How the heck are we supposed to sleep if newborn won’t go in a crib?

[PBQ123]

I’ve been awake for coming up to 48 hours straight now. Newborn won’t go into a crib. Will stay there for ten mins then cry. Swaddling doesn’t work. So only option is to hold to sleep. We are so tired neither of us can be trusted to do this without falling asleep ourselves. I am EBF but this isn’t going to work is it. What are you supposed to do? Naively bought a Next to Me and Moses basket assuming baby would be happy to go in them. We haven’t even left the hospital yet though and it’s clear they were a waste of money.

DD was like this - wanted to sleep on someone, hated cribs/Next to Me/Moses basket (eventually found out at the 3month mark she had silent reflux).
DH & I would tag team & take it in turns to sleep. I'd go to bed at 10pm after feeding her & sleep till 2.30am & then we'd swap - I'd have Dd & DH would sleep till 7am & go to work.
Not going to lie, it was horrendous & I did fall asleep with her on me at points but until her reflux was under control she couldn't lie on her back without pain & waking/crying.

I really sympathise. My baby wouldn't sleep in her cot for the first 6 or 7 weeks. We tried everything but as soon as she was put down, she would wake up crying (she threw up a vast amount in the early months too).
Not sure if this will dishearten you but we ended up taking shifts. So DH would go to bed at midnight and I would stay awake holding the baby until 4 or 5am. Then he would take her for a couple of hours before work while I slept. In the evening I would sleep 7pm to midnight and be woken up for feeds. We were exhausted.
Eventually she started sleeping in her Moses basket downstairs so whoever was "on shift" could grab quick naps on the sofa while she slept in the basket. So maybe try a different room or different lighting? It does get better eventually.
A few tips that helped us down the line: give them a big feed and wait until they fall asleep before putting them in the cot. Our baby sleeps far better in a sleepsuit and sleeping bag rather than under a blanket as she used to kick the blanket off then get cold. Some people recommend putting a hot water bottle on their mattress briefly to warm it so that the coldness of the cot doesn't wake them. We also found background music helped keep her asleep.
It's very early days. Keep trying different methods and don't be afraid to do something unconventional if it works for you (I spent weeks being awake all night on a sofa but found a great netflix series and made sure I had snacks on hand. I actually ended up enjoying spending ding the quiet hours with my little girl).

I haven’t read all the comments so sorry if this is a repeat. We had this hell on 2nd night. This was the first I’d ever heard of second night syndrome. Our midwife said to put a hot water bottle in the bed to warm it up BEFORE putting the baby in (obvs take it out to put baby down) that makes them feel a bit like it’s body heat. Eventually she did sleep and had a very long stint of sleeping all night from 9 weeks and I put it down to using the Swaddle Up by Love to Dream but who really knows! Hope it improves soon (it will get better at some point).

It’s very hard. Sleep when the other parent has her. There is not ever a time really when you both need to be awake, you can sleep and just be woken when she needs a feed. That and
co sleeping. But be reassured that most babies are the same, most babies won’t be sleep away from mums. We’ve all been There. It’s tough.

My baby did this and I also found myself a single parent at 3 days old. I exclusively breastfed. I'll tell you what worked for me but I'll be honest that my health visitor would not have approved and she had me convinced I was going to smother my baby, so I was pretty terrified a lot of the time. However my midwife told me to do whatever worked for me, and that humans and the west in particular are the only people who expect a newborn baby, who knows nothing of the world and is likely born 3 months too soon, to sleep alone. It's not always realistic if your baby needs more time/reassurance.

Every time I wanted my baby to go to sleep I would first try 3 times to put him in his bassinet (later his next to me, when he was bigger). If that didn't work (which I'm afraid it didn't, for months), I then tried co-sleeping 3 times. If that didn't work, then I ensured there was absolutely nothing around me or him, and he slept on my chest. I would then sleep with him there like that. In all honesty, neither of us ever moved a muscle. A friend found similar, though her husband did not. Maybe something to do with the existing bond between mother and baby, I don't know. Either way, whilst I hated feeling like I was putting him at risk, I actually now don't think I did. I found we both slept well like that and because I always kept trying the other ways, he eventually did slowly get used to other ways of sleeping. Slowly, he would be happy to co-sleep part of the night, and then all of the night sometimes. Once he got used to that he'd then sometimes be ok with the next to me at the beginning, then co-sleep the rest of the night and only occasionally sleep on me. Eventually, he was happy in the next to me all of the time. I'll be honest, it took a few months to get to that point.

