anyone got a friend who never asks how you are?

[dabbadoo]

I mean like, almost never.
There are many many (vast majority of) occasions when we go out and she talks talks talks about herself.
Went out last night for drinks and she spent over two hours talking about herself and her issues (always so many issues, never changes, stays with man she actively despises, hates job so talks about how much she hates that all the time)
In that time she didn't let us (there were three of us) get a word in and didn't ask how we were. Not once.
I think it might be the end of it really. I walked away thinking I'm done with this "friendship " now. Anyone else experience this?

Yes. The only one I would maintain as a friend who does this I accept it as one of her faults and it's not that she never asks, plus we do talk about other things but she's a mild case.

My mother. A real monologuer.

I worked with a group of people who literally only spewed out information about themselves. No questions at all or interest in others.

Yep, and ironically she always comments that a mutual friend of ours does the same.

She always has to be leading the busiest life, have the most problems to deal with, be running around more than the rest of us (sole parent of 2 teens here so she’s leaning on the wrong door), have the worst job etc etc.

Loves telling me how ‘thoughtful’ she is, how she’s dispensed advice, supported others etc etc.

She often makes me feel like I’ve let her down in some way, not done quite enough for her, made the grade friendship wise so I’ve started taking huge strides away from her. It’s all just too exhausting

Yeah I get the that's nice/oh no from my friend too.

Really annoying when I've tried to share something major with her.

Not a friend but my mother is like this. Never a how are you or a single question about my week, about her granddaughter - literally nothing. If she was a friend I'd walk away! Run for the hills is my advice!!!

Yes I have a couple of ‘friends’ like this. I’m phasing them out.

Do you live alone?

Yep. It’s a shame really because she is actually a really lovely person, but her life is constantly full of drama and she seems to thrive off it. I’d come away from any time spent together feeling completely emotionally drained and feeling annoyed that yet again she hadn’t even bothered to ask how I was doing.
The last straw really was when I lost a pregnancy (not the first time it had happened, and she knew this) - she did ask if I was ok and then proceeded to spend the rest of our time together telling me all about her sister’s pregnancy.
Luckily she moved away and I’ve not bothered to keep in touch except to wish her a happy birthday once a year on Facebook. I don’t wish her any ill but it’s a relief not to have her in my life any more.

I’ve had friends and acquaintances like this, and like PPs I’ve ended up cooling off my association with them because clearly they just want to broadcast at people, not actually communicate. I think people like this should set up a TikTok/YouTube channel and sit in an empty room and bang on about themselves to their heart’s content.

These types of people are energy sappers. They wear you down talking at you (they pick a passive person who is quieter than them). It’s like they’re running your battery down in order to charge theirs.
Whilst they’re not particularly nice people, to be fair to them, often they have no idea what they’re doing and perceive it to be a relationship of similar give and take.
You can’t change them. Either relegate them or cut them out. I cut mine out and my life is no less rich without them.

I came to the realisation one day that practically all of my friendships were like this - one sided! One by one I've stopped contacting/meeting up with them and it's great! I'd rather have no friends than one sided friendships . I'm quite an empathetic person so tend to attract these types of 'friends' something which I'm trying to change now I'm in my 40s.

I’m exactly the same.

I don’t think I have the energy anymore for friendships.

Yep. I've got one that only wants to see me when she has things she wants to get off her chest. Sits and rants away until we run out of time, then just as we are parting says "and how are you anyway?"

My best friend can do the two way conversation and is fab. She's a rare one amongst so many others who feel that every conversation has to revolve around them , because they are the only people that matter. Harder to ghost if it's family and you want a relationship with them though
( as I've discovered over time)

These people deserve to be socially ostracised.

Yup! It’s comical now, I scroll back through my WhatsApps and DH takes a guess how many months it’s been since she asked a question, let alone how I am. She knows I have just started a new career (because I have to shoe horn it into conversation, not because she enquires), and she hasn’t asked how it’s going. Yet I’ve managed to ask her how XYZ are going in her life, it never prompts her to ask anything back though.

