How the heck are we supposed to sleep if newborn won’t go in a crib?

[PBQ123]

I’ve been awake for coming up to 48 hours straight now. Newborn won’t go into a crib. Will stay there for ten mins then cry. Swaddling doesn’t work. So only option is to hold to sleep. We are so tired neither of us can be trusted to do this without falling asleep ourselves. I am EBF but this isn’t going to work is it. What are you supposed to do? Naively bought a Next to Me and Moses basket assuming baby would be happy to go in them. We haven’t even left the hospital yet though and it’s clear they were a waste of money.

I’ve just spent a week in hospital after having my daughter and the midwife’s there would definitely take your baby over night. One of the mums on my ward was so tired they kept her baby for 9 hours as he was FF. they offered to have my DD but luckily she slept okay her first week

it’s hell, hang in there

I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful - sleep deprivation is the worst. You will be in a much better place when you get home. (Also, agree that post natal ward can be horrendous with inconsiderate people and so much noise and light!) My second DC (now 3 weeks old) was really fussy at the beginning. I'm ebf and she settled once my milk supply had built after a few days. I suggest making use of the midwives and checking your latch etc is good. A friend tried baby osteopathy for her baby and said it was really helpful. During COVID, I was awake in hospital with my first DC for 30 hours straight (only one parent allowed in and she wouldn't sleep unless I held her as she was so poorly! Bf at the time, so had to be me in hospital). At one point, my husband tagged in for an hour and I had the best sleep in the car. Eye mask, etc. Kept me going.Your partner needs to get at least an hour of sleep so he can hold the baby and you can get three! You've just been through birth and you need more rest than your partner. Midwives at my hospital were wonderful, but wouldn't have time to look after a baby for much longer than a few minutes. Keep going and you will get through this and it will get better!

I co-slept in the hospital, accidentally at first as I was so tired I fell asleep while breast feeding. The midwives had no problem with it, and I continued to co-sleep at home.

Co-sleeping is the norm in many cultures, so I wouldn't discount it out of hand as some PPs have suggested, unless there is specific research based advice that it's a risk, my DD is a teenager so my experience was quite a while ago.

Congrats on the baby, hope you get home soon.

The ward can be absolute hell if the other people are loud and have visitors (it was much better in covid!).

Once you’re home it’ll feel a lot better. Then you need to take turns, one sleeps while the other has baby.

Look up safe cosleeping guidelines from the lullaby trust and the safe sleep 7 from La leche league. If you’re utterly exhausted there’s a high chance you’ll fall asleep holding baby - vastly safer to plan this and have baby in a suitable bed than to fall asleep on the sofa.

My first was better but my 2nd, 4 weeks old now only falls sleeps when held. I can transfer her and sometimes she stays asleep, sometimes not, but I don’t even try now till she’s asleep for an hour. She isn’t at all comfortable on her back, I put her to sleep on her front. Both my babies have reflux which is super common and weren’t comfortable on backs. I think much of the advice ie put babies onto backs they don’t tell you what to do if your baby doesn’t like that. First time I drove myself mental. I’ve subsequently come to realisation that letting baby sleep on you is how humans are naturally designed to raise babies. Think about it when we were in caves if babies weren’t held they’d have perished. This desire to be held is hard wired in them for survival and many very sensitive to not being held. throughout history till really recently people slept holding their babies. So I now sleep with LO on my chest, I’m propped up on cushions and have my arms around her . I feel very attuned to her and I’m not at all worried that she’ll move off me without me noticing, not least they can’t really move at this age. When she stirs I wake. I know loads of people will say this is unsafe and cite SIDS advice - I think the current advice is a bit useless for me. If I didn’t do this my baby would be screaming or chocking on their reflux. I wish someone had told me this with my first.

A tale as old as time.
Hospitals suck for sleep, newborns suck for sleep. You'll get through it, my sleep tracker had me at 6 hours sleep in 8 days after I gave birth...

My top tip is to learn how to safely co-sleep. It so often happens anyway it's best to learn how to do it safely, there's something called the safe sleep 7. My next to me was used to store cushions and a sort of bedguard but baby slept bt me on my mattress, husband on other side of me. Still same sleep set up at 1 year 🙃

I don't think anyone above has mentioned this yet, but learn how to do side lying breastfeeding - a complete and utter game changer!! And yes to safe cosleeping. All so much safer than falling asleep sitting up or in a chair. The midwives were all for cosleeping in my hospital.

My wife and I had this with our firstborn - wouldn't sleep without being in contact with one of us. The only way through was for us to take it in turns to sleep. I would take DS at 7pm (after a big feed) and my wife would go to bed. I would watch Netflix if DS was sleeping (strapped to me) or leave the flat if DS was noisy. I'd try to make it to 11pm and then swap. My wife would feed him lots and try to get him to sleep next to her, while I slept on the couch until 4am, then we would swap back and I would give my wife a few more hours to sleep before I had to go to work. It wasn't easy, but it got us through.

