How the heck are we supposed to sleep if newborn won’t go in a crib?

[PBQ123]

I’ve been awake for coming up to 48 hours straight now. Newborn won’t go into a crib. Will stay there for ten mins then cry. Swaddling doesn’t work. So only option is to hold to sleep. We are so tired neither of us can be trusted to do this without falling asleep ourselves. I am EBF but this isn’t going to work is it. What are you supposed to do? Naively bought a Next to Me and Moses basket assuming baby would be happy to go in them. We haven’t even left the hospital yet though and it’s clear they were a waste of money.

I felt like this when I bought my newborn home. I was so naive.

i EBF and just put them in the crib when they seem asleep. Bum first then head as can startle them if head first. If they wake, back on the boob to try again. When they’re asleep put them in the crib.

keep trying again and again. Eventually they will do 2 hours in the crib. Then more.

I sleep trained at 5 months. Sleeps 12 hours now in her cot and she’s 8 months. Still bf.

We gladly take babies for a few hours in our hospital, admittedly its a small unit but it does still happen in some places!

Oh you poor thing! There’s been lots of good advice already and things will definitely get better, hang in there.

Post natal wards are hell on earth, push to be sent home as soon as you and the baby are well enough.

You’re also dealing with the baby cluster feeding to establish your milk supply, so that should settle a bit at least when the milk arrives on day 3.

Then, just to reiterate some of what’s been said already:

• Tag team with your partner and take it in turns to sleep.
• Even better - is there someone who could come to the hospital to hold the baby for a few hours while you sleep & your partner goes home for a nap on a proper bed? Build up both of your energy reserves so you can then tag.
• Once home, highly recommend co-sleeping. It was the only way I could get any sleep with my similarly unputdownable babies.
• We relied heavily on the babies napping in slings for the first couple of months. They gradually became totally happy to nap & sleep in their own cots btw

Yeah that's really shit. I was lucky to have two fairly quiet women to share my ward with.

When can you go home?

I've had severe sleep deprivation well beyond the newborn stage but I think it was such a shock to the system after my first.

You do adjust.

My first was an awful sleeper. Things that helped at home were to take a cellular blanket, tightly roll and bend into a U-shape at the top of the Moses basket (so they don’t feel abandoned in a big space). Hot water bottle in the middle, my vest tightly covering the Moses basket mattress so it smelt like me- and then remove the hot water bottle and pop the baby in. Then lightly rocking for 10 or so minutes until asleep. Took some figuring out but we got there in the end.

I think at the moment is probably due to being so tiny and all the disturbances in hospital, it does get so much easier at home!

But agree with @Thack that if it’s a problem that continues have a look into what could be causing it. My DD wouldn’t be put down at about 3 weeks old, and I just thought that was normal because people tell you babies dont sleep. But when the HV saw her they suspected allergies and it turned out she had uncomfortable reflux if she lay on her back. Very quickly after a change of diet she slept perfectly in her crib (or perfectly for a newborn anyway!). We also saw an osteopath as I had forceps and her sleep improved after that too

I remember it well. My baby is 11 months old now and it gets easier (or you somewhere catch up with sleep a little and it feels easier).

You've just had a massive ordeal and everything will feel massive now! You're tired and sore and your hormones are everywhere. Of course you will sleep, it just doesn't feel like it now.

When I brought my baby home he wouldn't sleep in the next to me so I took the Moses basket upstairs. Then he took a dislike to the Moses basket and would only sleep in the next to me. Through the day he would only sleep on me (which felt claustrophobic at the time especially with the cluster feeding). Having a baby is just a massive mind game, you are their slave and you will have to keep guessing what they want but honestly it will get easier. In a few months when you've recovered and slept this will seem like a lifetime ago.

You're doing amazing. Ask the midwives again to mention the noise. I appreciate they have other things to do but they might get chance to have a word. Fingers crossed you get discharged soon. Congratulations on your perfect little baby xx

Yes I remember it well, first baby, zero sleep. Bright lights. Cluelessness. Wanting your partner there with you. Then another person talking on the phone until someone else shouts for them to shut up. It has been the best part of 20 years since that night but honestly I can relive it in detail. Maternity wards aren’t really fit for purpose in terms of sending mothers off to the world with their new baby.

having a newborn is honestly is like doing some awful SAS training when you thought you were going to a spa to be surrounded by love and cuddles. It is a brutal shock to the system and something you can’t prepare for.

it does get better I promise but it can take a long time. Raising a new born to 1 year is a marathon and not a sprint.

Please please don’t listen to posters telling you about milk supply and to give formula. I can’t believe in 2024 some of this BF advice is still being trotted out- even simple comments like this can lead to a crisis of confidence and the end of a BF journey for some women.
You are 48 hour PP- your milk will probably come in within the next day. You currently have colostrum. You won’t be able to express milk yet most likely. Baby is sucking like mad to bring it in. Totally normal.
Babies are fussy and cry a lot. They don’t like being separated and all they want to do is be held. This is all completely normal - please don’t think baby not sleeping in a crib is due to no milk. Giving bottles of formula in the very early days will almost certainly compromise establishing your milk supply. I’m sad new mums are still being told in the first few days that they don’t have milk. Depressing.

OP the post natal ward is a special kind of hell. Things will be a bit different and calmer when you get home. Tag team with your partner to catch sleep between feeds. Learn to feed on your side (tricky when baby is very new due to baby having no head control but a life saver as the weeks go on if you can get the hang of it)
Learn about safe co sleeping with a go sleeper next to you.
White noise. Placing a hand on your baby until they fall asleep, swaddle correctly, swaying or bouncing. Lots of things to try but it’s tot normal for a new baby to cry when put down.

