Son heard us having sex

[blessedsatellite]

He's 11 and was really upset.

He came home from school and was quiet and seemed a bit down so I asked him what was wrong and he eventually told me he's heard us having sex the past few weekends and then started crying.

He didn't say sex explicitly but I knew where it was going when he explained when/where/what.

Before anyone says its natural and normal etc etc, that's all very well but it's bloody horrible hearing your parents have sex. I still feel gross when I remember hearing my parents.

I've read similar posts on here and I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for from this. Maybe some sympathy!

I didn't confirm nor deny anything, I said I'd speak to his dad and thanked him very much for telling me and gave him a big hug. I don't know what I should have said! Bloody nora.

If he's anything like me this will have scarred him for life 🙈 I'm only half-joking.

Assuming this is genuine.

Sex is natural and normal. Your 11yo hearing you on more than one occasion is not normal.

Just try to keep it down in future?

I'd try and keep it down in future but maybe offer son headphones or earplugs.

FGS how much noise are you making? If your kid's in the house and not definitely fast asleep you need to be very quiet - surely that's obvious. One of my friends at secondary heard her parents having sex every weekend, we all thought it was absolutely disgusting. Having sex might be normal and natural but having to listen to other people have sex isn't, especially when you're 11 years old. Sort yourselves out.

Ds is 10 and we never make a sound when he's awake

He isn't a great sleeper and it can take him a while to get to sleep but I didn't know he was still awake by the time we were going to bed.

I feel bad enough. Bloody hell.

Why didn't you apologise? You need to let him know that you agree that it isn't right that you didn't take more care. Was this when you thought he was asleep?

How much noise do you make ? It's common sense that especially as kids get older to be aware of this sort of thing .
I know its normal that parents have sex but it really isn't nice for anyone else to have to hear it .
Poor sods probably hated going to bed knowing he could hear you again

My parents used to be really, really loud and the problem I found was that when I started hearing them I'd go to bed and not sleep because I was worried I was going to hear them again and the cycle continued.

Just be quiet- do it when children are not home if you want to be noisy.

I don't think I apologised, I was caught completely off guard! I'm happy to talk to him about it again but I needed time to compose myself and talk to him about it in an age appropriate way.

Of course we didn't think he could hear!

Sorry, I meant thought he was asleep.

I'm thinking that's why he's told me because it's the weekend again and he thinks it might happen again. I feel awful.

Yes, this is something we'll need to consider now.

Atleast he felt he could speak to you about it.

Don't overthink it- just a simple, '<sons name> that thing we spoke about earlier- it won't happen again love'

Obviously, then don't let it happen again!😁

You have listened to him and plan to take his comments on board and that’s as much as you can do. Obviously try to avoid the problem reoccurring for him. But don’t beat yourself up about it.

"It's ok to feel uncomfortable and grossed out hearing your parents being intimate but it is a normal healthy part of an adult relationship.We will be more conscious of noise going forward" probably a good time to have a safe sex when 16 chat if you haven't already

I heard mine at the same age. It is horrible.

Tbh I think at that age it's up to you to only do it when they're out of the house. I know that's boring, but if either of you are actually enjoying it and they happen to be awake, they will hear.

I get that it's difficult. My eldest is only 7 but sleeps really poorly and we rarely get a chance now because she's awake so much at night.

Encourage sleepovers/staying with grandparents/ you have weekends away etc

This, nothing more and nothing less, perfect response.

Now THIS I am really glad about and I thanked him 2 or 3 times for telling me because he is quite sensitive and it's like trying to get blood from a stone when he seems upset about something.

maybe he's been upset about it for a really long time though

Thank you for the reassuring comments.

We will definitely make sure he doesn't hear again!

I thought it was only porn stars that made all that awful noise during sex. Is it really necessary? Surprised you are being loud enough to cause this kind of issue.

Poor kid.

Hi op

I had this as a kid and I didn’t say anything. It went on for years with my conservative parents not having any idea. I think your son is really brave. I truly wish I could turn the clock back and do the same.Had some difficult feelings pop up when I had my own lads.

it sounds like you will do everything to insure it doesn’t happen again. I will say from other similar threads that it appears Dads have different views on it. If he’s told you I would think that. You’re best placed to reassure him.