How the heck are we supposed to sleep if newborn won’t go in a crib?

[PBQ123]

I’ve been awake for coming up to 48 hours straight now. Newborn won’t go into a crib. Will stay there for ten mins then cry. Swaddling doesn’t work. So only option is to hold to sleep. We are so tired neither of us can be trusted to do this without falling asleep ourselves. I am EBF but this isn’t going to work is it. What are you supposed to do? Naively bought a Next to Me and Moses basket assuming baby would be happy to go in them. We haven’t even left the hospital yet though and it’s clear they were a waste of money.

Safe cosleeping- lie next to baby rather then hold to sleep.

Things will get better. Both mine (now 7 and 10) slept in a Next to Me but maybe not in first 48 hours. We put one of those cocoon beds inside it - what are they called now? DockaToT or something? That was a game-changer. I think I ordered one from John Lewis when DS was 3 days old and he slept for more than a couple of hours in it.
And don't do that thing where you both stay awake...we learned from DS that that doesn't work. When DD came along DH slept in the spare room while I breastfed through the night. One of you needs to sleep!

My third baby hated the hospital. It was the constant busyness and lights off and on and people going in and out and talking. They found it very unsettling. Their first night at home they found it hard to settle but slept better after that, waking for feeds and not because of stress.

It will get better xx Think of the stress of the hospital for them, and think how different the world is (even your own house) after the gentle peace of the womb. They’ll settle and you’ll be able to get some sleep. Newborns do feed quite often but that’s to establish the milk supply not anything to do with being unsettled. They’ll gradually settle into a routine as they learn the difference between night and day and settle into things.

Get as much sleep as you can in hospital, and know that this is normal. It’s not your fault and it’s not anything different with your baby. Things will settle down.

Sorry I mean once you're home to cosleep safely. Right now it sounds just so hard in hospital, i am so sorry. It might be because baby is having their cluster feeding night. A lot of newborns have a night or two where they wake up a bit and suddenly want to cluster feed all night to increase your milk supply. This too will pass!

Can I also suggest that you don't swaddle your LO? The midwives at both hospitals I was in, for 2 separate births, were adamant that babies love swaddling and it helps them sleep. Well, I have news for them! Not all babies. Mine hated it, neither did they like a crib or Moses basket. When I put each direct into a cot where they could stretch out they slept far better.
When you get home, it will be quieter, you can find out what works for you, hospitals generally are the very worst place to try to sleep. I think that goes for everyone, not just maternity.

I assume your DH is on paternity leave right now?

If so, get him to go home and have a good 6 hours sleep.

Then he can come in and take over completely whilst you sleep for as long as the visiting hours allow.
Wake only to feed and then go back to sleep.

Tell him to bring you some ear plugs and an eye mask too.

When you get home, do a similar thing of sleeping at different times until baby is more settled into a routine.

Your sleep is everything and if you prioritise this, then everything else gets easier.

I was a single parent and I lost count of how many times I fell asleep with my baby, which is incredibly dangerous and I’m so thankful she was never hurt.

Congratulations ❤️❤️

Its a massive adjustment but it will get easier, especially once you’re out of hospital and not worried about your baby crying as much etc.

That all sounds quite normal to me. It will settle down soon. R
ight now your baby wants to be next to your heartbeat.

You can relax, that is what you can do.
You won't be sleeping much the first week and definitely not a good sleep in a hospital. Once you at at home try the mosses basket. If baby doesn't settle take turns to take care of the baby and to sleep if you can.
I understand you are now all over the place but you are making big assumption just on 48 hours.
A day at the time.

Ask the midwives if there's private rooms available.

They cost money per night stay but might be helpful to get a quiet night at least

No, the next to ,e cribs work!
I think it’s normal not to get sleep in hospital, it’s much better at home. You need to find a way to get sleep asap

Hospital is awful so things might be better at home. If baby really does just want to be with you there is always the safe sleep 7 on lullaby trust. Also if baby seems like they just aren’t comfortable an osteopath can do some magic (in my experience). Congratulations on your new baby.

It will get easier. Take heart that it’s early days in what sounds like a chaotic ward.
Also, EBF takes time to build up your supply so you feel that they’re constantly on your breast. I had a bedside cot that was like co sleeping. It was a god send and after a few weeks meant ‘night feeds’ were merely pointing my nipple in the right direction.

When you get home, sleep when baby sleeps and take it one day at a time. Congratulations 🥳❤️

First of all, post natal wards are hell. Make your main focus to be discharged ASAP !
Second if baby really won't sleep then alternate with DP or someone and then try to nap whilst they take over. When my Dniece was born, I used to do the 4/5am shift as I didn't mind waking up early and would just walk around my Dsis living room holding and patting the baby, softly singing and just trying to keep her going whilst mum and dad slept. I did that for 3 or 4 days and she then would settle reasonably well co sleeping with mum and dad. So the kit you've bought may be useful don't worry ! Apart from moses basket I don't know any baby who liked that lol!
Good luck OP. It will get better I promise

Send DH home stat. DH didn't stay with either of our children. Home for sleep he went! And with our first child it meant he could hold him whilst I slept when I got home.

Cosleeping, yes!

You've got this 💪

Firstly congratulations on your little one! Single mother here. My baby would only fall asleep on me. For the first couple of weeks I used the bassinet in the pushchair next to the bed. I let her fall asleep on me, would transfer her to the pushchair and then maybe have a 15minute power nap before she woke up. I had said before she was born absolutely no co-sleeping but after nearly falling asleep while breastfeeding in the night I made sure my bed met the lullaby trust sleep space guidelines. Just in case. I'm so glad I did that as I definitely fell asleep a couple of times. It got to a point where I had to balance the risks of co-sleeping and sleep deprivation. At about 6 weeks we started co-sleeping, we both got 8 hours sleep a night, which equaled a happier baby and less tired mum. I just don't know how I managed 6 weeks with no more than 20 mins of uninterrupted sleep!! If you've got a partner then you need to take it in turns. If you are getting up to feed the baby in the night, he needs to take the baby for a couple of hours in the day so you can sleep. It gets easier, but those first few weeks were rough.

