How the heck are we supposed to sleep if newborn won’t go in a crib?

[PBQ123]

I’ve been awake for coming up to 48 hours straight now. Newborn won’t go into a crib. Will stay there for ten mins then cry. Swaddling doesn’t work. So only option is to hold to sleep. We are so tired neither of us can be trusted to do this without falling asleep ourselves. I am EBF but this isn’t going to work is it. What are you supposed to do? Naively bought a Next to Me and Moses basket assuming baby would be happy to go in them. We haven’t even left the hospital yet though and it’s clear they were a waste of money.

Our middle child was like this. All the things like propping up one end of the noses basket didn't work. I think k she had silent reflux as after about 5 minutes lying down she would scream. Our other two were not like this. Co sleeping didn't work, she had to be upright.

I KNOW it's not "safe sleep" but in the end we too it in turns to hold her, and did everything we could to make sure we wouldn't smother her- so sat on couch, with a pillow under out arms and one behind our head for when we inevitably drifted off as it's impossible not to after a few days.

At about six weeks, she abruptly grew out of it. I read at the time that it can be their stomach muscle (or at the top of the stomach- no idea what it's called) is just underdeveloped and so some acid leaks out and they suffer reflux and many children grow out of it. (Worth speaking to your GP though. By the time we realised it was an issue it was the Christmas break and impossible to get seen and then resolved itself around the time everything opened back up).

I'm sorry. It is utterly relentless. If you have any doting grannies in your life have them hold the baby whilst you nap. Feed your baby at 7pm and then give them to your partner until they next wake then swap over. If you are breastfeeding it's especially hard as you need to do all the feeds. You will get some sleep eventually and in a couple of weeks your hormones will have settled so life will feel less upsetting.

Cosleeping

As a retired midwife I'm sad that so many answers recommended giving the baby to a midwife to look after. They usually have 8/9 mums and the same ammount or more babies to look after. Obs, drug rounds, feeding support/bath demos/ top to toe checks/ paperwork/answering the phone and door buzzer and call bells doesn't leave time to pee or drink let alone cuddle babies so mummies can sleep. As for trying to police how people conduct themselves on the ward, just impossible- some are just rude and entitled. Tag team with partner for power naps, get good headphones for at night and get home as soon as u can where it's quiet and calm. Hospitals are horrid!

don't panic. first thing is to make sure baby is well fed before putting down. If you put them down when they first doze after bf for 30 seconds, they aren't full, and they'll wake up sooner. Some mums like to co sleep and breastfeed all night. I didn't want to do that.
Use a hot water bottle to warm up the cot mattress and sheet. The baby doesn't want to leave your warm body and go into a cold bed. Obviously be vigilant about moving the bottle out of the bed before putting baby in.
Use a white noise app when transferring over to cot.
Full belly
warm bed
white noise.

Trust me I am not a mum who enjoys co sleeping and breastfeeding all night. I hate it. But it’s either that or get no sleep 😂🤷🏽‍♀️

If you are a danger to your baby due to sleep deprivation the midwife will take baby even if it's for 45 mins.

I was awake for 48hrs straight after an induction in 2023 with
DC3.

My baby was taken to the nurses station "to help with her paperwork" for 90 mins max and it was documented in my notes. I fell asleep straight away. He was returned fed, changed and sleeping.

And that's all I needed to keep going til my DH turned up in the morning so we could take turns.

Advocate for your sanity and this will absolutely pass - you're doing amazing.

I used what be came know and “and old stinky” a soft shirt or T-shirt that smelt of me and went under the bab at so they got the milky mummy vibe to help a chill out

The frantic whisper “quick grab the old stinky” will forever be with me

Congratulations on the birth of your baby! Sending lots of love and strength; the first weeks are so very very hard. I had a similar experience in regards to sleep when my son was born. I didn’t understand how I would get any rest as I had to hold him to sleep or he’d just scream and cry. After not sleeping for two days straight, I fell asleep with him in my arms which I know was dangerous. I was still in the hospital and figured once we got home we’d both settle; but it continued. He simply would only sleep on me and my husband, held upright. After we both experienced hallucinations from the severe sleep deprivation we started doing shifts just to get some sleep (he would bring the baby into me for feeds during my sleep shift, and then we tried giving him one bottle a day so I could rest a little better. We were lucky that he’d take a bottle, although we then found out he was intolerant to formula ((he was such a hungry boy I just wasn’t finding the time to pump my breast milk)). In our case it turned out our son had acid relfux. Which is why he couldn’t sleep on his back as the acid was gathering in his throat, poor lad. Once he started on medication at three months he started doing little stints in his next to me and Moses basket. Those first weeks are really really hard but you will get through it. I was terrified of co sleeping, but I started doing it at some points around four months, just to get longer stretches of sleep. Thinking of you.

And yes, it was 2010 but my midwife said she was concerned about my lack of sleep and she took my baby into the office. She kept him there for hours and gave him a bottle.

This is what we did.
He's still a terrible sleeper though.
I hope you find a way through but some babies are velcro and need attachment.