Agree it’s v v v v early. Give her time. It will work out- you’ll crack it- milk, swaddle, dark.. a crib that rocks itself could be helpful for you. Things are v v hard when you are tired. Remember that! It’s not you or baby. It’s the lack of sleep that gets you. Congrats xx

Yes, agree with PP it is depressing that you've had comments to just give formula when you're literally 48 hours in. I think some people feel guilty about bottle feeding so they want everyone else to bottle feed.

Hope you are feeling okay today. My night of no sleep in hospital was awful but it got much better once home and safely cosleeping to BF.

i had one that wouldn’t sleep in a Moses basket or cot for 5 months 😵‍💫 It was horrendous and we tried constantly to get him to settle in it to no avail. We had to tag team each other, taking it in turns to sit up holding him or watch him sleeping in his car seat if we were desperate (it’s not safe for them to sleep in a car seat regularly or without being checked regularly).

Someone eventually told us to take him to a cranial osteopath and the night after his first appointment he slept for 3 hours in his cot followed by an hour and a half after a feed. This will sound like nothing to those who have babies who sleep through but for us it was a miracle. Things got (SLOWLY) better from then on.

see how you go for a few weeks but if the problem persists, do try a cranial osteopath. You’ll probably need 3 appointments. If you’ve had a c-section or a forceps or venteuse birth it can be particularly helpful. The osteopath told me that babies born in those ways often have a headache or dizziness that worsens when they’re placed on their back which is why they like to sleep upright or on their tummies which obviously isn’t safe when they’re so young, so the treatment helps with this.

can you ask for a side room? Not sure if this is an option everywhere but I had one when I had DS2, it was right near the nurses station so you could hear chatter but it was much better than being on the ward

Ahh, it will be better when you get home. Don’t forget too your hormones are plummeting post birth ( baby blues they called it in my day) . It hits about day 2-3 just when you’re at your most tired.
Its so loud in hospital no one gets rest , and your little baby is still adjusting to being in the world.
It will get better- honest xx

If you have to stay in hospital for a little while, could you ask for a private room? You have to pay but it's so worth it if they have one free.

I was in for 9 days and had a room the whole time. I paid for the first couple of nights but then as we had to stay for medical reasons it was free after that.

This is definitely a solution. Tag teaming sleeping.

Saying that we ended up with a small baby bath between us in bed for a while that the baby slept in (made comfortable for him, obviously, cant remember how exactly) when one of ours was little as we had the exact same issue. He was happy in that, literally nothing else worked.

Oh I so feel for you. The ward is hell - genuinely I have worse memories of being on the ward than of labour! It’s criminal that this is how we treat women and newborn babies in this country. It should get so much better when you go home ❤️

Can you discharge yourself from hospital if you do not have medical need to stay?

My first was screaming mess in hospital so I went home after a day and he slept like a log in a bed next to me.
It took eight montgs to kick him out of bed tho.

Oh god, you're giving me flash backs. Have they given you any idea when you might be able to go home? Maternity wards are hell. My ds took a while before we could put him down in his next to me crib but we used it loads, it will be a worth while purchase. You need to tag team it, one of you sleep while the other holds the baby. The first little while is so hard but you will get into a rhythm 💐

Very good advice but...

....IF your milk doesn't come in, please don't suffer endlessly, it never did for me despite a month of relentlessly trying. My second latched perfectly, I just never made the milk. I could feel the PND looming tbh. After a month of relentlessly trying I gave in and within 48 hours wow, my baby, me, my husband were all so much happier. Baby fed, PND no longer looming.

Happily the early colostrum in those first days which we can all provide provides most immunity benefits. My boy now is about as healthy as he can be and was bottled fed the whole time after that first month (he lost too much weight that first month too because I felt such a huge pressure to breastfeed at any cost). The judgement I got though. Definitely got told 'I didn't try long/hard enough' by quite a few women who had literally no idea of how hard I tried or that milk was just not ever going to come through for me.

If your milk comes in that's amazing and worth keeping trying a while for. If it doesn't, bottle feeding is also wonderful, and don't let anyone judge you for which road you need to take.

The hospital is the absolute worst bit. Hell on earth.

I asked and they happily took my first, with my second the night midwife suggested she take him and with my 3rd I simply didn't need them to. I'm not the only poster who has suggested this so whilst it may not have been your experience it doesn't mean they won't help if asked.

You cosleep, safely.

Newborns aren't meant to go in cribs.

@WhiteLily1 your advice is incredibly dangerous and I hope the OP disregards it. Offensive to those of us who tried everything to breastfeed and whose milk supply never came in. After 72 hours of being told ‘quality not quantity’ ‘she’s getting what she needs’ I asked them to check her bloods because she was becoming lethargic (even for a newborn!) and I thought she had an infection. She didn’t - she was dehydrated almost to the point of needing an intervention. Advice then switched to supplementing with formula immediately for babies health. I then tried for weeks afterwards to BF / combination feed - I tried everything. My milk supply never came in. Your suggestion that milk always comes in and everyone can breastfeed is not only nonsense, it’s offensive and dangerous

@Chessfan not to derail but this was similar to me. I tried and tried and it was the midwives urging me to give a bottle but because of the social stigma and the pnd I couldn't. Baby was absolutely fine but the guilt I felt 🥴. My midwife told me breast is always best, until it isn't. And at the time I didn't understand but I think it's best if you're not sacrificing your mental health. I got myself in such a dilemma, cried every day until baby was 7 months old. Wish I'd listened sooner. He's 91st centile now at 11 months which seems a long way from me crying because he wouldn't gain weight.