Huh. Funny that. DD is also now 6 and I remember a midwife dragging me out of bed by the arm just after I'd started to sleep because "the baby needs to feed" and then she just shrugged and walked off when baby refused to latch because, newsflash, she wasn't actually hungry. (Also had a woman next to me who watched awfully distressing true crime shows on loud blast during the day).

Sorry OP as that might be what you want to read but that is to say that sleep gets much better once you leave the hospital. ❤

Hospital is shit. Get home as soon as you can, look up the lullaby trusts safe sleep 7 rules for bedsharing and practise breastfeeding lying down on your side. Neither of mine ever settled in the moses basket and I wouldn't have driven myself loopy trying.

Those first few days in hospital were a real trial for all the reasons I'm hearing here.

I'm going to be honest that the first night at home was too. DD didn't sleep much that night either but honestly from that point onward it just got easier and easier with every night that passed.

The tiredness is absolutely desperate and when you're EBF it can feel like it's a long way off before you'll get a proper sleep but it does get better from here. Keep going!

Congratulations on your newborn baby. I hated being in hospital, I always asked to leave the next day. The baby and I slept in the day and night, off and on for 2 hour periods. Husband took 2 weeks off paternity and we took turns sleeping and having the baby. After 2 weeks, it turned to 3 hour periods, which was better. After a few months they started sleeping through the night, with a 10pm and 4am bottle. You will get there, I promise.

agree with pp that getting the hell out of the hospital will help. When you are home and in charge of at least your own environment and surroundings it is much easier, even when sleep deprived.
for about the first week or so all of mine were pretty much nocturnal. Took a couple of weeks to get into the day time/nightime thing.
with one child, you absolutely must try and catch some sleep when they sleep - either on a grandparent/partner/in pram and away from you immediately after a feed.
with my first it was hell
With my second I basically moved into a separate room with the baby as I was breastfeeding, and that meant DH picked up the slack early morning and evening so we had a bit of a shift pattern.
with my third, he coslept mostly, with aid of a bedside crib. I would say he was the easiest sleep-wise but I think that’s partly because I was kind of used to it, partly that I knew it wouldn’t go on forever and mostly because of the co sleeping.

Just had a baby

First 3 orv4 days he wouldn't sleep lying down. My mother in law stayed over and held him for 3 hour shifts usually from about 3-6/7am to give us some sleep. Can you tag team or get another person to help you fornthe next couple of days?

After that, he obviously acclimatised to being outside the womb and we were able to put him down using a little pad heater to warm the snuzpod up. I still do this every time he wakes for a feed At 3 weeks old so it is getting some use.
https://amzn.eu/d/4bqNrzS
I slip it in there when i take him out to do nappy and feed and have far more success than when i try it cold.

It is so hard. This is my second baby and had forgotten how tough this bit was.....(especially as toddler is doing 2 year sleep regression so I'm doing overnights alone as H dealing with his wakeups).

I'm not cosleeping btw as I just don't trust it personally.Butt l I have finally learned to follow the fucking annoying mantra ofn "sleep when the baby sleeps". Hate it though!

Right, speaking of, tome to get this sleeping baby off thebboob pillow and my head down for another 2 hours (🤞🤞)

Good luck x

I had the second and third at home, largely to avoid the post natal hospital bit. At least at home people would bring me drinks and help out.

Those nights in the hospital are the worst. Someone else has mentioned a feeding issue, my daughter was tongue tied so she was constantly hungry has not getting enough in so could be worth investigating. On our second night in hospital the nurses took her for a few hours so I could sleep so they definitely do it. Those first few weeks are hard but you’ll find something that works. My daughter slept in the pram bassinet for the first 3 nights at home 🙈 it was a safe sleep space so ok but I do look back on it now and think it was wild. She’s been sleeping through the night in her next to me since 11 weeks old and is nearly 18 weeks now so it’ll all come, you’re going a great job x

Oh, love.

You've just had a baby, and a crammed into a tiny loud ward. I suspect that is actually just as much of the problem as baby not sleeping.

Baby sleep is an absolute f*** but you are in good company of the many many other mothers who have walked your steps, and you will get through it just as they have. I dare say many of us have started a similar thread or been searching old threads, for advice and reassurance.

Just do what you need to do survive until you get home, I can't promise it'll be easy at home but at least your surroundings will no longer work against you.

I think at this such young stage, there isn't actually much you can do (apart from try the obvious eg swaddle, white noise etc), and you just need to surrender and strap in for the ride.

Congratulations on your baby 🌷

OP those first few days can be so tough, especially if you are in hospital, as others have said, it will be better when you are home, in a calmer environment. I was left all night with baby and partner had to leave. I couldn’t walk properly, was battered after a difficult delivery and was generally emotional and exhausted so i understand exactly how you must be feeling at the moment.

Baby will settle eventually, the first few weeks/months can be incredibly hard. We got through those by tagging in/out. One slept upstairs while the other stayed with baby downstairs in the first couple of weeks (I found this hard but forced myself to do it). We all then went into the same room and each parent took turns overnight to be responsible so the other could get as much rest as possible (baby was BF so I was woken to do this but it was better than being up all night). Took baby ages to settle in crib but we persisted and she is a great sleeper now. Earplugs/sleep headphones/sleep mask were lifesavers in those weeks, I highly recommend.

Good luck to you all, and be kind to yourself, you have been through so much these last few days.