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Original poster

Absolutely fekkin fuming

394 replies

almondflake · 14/09/2024 01:47

We're Into the first day of a family holiday to Mexico with our daughter, her boyfriend and another couple .
It took us hours to get here and after a decent nights sleep , daughters boyfriend has had too much to drink and kicked off big time , storming round the hotel then kicking the hotel room door in . Luckily the hotel have not called the police , we've paid for the door , my husband has taken the boyfriend away to sober up , I'm sat in my hotel room with a distraught daughter .we're hoping to get him on a flight home tomorrow as he can't stay here , I'm absolutely furious with him, he's 24 and he's blaming it all on our daughter .
I'm not looking for solutions just venting really .

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 14/09/2024 09:09

Surely safest is to get him another room in another hotel.

All back on sane flight. Move daughters stuff out and get cat.

I assume hotel room is cheaper than a brand new flight. And huge risk of all her stuff being destroyed if he is sent home first.

pictoosh · 14/09/2024 09:11

Ugh what an absolute twat. Fancy carrying on like that in full view of your partner's family. There are only two reasons for that; he doesn't give a toss what any of you think of him, or he can't behave. Both are a bold red flag.

Would be interested to know how this one pans out. Your poor daughter.

EdithBond · 14/09/2024 09:17

Blimey, what a start to a holiday! The difficult bit will be if he refuses to do the decent thing and go home. If the hotel has already said he can stay if he doesn’t drink, then it could be awkward if he digs his heels in. But, if you have a rep, they might be willing to offer a spare room to your daughter, given the violent behaviour.

Is it possible he’s a recovering alcoholic? Why hasn’t he been working? Has he had mental health problems? Complaining he has to throw away the cat litter sounds like he’s struggling to get things in perspective.

It should be a red line for your daughter though. One a man’s shown he’s capable of being that uncontrollably violent, it’s not safe to stay with him.

LetsSeeHowFarWeveCome · 14/09/2024 09:18

I'd quietly ask the hotel to 'require him to go' so you can force him out of the holiday with you and your daughter.

He's an abusive cocklodger and I hope your daughter finally sees that now and dumps him. She may be out of all her 'stuff' though as he'll likely go home and destroy it.

loulouljh · 14/09/2024 09:19

Your poor daughter..think the very long flight would be good for him to think over the error of his ways.

ProjectsGalore · 14/09/2024 09:20

What does your daughter want to happen?

Lemonbell · 14/09/2024 09:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MonsteraMama · 14/09/2024 09:20

Will the reps move him to another room? I'm not convinced sending an abusive, violent wanker home to have free reign over their home and cat is a good idea. She might well come back to all her things destroyed and her cat gone.

meteow · 14/09/2024 09:21

Sounds like he can't handle his drink, and quite clearly would be the case if he doesn't normally drink !
I think a serious talk in the morning would be best once he's sober as this behaviour is disgusting but ultimately it's what your daughter wants to do about it isn't it.
I think alcohol is the devil and I don't drink myself, when younger I've done some stupid things when drunk but I'm not in any way that kind of person sober

Changingplace · 14/09/2024 09:22

kkloo · 14/09/2024 04:50

I can't see him agreeing to go home if there's 3 stopovers and it takes 54 hours.

Show quote history

I’d not give him a choice, order him a taxi to the airport and send him on his way.

Changingplace · 14/09/2024 09:24

MonsteraMama · 14/09/2024 09:20

Will the reps move him to another room? I'm not convinced sending an abusive, violent wanker home to have free reign over their home and cat is a good idea. She might well come back to all her things destroyed and her cat gone.

Oh I’d not considered this :( agreed, where is the cat? If it’s at a cattery could a family member collect it and look after before he gets back?

Ouncesnow · 14/09/2024 09:24

Get him on the 54 hour flight home and use that time to get a friend or family member round to her house and take the cat, anything sentimental/of value.

letmego24 · 14/09/2024 09:27

That's absolutely terrible behaviour. Surely never to be forgiven.

meteow · 14/09/2024 09:28

@Changingplace But this is a grown man, op doesn't own the hotel, she also can't force the hotel to make someone leave. I'm not sure why everyone thinks they can force someone to do something?
I'm guessing once the alcohol wears off he will want to speak to dd.

I'm not condoning what he's done either, he sounds like a dick but no one can force dd or her bf to do anything, ultimately it'll be DD's decision

rainbowstardrops · 14/09/2024 09:34

Bloody hell, I'd be fuming too! I'll hazard a guess that he'll wake up this morning full of apologies and bullshit and saying he doesn't remember anything. Hopefully your DD won't fall for it.
Do they live together?

GingerPirate · 14/09/2024 09:36

What a piece of 💩.
Your daughter is lucky to have you.
Get her away from him (and the animal, too).
Use your fuming to do practical stuff (I usually try that).
😊

Doltontweedle · 14/09/2024 09:40

I’d 100% arrange for the hotel to say he was getting kicked out, and put him on that cheapest flight

BarbedButterfly · 14/09/2024 09:44

Obviously this isn't acceptable but be careful what advice you take here. Don't change the locks if they are renting or own and his name is on the lease. That will not have a good outcome.

