How the heck are we supposed to sleep if newborn won’t go in a crib?

[PBQ123]

I’ve been awake for coming up to 48 hours straight now. Newborn won’t go into a crib. Will stay there for ten mins then cry. Swaddling doesn’t work. So only option is to hold to sleep. We are so tired neither of us can be trusted to do this without falling asleep ourselves. I am EBF but this isn’t going to work is it. What are you supposed to do? Naively bought a Next to Me and Moses basket assuming baby would be happy to go in them. We haven’t even left the hospital yet though and it’s clear they were a waste of money.

Sorry it’s been another crap night. Probably your H needs to try harder to get the baby to sleep on him - LOTS of walking up and down and shushing and waiting for the crying to stop. Do you have any nearby older female family or friends/neighbours? Babies seem to love falling asleep on “auntie” or granny in my experience and you might at least get a nap. Obviously him only sleeping on you isn’t sustainable.

You poor things. So I used to feed lying down in bed and then I'd fall asleep and DH would take baby away and change him when done so atleast I got some nap

Mine fed on around that schedule at first. We did have tongue tie but also cranial osteo really helped my youngest to settle. Was the birth traumatic? Sorry if you've said already

My DD was like this as my milk took about 5 days to come in so she needed the colostrum really regularly. Even once it did come in she would be feeding constantly. She fed pretty much non stop for the firet two weeks BUT it then got better.

Occasionally it can be a sign of CMPA but it's too early to say i think for your baby unless you've other signs of allergy beyond the not sleeping.

I think you should start looking at baby wearing carriers etc, as it seems he'll likely be totally velcro and you'll be carrying him about. Baby wearing means you get your hands free at least and Dad can do this too. Baby can sleep but don't you sleep wearing baby as unsafe.

The feeding sounds very very normal. I remember cluster feeding being the thing that shocked me the most out of everything that came with having a newborn. It does pass, I know you must be sick of people saying it but it really does. But like the midwife said, don’t expect him to know day or night for a while yet. It was a long time before we got any form of evenings back with both of ours, you just learn to adapt and do things differently. Keep going, you’re doing brilliantly.

The midwife came this morning and she has recommended co-sleeping, following the Lullaby guidelines. I'm up for giving it a try - she showed me how to BF on my side. DS loved it, and then he fell asleep for 1.5 hours - horizontal on the bed! Unbelievable.

For context, last night he wouldn't be put down at all and one of us had to hold him last night.

The only problem I can see is - there is quite a gap between the edge of our mattress and the Snuzpod crib. That's because our bed has a really thick frame. He could in theory wander to the edge of the mattress and fall into the gap between the mattress and crib. Should we put something there to fill the gap?

Yes bf horizontal was a lifesaver for me. Just shove a rolled up towel down the gap if that gap is big or just lay a towel over the gap extending into the crib and your bed if its quite narrow

As pp said, rolled up towel.

Once baby is asleep you can also attempt to transfer to snuzpod and zip it up.

I have read the whole thread but I would highly recommend a cranial osteopath for baby, newborns can have a lot of tension in their little bodies from being in the womb and delivery it really made a difference for my dd’s. I would also feed lying on our sides and then roll away, usually I would wait 10-20 minutes before attempting to roll the baby onto their back.

I'm glad your midwife was sensible enough to suggest cosleeping. In my experience this really is the only solution. There's no need to battle to get baby into the crib when they are only doing what they're programmed to do ie wake when out of contact with mum's safe warm body.

I only co/slept a few times and only during the day just to get some sleep. Just until DD settled to sleep on her own. Just now, you need sleep and rest however it works.

im one of those that fed and fed and told it was cluster feeding, but it was in fact a problem with my milk supply. I think it’s always worth keeping an eye on, mixed feeding might have made it work for me.

One of those foam pool noodles under the bottom sheet should stop him rolling out.

Have you tried putting one of your nighties or t shirts next to him - if he can smell you he may settle more easily.

My DS had one of my unwashed nighties in his cot, and was still sleeping with cut up bits of it at age 4!

Good luck, it's really tough to begin with but it does get easier.

Oh and don't believe anyone who tells you their babies slept through the night from day one!

My milk came in on Friday night and baby has been feeding more frequently since then. Midwife said this was completely normal and my latch is great etc. However, since my milk has changed, sometimes baby does a tiny bit of curdled vomit, or a small amount of more liquid vomit. Clearly he needs a good wind after feeding but how do I tie that in with co sleeping? By sitting him up to wind after feeling I’m waking him up again? Is it going to be easy to get him to sleep on the bed after?

I should explain, when I did a lying down feed earlier today, he was sick onto the bed after. It worried me that he could be sick in the night while trying to sleep.

