How do I not raise a spoiled snob?

[WhatToDo1234567]

Inspired by the recent thread on what lives their children will be able to afford...

Pretty outing so I'll spare some details, but I had a horrendous childhood. Raised in a run down, neglected council home by a SAHP on benefits with huge mental health issues. Did most of the housework/raising of my younger siblings, including worrying about budgeting the few ££ left after alcohol spends and how to make it stretch to actual meals. Well versed in convincing bailiffs to leave us alone etc.

Fast forward 20 years, I've left that life behind (mostly! Said parent is now living with us for various outing reasons, but it's fine). I've climbed the corporate ladder, had an unplanned but wonderful DC solo, brought a house, have savings. Life is good!

I'm going to have savings for DC to go to Uni/gap year/whatever they want to do, as well as a hefty house deposit, and I plan to take great joy in providing them with whatever they need (provided they keep a sensible head on their shoulders!)

However... how do I ensure they doesn't turn into an entitled, arrogant rich kid? Honestly I've never worried about this because I've been so focused on making sure the money is there should they need it. Currently they get whatever they ask for within reason (sometimes waiting til Christmas/birthday, but oftentimes not) - they're primary aged and so far don't seem insufferable, actually the opposite - thankful and kind and generous with the things they have! But I am suddenly ultra aware this could change 😂

So... if you have/had enough money to 'spoil' your kids but they turned out ok, how did you make sure it didn't get out of hand? What financial lessons did you teach? Did you deliberately not help when they got into sticky financial situations so they could learn?

I would talk to him in a non-heavy-handed way about gratitude. Tell him about your rough childhood and how you are so grateful you got out of that and were able to work hard to have the things you have now and to be able to provide for him. Of course, talk about other kids (and adults) who may not have as much and model treating others with respect regardless of material wealth. Consider volunteering time for a charity and bringing him along - cooking and serving food to homeless people or some other outreach to help those less fortunate. Talk about budgeting and saving over time to get what you want rather than indulging every short term whim. If he's young enough, teach him the fable of the grasshopper and the ant (unless I'm getting too corny here.)

I feel a child can be spoilt in different ways.
A child can have above and beyond what they need and be extremely fortunate materialistically but still be a respectful, humble and decent human being who has empathy for others.
This is somewhat down to personality but mainly influenced by following a parent or carers example and taking on their views and opinions alongside life’s lessons.
I feel many in todays society spoil their child by making excuses for their behaviour and allowing them to take no responsibility for their actions and choices in life. These are the parents who undermine others in authority (such as teachers) and have a superior attitude.
Their children tend to believe they can do no wrong and become entitled.
I don’t think a child should always get what they want especially materialistically. Realising that you can’t have everything you desire is a huge life lessons for many and helps build resilience and character.
Even a small child needs to know that getting what you want isn’t always possible and often requires some form of effort.

I have a similar background and now have a DD who has everything she could possibly want. She's 16 and is still the sweetest, kindest, most grateful lovely person.

I can't give you a formula for how we got here but she has worked hard herself to earn her own money so understands work ethics, sees me working hard too and always has. If we pass a homeless person as we go into a shop we buy them a sandwich and a drink and discuss how lucky we are and how hard it must be for them. We give to charity and I encouraged charity activities in childhood, fundraising ideas at school etc. We practice gratitudes and always have. If as a child she was ever ungrateful or grumpy without reason I would ask her to list ten things she was grateful for and we would reset.

I think practicing gratitude and keeping a gratitude journal is the key for us and you can start that very young. It definitely helps you appreciate what you have and just feel generally happier.

Well done for achieving all you have despite your childhood. Having your parent live with you after all that makes you a better person than me! I'm sure your DC will learn compassion and understanding from you as a result.

I tell them that they will have to work hard in school and get a good job if they want to be able to afford things in the future. If they ask for something, I ask them to research it online to find out which product is better value, has good reviews etc. They usually quite enjoy doing it and it makes them think about whether they actually want it. I am pretty generous with their hobbies and books but the more frivolous stuff is only really for birthday and Christmas. They get a small amount of pocket money and if they want more they have to earn it by doing jobs that are not just standard clearing up after themselves.

@TizerorFizz

DD is 16 and has done over 100 hours of voluntary work self organised and of her own volition so far this year so I reckon I’ve done ok but thanks for your advice.

The school encourages fundraising for charity and everyone enjoys giving what they can or doing the fundraising if they don’t have spare cash.

A gratitude journal is where you write down the things you are grateful for, big and small and it helps give children and adults perspective and feel happier and more hopeful about their lives. No matter how bad things seem it’s still easy to find things to be grateful for. It’s helped DD with mental health and made her reflect on how much she has during difficult times we’ve been through like a very traumatic family bereavement for example.

We live in an area with a lot of drug addiction so we buy food and a drink rather than give money to the people begging outside our local shops. We don’t want to fund drug addiction and they have always seemed pleased to have had a meal. There’s a regular man outside one shop who gives us his order. It’s about teaching DD we have enough and can share. It’s a small thing but it’s something, I work FT as the main breadwinner so can’t give voluntary hours myself.

There are lots of other things we do for charity as a family. As DD has everything she wants we do a twice yearly clear out of her room. Clothes and other items she doesn’t need in very good condition are passed on to a foster mum with teenage girls who we got to know through the local give and take group. DD enjoys sharing unwanted gifts with them too.

I was just trying to give examples of things you can do from when children are very young, too young for voluntary work. If they see you care about a homeless person not going hungry rather than walking past then that’s a very simple, tangible thing they can witness and understand.

I’m trying to teach her to be a decent person and give where she can as she has so much. She’s a kind, caring, hard working, giving girl and not a bratty teenager like so many girls her age seem to be these days so I’m incredibly happy with the job I’ve done raising her.