You cannot take his cards and money while he is asleep ffs.

Book him a normal flight as it makes it more likely he will leave. He is going to see what the journey is like and likely refuse to go. Also he may refuse to go anyway. If hotel says he can stay you can't kick him out.

Just do whatever you have to do to get through and sort everything out properly and legally at home.

Cherrysoup · 14/09/2024 09:45

No way would I pay for the expensive flight, stick him on the cheap has to change 3 times route, fuck him, he deserves the trauma. Wanker.

ClockwiseHoneysuckle · 14/09/2024 09:48

Book him a normal flight as it makes it more likely he will leave. He is going to see what the journey is like and likely refuse to go. Also he may refuse to go anyway. If hotel says he can stay you can't kick him out.

Surely OP can kick him out of the room she is paying for? It's up to him then whether he wants to pay for another.

awaynboilyurheid · 14/09/2024 09:51

LAMPS1 · 14/09/2024 05:24

When he’s sober again, he will do/ say everything he can to keep the blame on your dd
And he will do/say everything he can to continue the holiday, including pretending to be sorry and promising it will never happen again.

Your distraught daughter will be wishing this incident never happened and may wish she could just go back to covering up for him instead of facing the truth.. She faces a rotten holiday whatever happens.

Your best bet is taking all cash, cards and phone off him while he is still sleeping so that he can’t go elsewhere for alcohol and is dependent on you for everything. You could tell him that his phone and bank cards are with the hotel along with his passport.

When he wakes up, he needs to be made to understand how close he came and how close he still is, to being in a Mexican police cell with all the implications of how things could be for him under the watch of the corrupt police who operate by brute force, not by justice and protection. I hope you can manage to persuade him that his best bet is to get out of the country as soon as it can be arranged before the hotel management decide to press charges….to get on the next flight home by telling him how lucky an escape he has had so far, because of your willingness to help him while you still can. It’s the last thing he will want to face up to doing and of course you risk paying out your holiday cash for the flight, - but him not getting on it. If he does go awol, you would need the help and advice of your country’s embassy or consulate.

You and your DH sound like a lovely, caring couple. I’m really sorry this has happened. It’s scary and very distressing all round.
I hope you can manage to contain him and persuade him to go home for his own safety. And then to use the holiday to persuade your dd never to get back with him.

Good luck with it all.

Great advice, in meantime try to keep him away from your daughter with his meaningless “ apologies” and tell him to clear out his stuff and go once he’s home and before you all get back This will help make a clean break from your daughter who has to kind a heart and might start covering up for him again. Pay whatever it takes to get him on a flight.

Helpnifoseeker · 14/09/2024 09:54

almondflake · 14/09/2024 04:12

In answer to a previous question , the hotel are willing to let him stay but have taken his wrist band off him and given him a no alcohol one and have said any other bad behaviour or violence they will call the police .
I still want him gone tomorrow if it can be arranged. We'll have to speak to the rep tomorrow , it's 10pm here , as looking at one way flights back home are costing around £800 . The cheapest one was about £350 but would take 54 hours with 3 stopovers which might serve him right to be honest .

I think putting him on the cheapest flight would be justice OP! It's not just his aggressive, destructive outburst that's unacceptable, it's the way he's ponced off your DD and she's slogged her guts out to pay for him to go on holiday AND then, to top it all, he has the thundering cheek to blame HER! I really do not like that at all OP because it's a sign of a bad character, the blaming of one's victim for abusing them, and he HAS been abusing her covertly, now overtly and abusing yourself and your DH as well!
That cheap flight is the least punishment he deserves, and ye should not be having to spend so much as another penny on that low life, never mind £100s! Put him on it, it might teach him a lesson and I agree it'd have been better if the police had been called and he'd spent the night in a cell, rather than a hotel! He's a disgrace!
Sending hugs to your DD, ! Thank God yourself and her DF are with her and she didn't go there on her own with that excuse for a man!

PorridgeIsNotSlimmingTheWayIMakeIt · 14/09/2024 09:54

How is he now that he is sober?

Does he recognise how out of order he was, and apologise sincerely?

I'm just thinking that although you must be keen to see the back of him, there's a risk that your daughter could spend the rest of the holiday pining for him and wondering "what if" ... whereas having him with you gives you all a chance to thrash out a few things in daylight, including his lifestyle back home.

Doggymummar · 14/09/2024 09:55

He's an adult so you can't really make him do anything. I would speak to the Hotel and ask them to ban him and make it known he is on his own. No money nothing. Appealing to his better nature? Does he have one. ? Twat

Planesmistakenforstars · 14/09/2024 09:58

While I’m not a believer in in vino veritas, someone doesn’t escalate to this level of aggression unless it’s who they are. I know you want him to go home, but if I were your daughter I would not want a potentially violent, volatile man who blames me for his behaviour in my home with access to my stuff for the next week at least, knowing that the relationship might be over. I’m sorry OP I don’t think there is a good solution to this. Your poor daughter.