We got into a rhythm. He now sleeps in his own room as he's 15 months old and I actually look back on that time quite fondly. But I've had more sleep now!

Good luck, I hope you guys find a way that works for you.

Oh, I also did find warming his spot before I put him down really helpful. I bought an electric heat pad for this purpose. I'd pick him up, put the heat pad on his spot, then take it off just before I put him down. Reduced the waking quite considerably. It's hard to go from mummy to a cold cot I think. Google baby electric blanket or search on Amazon. They are actually to help with shoulder and neck pain!

48 hours is tiny, things get easier. Just sleep whenever you can and get help from co-parent and family. Babies sleep better close to mummy and most non-western cultures co sleep though. Look at safe co-sleeping.

Take shifts for now. Baby is still so new to the world and some babies adjust better than others. Let them get used to your scent and then try putting a worn T-shirt securely in the crib.

I know 1 of your complaints was talking and lights and everything all night long. Do not get in the habit where your entire house has to be dark and quiet. Get your child used to life!

Midwives won’t take a baby overnight, that’s silly advice, they’re short staffed and have too much to do. I totally sympathise, it’s rough! My second wouldn’t sleep at all from the moment she was born until we got home and gave her some formula and then she nodded off. She would only co sleep with me though until we sleep trained, it worked for us to co sleep, she was very much a marsupial for the first four months.

key is, when you’re home you get Dad to take baby for a good chunk of time so you can sleep, you have to tag team where you can and you NEED some consolidated sleep. Even if he pops off for a drive if that’s where she’ll sleep. Whatever works! You do get used to the tiredness though, it becomes easier, hang in there. It’s still so new!

Nope it dosent. The nurses wouldn't even keep an eye on mine so I could shower! I had to wait for so.eone to come and visit me before I went to shower (shower wasn't even in same room).

Non of mine slept in the moses basket! For me it was a waste of money. All my children slept with me in bed. They wouldn't stay asleep for long by themselves. Now I use the next to me bed with my last one. I breast feed and he always has some before he sleeps ( actually sleeps on it) I breastfed him lying down on bed then slowly move him over to his crib. You will soon work out their routine. If I put mine down to early he will wake up

Stick at it mumma I won't say it gets easier but you start to get into their routine and it will pass. I was up out the house with bubba in a sling at ridiculous o'clock just so I could get a lil peace with my 2nd one. Please sleep during the day when you can. If someone asks to help. Take that time to rest it's hard as there is always something to do. Have your breakfast at 1 o'clock if you need ro lie in. Go with the flow x

I totally agree otherwise nothing will get done. Make them sleep with music, Tv on loud-ish, let someone do the hoovering in another room. You don't want to get in the habit of shushing everyone and walking around on tip toes! But maybe the noise was Irritating to mummy, me I would of been brave enough to say something if it carried on, in a nice way.

Be kind to yourself, this baby is not even a week old so he doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing.

Consider reflux, can be silent

Also try co sleeping. Im not a fan of birthing these beautiful tiny babies then spending 9 months trying to get them to sleep away from their primary carer, nevermind the rush of getting them in a seperate room.

Co sleeping was incredible for us

I’m sure you’re too exhausted to have read this far! But in NICU they roll up a towel or blanket then bend it into a horseshoe shape, then pop baby inside, in the crib. It has the same effect as one of those Sleepyhead cushion things (which was a godsend with my second baby) in making the baby feel secure. Neither of mine would tolerate a swaddle.

Have you got a relative or a friend who can come by. I promise you I would love nothing more than holding a baby for a few hours in front of the tv (and then handing it back).

My husband and I slept in shifts for the first two weeks through the night with our second. I rolled up a cellular blanket in the end and popped it in the bottom of her moses basket in a horseshoe and it made her feel a little more snug in there. The nurses had done this at the hospital when she was admitted at 8 weeks, worth asking your midwife if that's allowed as it really helped us.

