My girl is moving into halls sharing a kitchen/flat with 7 boys.

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I thought there would be a mix? She’s studying engineering. They’ve matched her with her course which is mainly male. She’s moving in on Saturday. How do I help her find some female friends without sticking my nose in? She went to an all girls grammar school, so this will be a trial by fire.

I’d request a move. I think it’s totally weird that they’ve matched them by course. The joy of housemates is normally that they are seperate to course mates so doubles your chances of finding your tribe.

Also think it’s totally weird that it’s just 1 woman with 7 men. Even if they are lovely blokes there will be a natural tendency to exclude her from things.

apart from that tell her to join some societies.

Actually apart from the mess boys make !!
for my daughter her uni experience and dodgy girl room mates and the bitchy things teen girls do lead my daughter to bail out of uni
a couple of boy mates would be a plus in my opinion someone to walk home with from late nights etc
theres a chance with her chosen course she will find that and make friends with some boys
post an all girls school it will be a change but maybe a blessed relief

@Mrsgreen100 "a couple of boy mates would be a plus in my opinion "

Nobody is saying it wouldn't be.

I moved my daughter up for her first year at Leeds Uni last Sunday, It's around 3.5 hours away on a good day. It's a mixed bag of emotions time. This time last week I was privately hysterical at the thought of leaving my girl so far away in a place she barely knows... I too was surprised to find my daughter was in halls with all girls ! I too thought there would be a mix. I don't really do Facebook or social media but found myself joining a uni parents group and it has really helped. Personally, I would have preferred my daughter having males in her halls. It seems they tend to "look after" the girls. They are there for them if they need help. They will come and walk the girls they live with "home" etc....I'm sure your daughter will find female friends also...Trust me, I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry too much...your daughter chose her path, it's what she wanted...If the worst comes to the worst she can always come home...

Totally agree with your words! I found it strange that my daughter was put in with 5 other girls! I would have much preferred her to have some males around! Imagine 6 girls together 🤦🏻‍♀️ Having joined a Uni parents group it seems that when you have boys in your halls they tend to be there for and look after the girls they live with...

as I said I was the only the girl in a boy filled flat and it was wonderful. And a lot of other people have said the same. So you’re not speaking for all of us I’m afraid.

Being a dickhead is also very different to expecting them to treat your daughter as a skivvy or sex toy - which is what a lot of the posts are suggesting. The boys I lived with were dickheads but they were at least respectful.

Yeah you keep telling yourself that!!!

Telling myself what?

That the boys act as the girls "keepers" ensuring no nasty men take advantage!

I would wait and see. My eldest 2 have both had positive experiences of year one flat sharing. I would imagine the boys will take her under their wing if anything. She’ll be fine.

“I’m not worried about boys and wouldn’t have chosen a single sex school if it wasn’t an amazing school. She got amazing grades because she got an amazing education. Something everyone should have but doesn’t get.”

Depends on your definition of what an education is. For me it isn’t just a great set of grades, an important part of education is mixing in schools with different sexes, nationalities, religions etc so that you are prepared for the outside world. To get to college and have no experience of having boys as friends is pretty weird!

She will be fine. Repeat after me. She will be fine.

Then tell her that: « You will be fine. You survived an all girls school. Boys will love you just for how many girls you will bring to the parties! ». (Sorry, kidding).

Seriously, she will be fine. Stay OUT of it except if she asks. And if she asks : « You will be fine angel. »

@MingingTiles During 9 years of university shared halls and shared house accomm between them my sons shared with all girls.. it just worked out like that. Each of them were always not only the default cleaner, loo unblockers, (usually sanitary products) pulling long hair out of blocked shower drains, sorting out issues with landlords and ladies. Both now with long term cohabiting female partners (who are both lovely) and it's still the same regarding domestic duties! Maybe making up for not having over houseproud parents 🤔 🤷
No sexist assumptions on here please

Do you know different?

