anyone got a friend who never asks how you are?

[dabbadoo]

I mean like, almost never.
There are many many (vast majority of) occasions when we go out and she talks talks talks about herself.
Went out last night for drinks and she spent over two hours talking about herself and her issues (always so many issues, never changes, stays with man she actively despises, hates job so talks about how much she hates that all the time)
In that time she didn't let us (there were three of us) get a word in and didn't ask how we were. Not once.
I think it might be the end of it really. I walked away thinking I'm done with this "friendship " now. Anyone else experience this?

Going on and on about anything is pretty boring tbh, particularly if you're not checking in with the other person regarding their level of interest.

Same here I know how you feel. Have given up now no one ever listens

I didn’t say I went on and on . But it’s downright rude when someone knows that something important has happened in another persons life and they show no interest. It’s just common courtesy to ask.

Yep iv known a few people like this, very me me me ... actually exhausted trying to have a conversation as she just loved the sound of her own voice. Constantly having to have one up on u aswell, like If I broke a toe she would have broken three toes... realised very quickly she had actually no interest in my life or anyone else's except her own and I think she had severe esteem issues as she Constantly needed validation from others around her.

Yeah 3 neighbours, ironically all female one needed to return a suitcase she borrowed from her friend who lives a few streets away to go on holiday to Egypt but was suddenly struck down by an acute attack of agoraphobia when she was expected to return the suitcase. Unfortunately her friend genuinely could not drive due to a sprained ankle and the $hit is about to hit the fan.

Yep. She was apparently my best friend for a long time but everything revolved around her.

We no longer speak and I'm much more at peace

I had a friend like this. And a husband.
I ditched the husband and somewhat ironically, I managed to upset the friend (I have owned it and apologised as much as i can) and she hasn't spoken to me since. I don't miss her 😬

We used to host overseas people usually teens but once a retired teacher in her 60s. By the end of the two weeks we both wanted to kill her. We would ask polite questions about her day which she would answer at length. Then silence. Another polite question from us her long response. Silence. Not ONCE in two weeks did she ask anything about us.

Honestly most of our teens friends have better manners.

also, without wanting to drip feed, me and the other friend have recently had a bereavement and some other heavy stuff occurring, so even more reason to enquire as to our wellbeing. But nope.

Yes I would love to hear a justification. One poster said once she had been taught it was rude to ask questions 🙄. None of my friends or family are like this which is not a coincidence!

My best friend has had a life changing surgery. Even her family don’t know all the details, just her husband , adult children and me. She still takes time to ask after all my family and remembers what’s been happening in my life. We do spend a long time talking about her, but that’s only right, and I love that she can talk to me about anything. But she never expects or takes me for granted…. She’s the best friend anyone could ever wish for.

Yes, I know somebody like this! It is awful, isn't it?! I avoid her now, because she will literally look over your shoulder and wave to somebody when you're in the middle of talking. This happened after she has talked endlessly about herself and her dc, and it is then your turn to speak. It is such an attention seeking behaviour, and usually people that do this are a bit insecure I think.

No, because surely no one would choose to have these people in their life on a sustained enough basis to generate a friendship?

You are very lucky!

In my case my friend didn’t start off like this. She was a bit love Bomby in the beginning (should have been a warning sign in hindsight!) then she evolved into me being the listener/cheerleader whilst she talked about her favourite subject - herself!)

I need to avoid this person in future, but they're part of a wider group of couples friends, so it will be tricky (but god help me, I need to do it for my own sanity)

.maybe these friends are lonely and talk as they have no one else to talk to?

I do have a friend whom is very self absorbed. She knows though and stops herself, apologies. I usually smile and say oh it's fine, back to you :)

I like listening to people and almost never discuss my life even if pressed to do so. Most people dont ask anyway:) Im very shy irl and introverted. So a self absorbed gas bag isn't so bad really.