I feel for you, it’s a nightmare in the hospital. So inconsiderate to be speaking loudly in the middle of the night. Ask the nurse to help, tell them you’re at breaking point. I co-slept with my youngest (safely on mums side) when she was a baby. She wouldn’t settle. She did eventually go back in her cot for a while but she didn’t go to her own bed until around 12yrs old!! Even then she came back for a while when she was unwell and finally left for good around 13.5yrs old!! So beware. Once you’re home, you’ll have more chance to put baby down and settle

My newborn wouldn't sleep in a moses basket. He was huge anyway, plus the mattress is very hard and he just moaned and complained until he was lifted out.

Put him in the proper cot with bars and a proper mattress. He looked tiny in there:) but he slept. Moses basket sold on.

We had a massive silver cross pram that was completely flat for baby and huge mattress in it for the day. All very stately:)

It's only 48 hours. Baby has only just come out of you. DSis held her baby for weeks. She took turns with her DH.

It’s too early to say your baby won’t sleep in a crib as they probably will once you get home where it’s quieter, calmer, darker when baby’s resting.

I agree with another poster that baby may be hungry. I EBF too but with my first baby I got my husband to smuggle in a bottle of prepared formula because the hospital were adamant the baby should keep suckling but no milk was coming yet and she was getting hungrier all the time. Maybe your hospital will supply a bottle of formula or if not you could ask your husband to get one from a chemist.

I feel really sorry for you as it sounds horrible there. Hopefully you will be going home soon where you can get into a better routine and baby will sleep.

3 kids here and all like this first 72 hours but became really good sleepers. In hospital other babies were just in their cots sleeping and felt so jealous!

If ebf (mine all were) by baby 3 I just knew I wouldn't sleep for 3 days pretty much. I just fed fed fed to establish feeding. If baby is sleeping in cot for a few minutes, honestly go with this. Take turns etc. I could never co-sleep (long story here but don't trust myself asleep) and think eventually that meant my babies became brilliant sleepers. You might find your baby is sleep feeding. I had to tickle my little ones ears to keep waking them up on the boob so they finished a feed. Then I could put them down tired after a feed.

OP look into a Purflo pod if you can for when you are home. Helped settle both of mine, and certified for safe sleeping which put my mind at ease. Always a better option than you falling asleep with the baby in your arms. Good luck, it does get better! I was you, my baby is now 17 months old and sleeps blissfully through the night. Remember, it isn’t forever

This happened with my first. I ended up co sleeping and loved it. Read the Lullaby Trust for safe sleeping guidance. I cleared the bed, slept alone with baby with a pillow for me and single duvet over my legs. I was breastfeeding and a non smoker, light sleeper. Worked very well for me. My second I just went straight into co sleeping again.

Don’t panic. Once you get home you will find your way. One of mine was a front sleeper. Completely not recommended but with colic it seemed to work. Sometimes you have to follow your babies lead not the book. As long as they are safe it’s the main thing. At home you and your partner can take it in turns to sleep. It will get easier.

Do you have a rocker for your moses basket? We found that this really helped dd to settle into her moses basket, she was small so was in quite a while. We also had Ewan the dream sheep which seemed to help from very tiny as well. I think the noise and light were very comforting.

Put baby in bed with you . My midwife suggested it when i was in hospital.

Can you get a private room? I was in for 5 days and I remember the midwife tentatively telling us the cost, something like £100/night. I would’ve paid £500 not be on a bloody ward. Maternity wards are hideous. We slept in shifts though so I would sleep 5pm - midnight, DH midnight - 5am. But baby will go into the cot, keep trying and it’ll be mixed but it will happen.

or buy a Snoo.

Tell the other mums they need to stop, because they are preventing you and your baby from getting any sleep. Look completely unhinged while you do it. That's what I did, and it worked (although in my case, it was actually the dads who worse).

We had to do shifts for the first 8 weeks so i slept 7-2 and then we swapped. not ideal but it worked for us and meant we all got
some sleep.
It does all then fall into place and get easier xx

Bless you, I didn’t sleep in the hospital, thankfully was only 24h. Woman in the next cubicle was calling people chatting in the middle of the night 😫Mine didn’t sleep well either in the hospital.

Once you get back home she may settle. If not then look up how to co sleep safely. Ds refused to sleep in the next to me at first, he would sleep in his Moses basket for naps but I did have to co sleep for a while. He now sleeps alone in his cot.

Congrats on your new arrival 😊

Our DD was the same. I’d go to bed about 10pm and DH would sit up with her asleep on him on the couch (watching movies) until about 2am, then I’d get up for the next shift. We’d swap again in the morning. It did pass though, and she came to accept her next-to-me crib after a couple of weeks.

(DH was working at this time as is self-employed so no excuse for Hs who are actually on paternity leave!)

It happened for me, and not in the Middle Ages either: my daughter is 6. And I didn’t even have to ask, they just said they were taking her so I could sleep.

Sending you a hug as this sounds very similar to my experience and I remember how awful it was! My little girl wouldn’t settle in a crib at all for the first 72 hours. I was also EBF at that time, and it turned out she wasn’t getting anywhere near enough from me and was hungry and dehydrated, which is why she would only sleep on us. As soon as we introduced formula on day 3 (on medical advice) she settled really well and has since been quite a good sleeper, so if you have any concerns definitely worth checking! X