must feel happy with yourself otherwise you will latch on to the first person that gives you the time of day. Start small, e.g taking someone’s dog regularly for a walk you meet lots of people. One small change in your life will give you confidence for the next thing. Rather than looking on what you haven’t got look a what you have got. Best of luck.

@ihatemylife8 I would also take this as a sign.
Sit with your feelings. If you can, look at your passions and work out what:
you need
you want
you desire
Spend time mentally exploring these and address the most urgent first. Although it may be financial, I would urge you to also prioritise your mental health

Lots of helpful advice here, I just wanted to say I hope things improve for you.
Embrace the positives x

Look at your local college for evening courses. Maybe photography, flower arranging, cake icing, a modern foreign language would be appealing. Also try on line dating. Meet in a public place do not go back to his place until you know him.

You are exactly the right age to launch/move out if you were Spanish! Plenty of time, Sorry to hear you are being made redundant.
There are lots of options to meet people that are not pub or party. I do think volunteering is a great thing to do and can lead to friendships. Soup kitchen one evening, beach cleaning or Wildlife Trust, so many choices if you Google for your area. Or allotments have many younger growers now. Groups like young ramblers are low key. Try something, the first one may not prove ideal but something will.

@Tryingtoread Your post is perfect x

Op, I don’t really have anything to add; the advice you’ve been given here has been amazing and I truly hope life starts looking up for you soon.

I can imagine your ‘freedom’ is almost overwhelming; start small. One small change will lead to another, and another…

And if you use SM; why not set up an insta account and you can keep it private but record something you’ve done that week outside the normal. Almost like an online diary, something you can look back on this time next year and think WOW. I frigging done that! (You could have a faceless account and have it public - you may find like minded people that want a connection too)

Good luck op. I’m rooting for you x

Do you think there's a possibility you might be neuro-diverse? Have you ever had friends (you say you were 'normal' as a child)? If so, what happened with them? Have you ever had any sexual encounters, such as kissing a man?

@Tryingtoread - gorgeous post and very kind of you to take time to write it

Can I suggest Parkrun OP? I know for a lot of people, running is not a consideration, but hear me out...

April this year I started the Couch to 5k. It was organised by a local running club (not an affiliated club, but a social group). Every Saturday morning, we would do the third walk/jog of the programme. Parkrun is free and really casual with runners but also walkers that might take an hour or more to complete the route. There are tailwalkers so you will never be the last person across the line.

Week 1, I didn't know anyone and couldn't jog the first 60 seconds. I kept going. 5 months later and I have a small group of local men and women of all ages and levels of ability that I call my friends. I wave to them in town, we have a WhatsApp group, have been invited on nights out. I've had a couple of running "dates" - platonic, but we just jog and chat about anything and everything for the time we are out.

I started to feel fitter, and feeling fitter and healthier meant I started taking care of myself in lots of other areas of my life. My mental health is the best it's been for years.

Perhaps you could find your local Parkrun on Facebook. If you feel it's for you, you could ask whether anyone else is taking part in a Couch to 5k. The volunteers are really friendly and are usually there well before and after the event too. You could even volunteer yourself! Every Parkrun is always looking for helpers.

I hope you find something that you can share with others. Good luck!