I think I'd try to do his big feed sitting up if he's struggling with reflux, then wind him a little (though it doesn't particularly help all babies) and then if he stirs while settling on the bed with you, he'll just then hopefully feel a tiny bit to get to sleep so it's not a big feed. Think that's what I did.

I recommend Lucy Webber feeding support on instagram btw if you're not already following. She's fab.

Helpful article theconversation.com/do-we-really-need-to-burp-babies-heres-what-the-research-says-223306

Thank you I will give that a read 😊

So I think co-sleeping has the potential to be a game changer. After a big feed, some of which went right through him and a couple of changes, he went down on the bed at about 1:30am. We stayed there until 8 with a couple of small lying down feeds along the way.

DH got a fairly good sleep although seemed to be forever popping over my shoulder ‘just to check he’s okay.’ 😁 I didn’t make the most of it, I was awake more than I should have been but again that was just the anxiety of checking he was okay. But I can see how once I am more confident with it, I will sleep more with it. And now I know DH had an okay sleep I will feel better about trying to have a nap today while DH takes the baby.

It was much less stressful than the previous nights have been. I am absolutely not going to count my chickens at this point but I can see it is much better than ‘tag teaming while trying not to fall asleep on top of baby!’

This has been such a useful thread and thank you again to everyone who took the time to help and reassure me. I will update with how we get on this week!

Glad things have improved OP. Having a baby is such a huge learning curve - and by the time you've cracked it they've moved on to the next phase 😂

Sounds promising OP. You're describing my situation almost exactly!
Regarding the milky vomit, I think I would try to keep baby on his side for 5 mins or so after feeding so that any liquid will roll down onto a muslin you've held there, then remove once soiled.
I only winded baby if she seemed uncomfortable. Typically she'd do most of the feed, be unsettled, I'd wind and she'd burp, she'd feed again then within a few mins go to sleep. I think that last little feed was more comfort sucking with dribbles of milk than actual active swallowing but it was enough to send her to sleep.
I put a waterproof mattress protector like Little Green Sheep moses basket or crib size underneath baby's head/my torso to catch all the milk drops which seemed to constantly be between us, and wash every few days. I realised that my sheets were developing a disgusting smelly dried milk patch!

Pull his mattress across to yours and fill the gap opposite with something firm 👍🏼

With regards to your comment about the gap with the next to me cot. The best thing I've found to do is to push the next to me mattress so that's its flush with your mattress & used a rolled up towel in the gap that is now between the next to me mattress and the wall of the next to me cot.
Does that make sense? If necessary also put a rolled up towel on top of the bedframe but below the next to me mattress (we have to do this with our set up as bed frame is lower than the top of the mattress.

However I’ve never been able to slide my babies across. So if that doesn’t work for you, don’t feel alone.
and re burping, I find their latch is better side lying and they don’t need burping really. If they wake after a time I would then burp them then, and then feed again lying down to sleep.

Just going through some old opened tabs on my phone and came across this one so I thought I’d update!

DS is four months now. He has never taken to the Snuzpod. He will now go in the Moses basket but only awake! So I can pop him in it to make a cup of tea. All naps have been contact naps, although he will sleep in the pram if we’re out walking or in a shopping centre.

It used to frustrate me so much when people mentioned the fourth trimester as ALL babies need this but clearly not all babies need to sleep on their caregivers!

Co-sleeping has been great for us. No, DS isn’t sleeping for two blocks of six hours in one go like the babies of my antenatal group, BUT because I was able to master feeding lying down it means I don’t need to get out of bed and wake myself up for 40 mins feeding him. So, swings and roundabouts.

It’s been really hard at times not being able to put DS down, some days I wasn’t even able to get dressed or make lunch because I was nap trapped and unable to even put him down anywhere when he was awake.

Going forward, DH and I can’t see DS popping off into his own room in two months’ time 😂 so we’re not quite sure how to take co-sleeping forward once DS is able to roll etc…

I would love to be able to put DS down in the Moses for some naps but absolutely no chance as his eyes fly wide awake if I even deign to try! Ah well. The cuddles are lovely 😊

Our daughter slept between us surrounded by a barrier of towels to make sure she was safe. We do have a SK bed. She hated the moses basket but oddly was happy in her cot bed after a few weeks and since then has slept on her own for 14 years.

@PBQ123 it took me til 10 months to be able to get my son to nap in his cot, and that's only by having it next to the bed with no gaps (we coslept that way so he was on his cot and I was in the bed but could reach out, almost like a giant next to me) and lying him down repratedly til I got it, and replicating night time routine with a story then a feed then nap. Was amazing not rocking him, he was huge and my joints killed. Sadly he's still a crap sleeper at 18 months despite a lovely bedtime routine but we live in hope!

I miss the contact naps now, despite them making it difficult to get things done. Such a precious time, and you can look back and say you cuddled your baby as much as was humanly possible!