Son heard us having sex

[blessedsatellite]

He's 11 and was really upset.

He came home from school and was quiet and seemed a bit down so I asked him what was wrong and he eventually told me he's heard us having sex the past few weekends and then started crying.

He didn't say sex explicitly but I knew where it was going when he explained when/where/what.

Before anyone says its natural and normal etc etc, that's all very well but it's bloody horrible hearing your parents have sex. I still feel gross when I remember hearing my parents.

I've read similar posts on here and I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for from this. Maybe some sympathy!

I didn't confirm nor deny anything, I said I'd speak to his dad and thanked him very much for telling me and gave him a big hug. I don't know what I should have said! Bloody nora.

If he's anything like me this will have scarred him for life 🙈 I'm only half-joking.

I'm not gonna lie, i would be upset too if i was your DS.
Just keep the noise down from now on .

I would bring it up again. Hit a few key talking points. Obviously parents have sex. You didn’t realize the sound carried. It’s rude to have sex so that other people can hear. You weren’t good housemates in that regard and you will do better.

you can also talk about how he is getting older and in some ways there will be more things that pop up where everyone has to work together for a happy household Hopefully not as mortifying as this, but things like shower schedules, what to watch on tv, etc. he is getting old enough that his needs will need to be factored in, but he has to also be considerate of others. So you are proud of him for speaking up. This is a sign you all can work together as he grows up.

squeaky beds?

I remember hearing my parents at it when I was 11- awful! But I survived.

Maybe you aren't having the right kind of sex?

I am near mute when my child is at home, but when she's not.....

Came to say the same thing 😂

I walked in on my parents on a Sunday afternoon when I was approximately 15/16, I think they were more embarrassed than me tbh...
Just came on to say I haven't been traumatised for life and reasonably normal...😉

Don't make a big thing of it, tell him it's normal for two consenting adults etc etc,
He'll be fine...

Oh god I remember this happening to me when I was about 8 and I still vividly recall the horror and disgust now 😂 35 years later.

Yes it's natural and normal etc but definitely do your best to make sure it doesn't happen again.

I remember 8 year old me being absolutely furious and banging my wall so they'd hear me.

Oh god, you poor thing, and bless him for telling you. I really worry about this. Small house, children’s bedrooms wedged either side of ours, they don’t go to sleep much earlier than us these days…there’s literally never a time when DH and I are both in the house and the children aren’t here, so we just get on with it at night as quietly as possible but I panic that they might hear the odd incriminating noise.

Even quiet noise/heavy breathing/bed moving slightly can be heard if your walls are thin.

(Also, 'all that awful noise' - are you just shagging in perfect silence? Sounds fun.)

It's so difficult when they are teenagers and start going to sleep later than you. Especially if you have a small house and their room is next to yours.
I've gone though this same thing a few days ago with my 15 year old overhearing us. Was silent the mist part but the final moments let slip with the noise. Had no idea she was actually still awake as it was quite late.
All you can do is try and be more mindful in future. If the bed squeaks try moving to a different place on it or put the duvet on the floor. We are going to try be silent, and have also bought a TV for the room to drown out any bed movement noises

Ah now I’m interested. What’s the “right kind of sex”?

And guess what?! Some people even do it with the lights on 😯

@blessedsatellite

how 'bad' was it, just a bit of moaning & groaning or full on 'oh Bob don't stop, fuck me hard Big Boy' ??

big difference.

If I'm making no noise, I'm not orgasming. I've never been able to orgasm silently and, if my hitachi wand is involved, it can be very loud.

Fortunately, I don't have kids.

I used to hear my parents most nights and I was so anxious I'd end up with a sore stomach and unable to sleep, it was bloody horrible! Ended up having a fan going in my room blowing into my face every single night so I couldn't hear as much, still makes me cringe.
I couldn't ever tell them cos I was mortified, it's so good of him to tell you bless him

He sounds a very sensitive child.

I can’t believe he feels down and upset about hearing his parents have sex, it’s not that a big deal imo.

I certainly wouldn’t be apologising, your showing him it’s something shameful by doing that.

i would just explain to him that it’s very natural and normal in a relationship, but in future you will make sure he doesn’t hear you.

Most nights? That's impressive 😱 Horrible for you though 😢

What did he hear exactly? Vocal sounds or the bed creaking? If it's the latter I'd have told him that it was down to something else.

So you was traumatised and you still remember it

But you have had loud sex the last few weekends, knowing your child may hear you ?

It's the grossest thing in the world to hear parents having sex. It would scar most kids for life

I would be pleased that he's told you this, and it must have been troubling him. I think a PP had it right to just say "sorry, love, we didn't mean to upset you and it won't happen again" with a hug. He's just after a bit of reassurance. 11 is a very awkward age.

Told my mam when I was an adult and she was then the mortified one 😂

This is neglectful :-(

How hard is it to be quiet?! Maybe try imagining your parents are on the other side of the door, and act accordingly.