My girl is moving into halls sharing a kitchen/flat with 7 boys.

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I thought there would be a mix? She’s studying engineering. They’ve matched her with her course which is mainly male. She’s moving in on Saturday. How do I help her find some female friends without sticking my nose in? She went to an all girls grammar school, so this will be a trial by fire.

What a silly thing to say. Do people really stop supporting their kids as soon as they turn 18?
People vary a lot. Moving to uni was the one thing in my life I wasn't really ready for.
I would have a chat with her and if she feels uncomfortable being the only female in the flat I would ask for a swap now. I wouldn't been keen if it isn't ensuite. Its up to her in the end but I would certainly be chatting to her about how she feels about it and helping her sort it if she isn''t happy.

I've lived in mixed sex halls.

I wouldnt be happy with this.

I've known girls to be raped by flatmates.

Lots shag each other.

One turned the peep hole round to spy on a girl.

The girls get policed on their sex lives.

The mess is awful.

Boys can be just as bitchy as girls.

Most don't lock their doors most of the time.

She will be vulnerable.

As I said, surround yourself with better men. I don't recognise any of what you say. My 2 DD went to Uni, and had many MANY male friends there, and often stopped over in their flats if they were closer than theirs. Not all men are utter pigs who want to get pissed and manhandle and grope women. It's not 'the weirdest of students' who don't want to fuck everything that moves. What a truly stupid and ignorant comment.

I repeat. OP has said her daughter is OK with it, and she can deal with it herself if she needs to. You are clearly projecting, and you're embarrassing yourself.

Whatever happens, she will need to sort it. Unis don’t deal with parents.

Really!

Love the dreadful stereotyping of student boys, can we do that with girls?

I know. I said HELP her to sort it, not do it for her.

Why on earth would you be ok with your DD becoming a skivvy for a bunch of completely capable men. Jesus, raise your standards, your poor DD.

Get her moved OP.

They might be great lads but would we as adults want to take the risk of moving in with 8 blokes we had never met in a flat with no ensuites and possibly no lock on the bedroom?

Would I trust my young daughter to be safe with 7 young men raised on a diet of porn and incel-speak? No. Not a chance.

Better to be cautious and consider the very real stats. No harm in asking to be moved. Potential for huge harm in staying. Not worth the risk just to be cool mom.

I think the issue is that there is just one girl and 7 boys. 3 girls and 7 boys is okay but the current ratio is not.

The dynamics are too one sided.

its like the beginning of the big bang theory

@CucumberBagel The OP can certainly speak seriously to her DD about it and share stats if she wishes to. But as people keep saying, she (the OP) can't actually do anything. The university won't speak to her about it.

Well, obviously. But instead of being worried about her daughter making friends, her focus needs to be on warning her against the dangers of rape and sexual assault in this situation, especially as she's not been around boys in an educational setting since age 11.

Hopefully there will be loads of clubs and societies to join and find other friends outside of her course. It does seem strange to organise halls by course with no attention to sex/gender. If it doesn't work out, she should request a switch. Hopefully they are all lovely geeky lads. (stereotyping engineering students here!)

Just to let you know my DS is moving into a mixed flat this weekend, also studying engineering. At his uni they tend to make the mix 60:40 or 50:50 as policy.

Finding a circle of female friends - firstly, there will be other young women on her course, who may gravitate to each other a little. Second people tend to socialise with their block, not just their flat and it happens quite quickly. She might have to make the first moves a bit. Lastly get her to join societies. Instant mates. There's probably a women in stem one for starters. But sport/creative/interests.

I'd like to think at least some of the young men she will share with will become friends - my son's two best mates are girls, and he has sisters and knows how to relate to young women. I understand your worry - but some posters have been spectacularly unhelpful.

Lastly its not beyond the realms of possibility that she can swap or move flats once she is there if she is unhappy. There's often a bit of flux in the first few weeks.

That’s really weird her uni have done that. I think I would have left already. We were always put in flats of mixed about 50/50 and of different courses so a real mix. When we arrived we tried to workout what we had in common. All we could find out was some of us could play a musical instrument 🤣 it was weird. We also all had partners so I only really made friends with the girls. It was a relief to get to my course and meet more girls. She may not have that on her course so I would ask to move in her position. Especially without an ensuite!

'access to her' wtf

Are the halls university owned? If so there will be student advisors/support staff on site who will be very active in their duty of care. If she is in any way uncomfortable or made to feel uncomfortable she should speak to them immediately. But hopefully that won't be necessary.

@CucumberBagel I'm not sure how relevant it is that she hasn't been around boys in school. I grew up in Ireland where all schools were segregated by sex including primary and that's still the case for the majority. I never met anyone who went to a mixed sex school when I started Uni. It didn't really affect anyone, most lived in mixed accommodation and got along fine.

@HeySummerWhereAreYou I think you should be embarrassed by your own naive attitude tbh.

I lived with a house of 4 men and me in my early 20s. Was absolutely fine and the greatest fun!!
My daughter has only male friends due to attending an all boys school sixth form. Again loved it

'Access to her'?

Wow! I lived with about 20 males in halls who had 'access to me'. Bedroom doors have locks.

I would see how she gets on

The female bathrooms were worse at uni, I would go to the male block to shower - we shared 1 shower and 2 baths between 15 of us. So on special events it was much easier to get a space to shower in the mens!

This has brought back a really random memory. I broke my ankle and they would only let me bath or shower with the door unlocked so I would have a friend sit in with me instead.

One day there was nobody else except one of the lads who sat himself on the toilet seat after I got in the bath. Then questioned me "what's that? Why do you put that in your hair? Do you have to shave your legs every day? What's that face mask do?"

Unfortunately your experience is not the only experience. HTH.