And clean up after them in my experience, see my reply to @MingingTiles

Allthehorsesintheworld · Yesterday 21:21
8 bedrooms and one bathroom ???? No way would I or my DDs share a bathroom with 7 men we knew, never mind 7 strangers. That is grim in the extreme.
Can you see teenage lads cleaning the toilet and shower after they use it? 🤢

Do you understand that posts like yours are pretty offensive to parents of many young men?

our son is 21. Lived at halls for a period at uni, his studio was spotless. Came home for lockdowns, no problems whatsoever. Kept his bedroom and bathroom far cleaner than our daughter (his older sister) ever had. Her room and bathroom at 18 was revolting. Mum now, her house is spotless but it took a while.

He is incredubly responsible worked his way through uni, is a gentle soul, always has been, and would be a fantastic housemate to anyone, male or female.

He’s old fashioned and would look out for female housemates.

This doesn't seem right at all. I'd call the uni and see if a change can be made. Not fair for her to be in a flat with just boys.

My daughter went to an all girls grammar and mixed sixth form grammar and would have hated this! She was in a mixed flat and the boys she lived with were very messy!

I think the Uni would (definitely SHOULD, at least) be open to swapping her if she's not loving the arrangements after a couple of weeks.

With the number of hours my engineering course was, I'd have found it utterly claustrophobic to be living with them too, male or female (except there weren't enough females to even fill a flat, which may still be the case for her year, different topic, sigh!)

My large corridor of all females with shared showers, loos & kitchens was just as much of a pigsty as any of the blokes areas I knew though tbh. And after a few weeks, you were bumping into other people's boyfriends in the shared areas anyway.

But agree:
A. she might find it harder to meet other girls if she's not got flatmates as a starter to meet those doing other courses and

B. it might be a but full on both working and living with the same people when you've not picked them (moving to a house in 2nd year with chosen coursemates is a different thing).

Good luck anyway, may work out swimmingly, but she always has the fallback of asking for a bit more of a cross-section of university life, without a change of location having to be a full on falling out!

Likelihood is she'll make friends with the flat below or next door. I only made 1 friend with my floor when I went, the rest cane from course/ societies.

@ Having joined a Uni parents group it seems that when you have boys in your halls they tend to be there for and look after the girls they live with..."

Right. So the young men are expected to be caretakers now!

My DDs housemates now in her 20s were her hall mates at uni too. But others meet friends elsewhere. To be expected with engineering unfortunately. DD wasn’t housed by subject. That’s quite unusual.

Top tip from all my mates shared living arrangements over the years (applies to any mix). Drop a quid on a washing up bowl each & sharpie each person's name on it.

Then if the kitchen is shambolic on arrival, just shove everything abandoned by the offender (they'll know who it was within days of getting to know each other!!!) into their bowl & get on with life.

The worst culprits will have their awareness raised earlier as they will always be the "definitely wasn't me" variety. I lived with one of them who swore blind "someone else" must have completely depleted the sugar. He was the only one that took sugar.

You don't you keep your.nose out she is entering a male dominated profession and needs to fit with men who she works with and learn to adapt. If you try to force female friendships or expect mixed halls then you'll alienate her. Leave her be.I went into a male orientated workforce and I wouldn't chance a thing. The only other females who tried all failed in my group and I still have some great friends met through the group all male.

I was on an all male (apart from me) course at my college, the only woman in a group of 12. Which was odd because I did a humanities course. The uni as a whole was very mixed, just my college for that one subject was all men. I had also been to an all girls' school from 11-18. Honestly, it was fine. I got on well with most of the lads. There was never anything romantic/sexual.

Most of my friends came from the clubs and socities I joined. I didn't really hang out with the people on my course. We shared a flat in our final year because we were on a longer course than everyone else so there an extra year. I still didn't really socialise with them.

The one woman I knew in a similar situation made the most of it. She did the flatmates' ironing for the price of 1 drink per item and never had to buy herself a drink all year.

Honestly, OP, it's fine. She'll be alright. The best thing you can do is just make sure she knows where to turn on the off chance something does go wrong. Which the freshers' week info will make abundantly clear anyway, but reinforce it when you speak to her.

I believe that EVERY reply on here should start with the decade experienced.
I was at Uni in the 80s
UTTERLY different from what my kids had during Covid - 2018-2023

So many people using MASSIVELY out of date information