I really feel for you here! I was awake all night and day with my baby when I was hospital too although I left the next day and my partner and his mum let me sleep whilst they watched her. When I got home. It didn't change much, we took it in turns to sleep ..was a grim few months but she eventually started settiling

This is why people buy purflo nests and dock a tots. I know i know they’re against the safe sleeping guidelines but so is falling asleep on the sofa holding your baby which is what OP is going to do.

Get home. Get your partner to sleep in a spare bed/sofa. Strip your own bedding to bare minimum. Make sure you have a blanket that only covers you. Baby has their own. Co sleeping! Planned, sober co sleeping is the way. Why people expect babies to sleep in their own hard crib is beyond me. The best bit is when they nuzzle up and you can let them latch, while lying down.

You don't!

Sorry

This is why i have an only child

😵‍💫

With my ds I just kept putting him down in the crib for short periods and eventually he got it. We used to take him in shifts at night, I went to bed really early. Dp looked after him from around 7pm to around 1am and then I looked after him from 1am until around 7am(dp had to work) It was tough going but by around 3 months he would sleep in his crib all night waking usually twice to feed. All the best and congratulations 💐

Just to add - my second baby fell asleep in the crib at the hospital all by herself on the first night! I was amazed! I just stared at her for ages to make sure she was ok 😂 They're all so different.

2 days?! We took shifts and held our for weeks. I felt bad for all the babies left in cots. So alone! They get there eventually. Ours was awful for a few months and then was the best little cot napper and sleeper.

Lolz at the idea that the hospital might help you sleep in any way! Where does that happen? Not in the UK. They actively seem to prevent sleep.

OP it gets better. I had 2 terrible sleepers. You survive. Co-sleeping is an idea to explore but check the guidelines to ensure you are doing it safely. Get all family help you can to enable you to have the odd daytime nap in the first few months.

Absolutely ignore the advice to co-sleep. It’s irresponsible.
I know the temptation is great, but don’t do it. Once you’re out of hospital try to rest during baby’s daytime naps. That way you can reserve some energy for nighttime. If you find baby sleeps well in the pram or car seat, let them sleep there for an hour at bedtime before gently moving them into the cot/moses basket. Even if they wake and don’t settle you’ll have had an hour’s rest.
Likewise, a ride in the car will probably send them to sleep, before transferring to their cot.
The tiredness is horrendous, so you have to be resourceful and pragmatic, but co-sleeping is not a safe option.
BTW, dummies are not the evil things some people will tell you they are. If necesssary, try that. 3 of my 5 had them. When the time came it wasn’t difficult to wean them off them. If the DC is pacified, you are pacified. It’s circular. If you’re stressed you’re less able to do your best for them.
One thing I learned (but not til my 4th!) was that my breathing/heart rate affected my baby’s mood. When I held them the sound and feel of my heartbeat was magnified being close to their little heads, so if I was stressing they could sense my anxiety. If they were restless or crying I would consciously take deep breaths to slow my heart rate and calm them. Of course, it didn’t always work, but it definitely helped calm me which benefitted both of us.

If you're breastfeeding, co sleeping isn't irresponsible. If you're sleeping on a sparsely dressed bed and baby is in a sleepsuit then there isn't the risk in the same way than if you fell asleep on the sofa.... Hence I said partner in separate bed.

How are you all today? Just here to recommend trying baby sleeping bags. Ours loathed the swaddle but loved the bags as legs could wiggle about x

Oh I remember this well, you poor thing. The bright lights, nurses and midwives laughing, bashing around with trolleys, the loud phone calls at 2am in the morning. I just wanted to scream "shut the fuck up you inconsiderate cunts"! Alas, I did no such thing. If you can ask your partner to bring you ear plugs and ask the midwife to take the baby even if it's just for an hour at a time to let you get some rest.

Hi all. The midwife came round yesterday and she was so good. She did give us practical tips but also helped us realise that there is no ‘day and night’ any more - baby doesn’t have a clock! Sounds daft but it helped us be more accepting. She also explained that he is supposed to be more active and hungry overnight as that’s when the breastfeeding hormones are stimulated?

Yesterday afternoon we had to go back to hospital as outpatients. When we got home, DS went in the Moses basket in the evening for over two hours, we were astonished. However it didn’t last long - he refused to spend longer than a couple of minutes in the bedside crib overnight. So I held him for two hours then DH did three hours. Because of the adrenaline of the day we didn’t have the presence of mind to try some of the recommendations, but we will.

We were going to go out in the pram today. We have just had lunch and DS is asleep on me. I’ve tried him in the Moses basket a few times but to no avail. So I’m just holding him. DH has fallen asleep, if only DS would go down then I could sleep too.

Amazon is delivering one in about an hour!

OP I’m sure your DH is pulling his weight but don’t forget that you are the one who birthed a baby a few days ago. Your rest is so important now. For this particular period you and DH are not “equal” when it comes to sleep as you need a chance to recover.

We got some soothers yesterday then when we went to use them in the middle of the night there were really confusing instructions about sterilising them (the instructions were contradictory!). It was silly o’clock and I could barely talk with tiredness so we didn’t use them. I need to work out how to sterilise them today.