The other thing to say is that with the next to me crib you can tilt it so he's not flat on his back to see if that helps. Hope you get some sleep.

Lastly I haven't read the replies, but worth a Google of "The Fourth Trimester"

This.

Also (whisper it!) after a few weeks, you could try putting to sleep on tummy. Obviously if you have a family history of SIDS or any respiratory concerns, not.

But if you have some kind of a pulse or breathing mat monitor, no-one from a hospital will suggest this, but tens of thousands of years of evolution can't be overcome.

If terrible on back after a couple of weeks & no better, also consider seeing a baby chiropractor. One of mine would bawl even on pram walks - head got so smushed in birth that it was constant neck pain trying to lay on back. Needs to be someone with LOTS of experience of it though.

Good luck!

It will all be fine! Home is a lot more relaxing and you can settle into a routine, the ward is so loud and hot! I hated being on a noisy ward. Can you ask if they have a side room so it’s a bit quieter? I know some hospitals charge, but could be worth it for a night or 2.

Is baby feeding fine? Checked for tongue tie? Check baby’s temp, are they too hot or cold. Environment or discomfort is the likely factor with a baby that’s so new!

Definitely tag team sleep, feed baby and hand to your partner and get a sleep in! Best of luck to you and congratulations ❤️

Try side lying next to you, so belly to belly. I used to side - lie breastfeed and then both of us would fall asleep and it worked. I could feed from both boobs on the same side. I did end up with arm pain from always lying on the same side but it worked for us.

Oh I remember these days well. Please be kind to yourself, it’s really tough going in the early days especially when your hormone levels drop on top of sleep deprivation!
My little girl was like this, barnacle baby, hated lying flat but we’d had a forceps delivery and she was v congested and refluxy. Follow the happy co sleeper on Instagram, lots of great tips on there about cosleeping and also chest sleeping which is what it sounds like your little one wants right now.

This sounds like my firstborn, I was so sleep deprived I darent walk down the stairs holding her. Things we tried that helped where white noise, swaddling and we did occasionally co-sleep. I used to pump some milk and my husband would stay up until midnight whilst I went to bed at 8 for a good block of sleep. It’s tough but you will get though it.

I had this I used a tommee tippee swaddle sleeping bag, white noise, warm up a hot water bottle before putting them down in the Moses basket and tuck a t shirt in that smells of me into the mattress and it did work after the first 2 nights home …. However my friends have ended up co sleeping so look up safe co sleeping just in case you end up doing it

I’m not sure why people are suggesting a midwife has 3 hours to look after a baby for you. This will get easier OP I promise.

Look up co sleeping, if done correctly it’s completely safe and recognised now as safe by the NHS. Baby has no idea it is its own person for weeks, so will want to always be as close to you as possible x

Just something to bear in mind - my firstborn would not be placed flat on his back to sleep. He became absolutely hysterical. He wanted to be propped on my chest slightly raised. He slept really well in the car propped up in his carseat. When he was about three he was finally diagnosed with sleep apnoea and had an operation to fix it. Basically when he lay flat his throat was closing up. I know that sounds quite dramatic and unusual but we've since met quite a few people whose children/ babies (usually boys) had this. It is most likely he's just wanting to be near and have lots of cuddles, but thought it was worth sharing. Like many other posters have said, have a look into safe co sleeping.

Completely disagree. All three of mine have struggled to sleep overnight because the house is and quiet and they’re not used to it, because I listened to this advice that babies should get used to life!!!
I wish with all three of them I’d kept the house silent and dark so that they still felt safe at night!!

tips op:
white noise (all night and all naps)
dark room (it’s dark in the womb)
sometbing that smells like you
my youngest 5m was the worst of mine for not being out down, he was held literally continually for the first 2 weeks of his life. I co slept, but with us both on our sides and him latched on for basically the entire night. He does now sleep short stints un his crib, but wakes 2 hourly still and comes in with me most early hours, where he latched and stays there 🙈 it’s so tough. He’s my third and it’s a hell of a lot easier to cope with when you fully understand it passes and it doesn’t last forever. It’s hard to know that with your first.
also google chest sleeping, as a previous poster, I’ve done that with my older two aswell. Havent with my third because I just went the whole hog and co slept.