I agree. It would be worse if friends WITH kids/grand kids didn’t show interest (if you’ve shown interest in theirs)

If they don’t have any, it may be a sensitive subject for them - it could also be the equivalent of someone crapping on about their latest break to the Maldives or new Ferrari, or 6 bedroom house etc. Some ppl are completely insensitive to other ppl’s set ups and it can come across as boasting/ bragging and there’s only so much polite interest ppl can be bothered to fake make.

Oh God yes, I feel as if I've met more than my fair share of people who talk for England, rabbiting on and on and on, and treating me as if I'm nothing more than a mute audience for them. They never, ever change. I believe in gentler times they were known as crashing bores.

I'm much happier without them around.

They're missing out; you learn a lot when you listen to others. Well, not the crashing-bore crowd, but normal people.

I was too dumbstruck to say, it's because you don’t give others the same space that they generously grant you.

This summarises it so well.

These ppl genuinely believe that they and their time are the most important factor. When they monologue - whether it be talking about where they got their hair done, their career, holiday, amazing kids - they feel that they are talking to a captive audience. That they are somehow being generous spending their precious time imparting their unique knowledge and experiences with the plebs and we are somehow grateful for them sharing it with (at) us.

When it comes to reciprocity - no chance. We’ve already established they are the more interesting ones who’s time is more valuable, so be grateful they shared themselves with you at all and expect a swift conclusion to the conversation when it’s your turn to speak - or much looking around the room/ over the shoulder action.

Think Amanda from ‘Motherland’. There are a lot of them about.

I find a lot of people seem unable to talk about or show any interest in things they may have no direct experience of. What happened to curiosity and empathy? One friend asked me what I had planned and I mentioned I might carry on with a new hobby that I had started last year and was really enjoying. She didn’t ask one question about it , just tried to steer my conversation towards an activity she wanted to do which she wanted me to to go to so she wasn’t alone. It feels like so many people are completely self absorbed.

I had a friend like this. Talked at me endlessly about herself, couldn't get a word in unless I interrupted her, expected me to interested in every tiny aspect of her life to the point where she wanted me to know more about her life than I know about my own and I'm living it, and rarely asked about mine. It was very intense, DP said she has main character syndrome. Had alternative ideas about everything, which I dealt with tact and patience, but didn't extend the same to me with my more average choices. Every time we met up I felt drained but felt sorry for her and she always wanted to meet so we did whereas other people were busy. She on the other hand was always recharged and wanted to meet again.

I had patience for a long time, until I got ill and couldn't deal with the energy sapping any longer and stopped meeting up. I had already stopped being tactful about the crazy ideas as she was never tactful with me, and she didn't like it. Occasionally I message her and I don't mind the odd message, she only replies more than once if I agree to meet up! Also, I'll say I can't meet as I'm ill/kids ill etc and she never once says hope you feel better etc, it cements that it was the right decision. I decided like @redshoes2017 that I rather lose a friend than go on being drained forever. I don't miss her, I just wish I'd pulled back sooner

This is an old thread resurrected , but strangely relevant to how I feel about people who knew I was starting a job with a new colleague , yet never even asked how it's going or anything about it
Yet we are meant to be in awe of every little thing they are doing / not doing at all times.
I know so many people like this now and I'm finding it depressing how self absorbed your friends and family can be :(

But why is starting a job with a new colleague a big deal? Is the job new, or just a project with a new colleague? Of you’ve always been a self-employed solo worker and this is the first time you’ve ever collaborated? I’m not trying to be awkward here. Just saying that what constitutes something significant enough to expect to be asked about it varies widely from one person to another. Some people expect to be congratulated on weight loss, others would find it tactless.

I'm the original poster and can see that my post has been resurrected again! I was out with friends
at the weekend and similar happened again.
I'm just reducing the time spent with certain
people. It didn't help that we were in a loud bar and everyone else in the group seemed to have a loud enough voice to speak above the din and able to hear everyone perfectly , despite the loud noise. Maybe I'm getting old, but I need a quiet place to sit and chat, not a loud pub!

Friends come in all sorts. Sometimes, friends who don't ask are useful because sometimes one might not want to say.

I have a very dear friend that asks way way too often how each of us in the house individually are. It's gets quite wearing to be WhatsApp ed this a lot