My parents and sister haven’t asked me either. It’s pretty shit, I’m always asking how people are, I’m always remembering stuff about them, I always see things and think of them. Maybe people just don’t think about me I guess! I have 2 friends who have just started new jobs too and made sure to check in with them. Luckily they’re nice and have asked me about my new job too. When my friend’s mum died I made a note in my diary to check on her, see if I could do anything etc. It’s not hard.

I was literally in the middle of a sentence the other day at dinner and my mum just started talking about something totally different over the top of me. I just looked at DH and said, ‘see, no one ever listens to me, am I even here?’ 😄 no need to worry about being rude as no one noticed me talking 😂

Yes, I unfortunately find alot of people are this way. I ask how they are, how their children are, what they have been up to. I also follow up on what we were talking about last. They answer, talk all about themselves, and never ask a thing back! It is crazy how self absorbed some are.

I stopped speaking to a 'friend' because she couldn't even ask how I was after a bereavement, and after I had a serious health issue. I had checked in on her through out her whole pregnancy, listened endlessly to her issues, given advice like an agony Aunt. Some people are simple selfish, but people eventually get sick of them.

Huge generalisation and actually I find the opposite, often those with kids & grandkids don’t seem to have any awareness of how quite much other people need to hear about the lives of their children.

My sister & my Ex-husband

My sister is autistic and I think she thinks it's way more interesting to talk about random people I don't know & have never met than to ask me anything about myself.
Luckily I have a child and a dog so they get asked about.

My ex-husband, I think he was just narcissistic.

My friends are all lovely and would never not ask me about myself (& vice versa) because we care about each other

I would dearly love one of these eternal broadcasters to come on here and explain why they are like this (as a recent poster did about time blindness). Or does non-one realise?

I have a close acquaintance - thrown together by circumstance more than choice - who is a broadcaster and I often feel angry after seeing her. If I try talking about myself or a topic I care about, it's quickly snuffed because she doesn’t ask follow-up questions or look interested. Our friendship only seems to work if she is “steering” and I am listening/reacting.

If I raise Topic A she either switches to talking about her own relationship to the topic, or shifts to Topic B. As an experiment I once ignored the change in subject and persevered with Topic A. She simply kept on about B so we were ended up on entirely different conversational tracks until I gave in.

She is admittedly witty and has a lot of well-honed stories (some of which I have heard are than once). She once wondered aloud to me why other people don’t tell as interesting anecdotes as she does; I was too dumbstruck to say, it's because you don’t give others the same space that they generously grant you.

I am not a natural monologist and rely on my friends collaborating on conversations. This person doesn’t help me expand on topics as other friends do, so I tend to feel extremely small and dull when I am with her.

I don’t want to be so blunt that I come off as the bad guy or as needy and pathetic, but I find this dynamic infuriating. I need a skiful way to put a spoke in her wheel. Tips welcome!

The thing is if you get rid of her now, it will make room for someone new to enter into a friendship with and you can actually choose to spend time with new friends.

Yes I unfortunately have several 'friends' like this. I mean they do ask how I am, but it's like I have to wrap it up in 5 mins so they can get back to talking about themselves. I'm a good listener and far too many people have taken advantage of it

Yes I've got a friend like that - she's actually lovely, but she's a bit of an overtalker and tends to jabber on about herself. I do enjoy spending time with her, but I wouldn't use her as a confidante for anything.

I think when you have grandchildren and you are mixing with people who don't, it is better not to keep going on about them and how marvellous they are. It is boring. Best stick to general subjects you can all talk about. Perhaps mention something small and short but some granbores just go on forever.

Lovely. 🫣

Yes, I know exactly what you mean! They start to look over your shoulder to see it there is something more interesting around. A friend of mine did this when I was telling her briefly that my father had died. I never felt the same about her after that.