MN rules for life - shame edition

[Over40Overdating]

There have been so many bonkers threads lately where OPs have been shamed for what most people in real life would considered normal that I think some MNetters live in an alternate universe.

Shaming people for relatively normal things is off the charts right now.
I’ve got a list of things I now look out for on threads to play rules bingo - please add your MN bingo rules for life: shame edition!

• if you drink alone or at home, you have a drinking problem

• drinking whilst being a parent? JAIL

• express an opinion or anger about violence against women and girls - you are a misandrist and a man hater cos NAMALT

• Got a sex life that is not vanilla but harms no one? You should have more respect for yourself, you harlot

• Like to eat food that isn’t green and in larger portions than matchbox size? You are ‘scoffing’ and ‘gorging’ on rubbish, piggy

• Got a twatty partner who does things to drive you mad? Have you looked at yourself to see why you are causing this?

• Need to go no contact with toxic family or parents? You only get one mother / father and should take any shit they throw at you because someone who has no experience of abuse or family dysfunction thinks you sound selfish and childish. And didn’t you know some people have dead parents and you are being SO disrespectful to them?

• If you have an overbearing or interfering MIL you need to keep your mouth shut because you might be a MIL one day and how would you feel if your DIL talks about you this way?

What have I missed?

Honestly, I never understood why the toilet bowl has to be the cleanest place in the house. According to some stats, it actually is.. and why?

Me and Sally ( have name changed cos I don't want to be outed) have been friends from birth. We grew up living next door to each other and went on holiday together from the age of five. I view her family as mine, were bridesmaids for each other. We are both now 30. I have texted her 3 times in the last month to arrange a meet up since she gave birth but she hasn't responded. What should I do?
"I couldn't cope with that level of disrespect. Block her on everything. If she wants you as a friend, she should try harder"

My 11 year old wants to go to the local shop.
I can see it from my house, if I stand on the driveway. He had a fully loaded Go Henry card. He has a mobile phone with live 360 on it, so I can track him there and back. He goes to weekly martial arts so has learnt self defence. Should I let him go? I would never forgive myself if something happened to him.

I have a chronic debilitating illness. All my limited energy goes on basic household tasks. Any tips for coping?

Well personally I find a 10 mile run before breakfast sets me up for the day. If you can fit in a trip to the gym every evening you will get a massive boost of energy, almost too much haha. Make sure you do 500000 steps a day.

Don't ever, ever EVER expect to celebrate your own birthday or enjoy it in any way.

Valentines and mothering Sunday are both "allowed"

If you’d put your keys somewhere, where would they be?

A trans woman probably hid them.

@TeaAndStrumpets have you looked at your diet? No carbs and cooking from scratch helps my energy levels.

Maybe a night at a hotel with a spa would help?

LOL, this is the only thread I have to ever read and the ditch all of the rest all together

Or find a gran who hasn't perished from the cold and ask if they could drop round the odd home cooked casserole. But only if you haven't NC of course.

@JohnCravensNewsround you can’t expect a child of that age to be able to cope with that. Try again when he’s 18.

Also you are helicopter parenting him and have failed him for not setting him loose with a knife and compass for a weekend when he was 6.

You don't cook from scratch? Go straight to Bad Mum Jail.

And they normally manage to shoehorn in a wide-eyed confusion over what childless people are doing on MUMSnet (capitals compulsory)

Accidentally been nice and understanding to someone on an AIBU thread? NetMums is that way, hun. Oh and you're probably thick and common.

Not sure if already said but when cooking you must bung, chuck or throw things in to your oven and pans, never place or put. Particularly if it is a quick dinner for after your DCs many extracurriculars.

😂 that made me chuckle

I have always wondered about this one. It lacks a main verb.

Your DH supports and encourages you? Those are normal things to expect in a relationship!!!!! Why are you accepting such a low bar?!

Bonfires are evil. Not one single person likes them and if you do, you too are evil.

Don't forget pop. I don't think I've ever heard people say pop or bung in real life.

Don't forget the grabbing. You never just go shopping or collect something, you are always 'grabbing' stuff.

Tories could murder your children but they are better than Labour because private schools etc. And they got Brexit done and defeated Covid

One I've come across a lot: Free speech is fine as long as you say what I want.

How could you forget, monsters?

Almost everyone on MN is clinically extremely vulnerable.

And if you're eating and happen to be overweight it's not eating, it's scoffing or gorging

I've got one based on a recent thread. If you don't tell your overweight friend that's she's fat and will die, you're a bad friend. If she talks about body positivity she needs to shut up and focus on being fat.

Bonfires are evil. Not one single person likes them and if you do, you too are evil**

I agree with that one. A fire risk at worst, antisocial at worst. Go to the tip, get a composter or subscribe to a garden waste collection.