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Original poster

Absolutely fekkin fuming

394 replies

almondflake · 14/09/2024 01:47

We're Into the first day of a family holiday to Mexico with our daughter, her boyfriend and another couple .
It took us hours to get here and after a decent nights sleep , daughters boyfriend has had too much to drink and kicked off big time , storming round the hotel then kicking the hotel room door in . Luckily the hotel have not called the police , we've paid for the door , my husband has taken the boyfriend away to sober up , I'm sat in my hotel room with a distraught daughter .we're hoping to get him on a flight home tomorrow as he can't stay here , I'm absolutely furious with him, he's 24 and he's blaming it all on our daughter .
I'm not looking for solutions just venting really .

OP posts:
ratherbesurfing · 14/09/2024 06:52

almondflake · 14/09/2024 04:12

In answer to a previous question , the hotel are willing to let him stay but have taken his wrist band off him and given him a no alcohol one and have said any other bad behaviour or violence they will call the police .
I still want him gone tomorrow if it can be arranged. We'll have to speak to the rep tomorrow , it's 10pm here , as looking at one way flights back home are costing around £800 . The cheapest one was about £350 but would take 54 hours with 3 stopovers which might serve him right to be honest .

The 54 hour one sounds perfect for him. He’s an absolute cunt and she’s lucky to have you both.

PattiSmithsPattis · 14/09/2024 06:53

This is so sad to read.
I have experience in my family of a fuckwit such as this.
Unfortunately when they are this bold about it , guaranteed this is not his first offence. The fact he is willing to behave like this in front of his girlfriends parents (& assume not only that they'll pick up up the tab for damages but that they will listen and accept somehow it's their daughters fault 😳) tells you everything you need to know.
Yes to sending him home. If you have family at home, get them to change the lock where your daughter lives if that is legally possible too (before he gets there) and definitely don't feel bad about the 3 flight trip back.
Little prick.

ThelmaAndWuleeze · 14/09/2024 06:54

Another vote for book the cheaper flight.
Just don't tell him it'll take 54 hours...
He could use that time to sober up and reflect on his behaviour.

Growsomeballswoman · 14/09/2024 06:58

do they live together. I'd be prepared for what he will do with her stuff and the cat before she gets home.

Lifeasweknowitisrandom · 14/09/2024 07:00

Hope you get rid of him today and hope your DD gets rid of him permanently

MayFairSquare · 14/09/2024 07:02

*... no way is this the first time he's behaved like a total cunt.

She's just been hiding it from you because she knows its wrong, she knows you'll be unhappy about it and she feels foolish for getting sucked in by him*

Absolutely. It's hard to believe that he's never put a foot wrong before and he doesn't drink. All this cat litter tray stuff will be the tip of the iceberg.

ratherbesurfing · 14/09/2024 07:06

On a less reactive note, in case your daughter reads this thread. At her age I was in a long term relationship with someone like this. He didn’t work but had expensive tastes and I felt like I had to bank roll him because somehow he’d convinced me that was the normal thing to do. He would get angry and blame me for it, he had me convinced I was fat and stupid and I walked on egg shells to try and keep him happy because I believed him when he said I was the problem. He threw something at me and split my lip open. I still stayed. I wasted 7 years of my life on him and left the relationship skint, with nothing but a bag of clothes. The minute I stepped out from his shadow that stuff started to change. I’ve been out of it 25 years now and life is so much better.

If OP’s daughter is reading this, let him go. Don’t feel bad, he’s done you a favour to show this side of himself and give you an opportunity to tell your mum what’s really going on. Pack his bag, let your dad get him on the flight and don’t look back. Sounds like your parents have your back, let them look out for you and enjoy your future without these leech.

sleepwithblanket · 14/09/2024 07:08

ratherbesurfing · 14/09/2024 07:06

On a less reactive note, in case your daughter reads this thread. At her age I was in a long term relationship with someone like this. He didn’t work but had expensive tastes and I felt like I had to bank roll him because somehow he’d convinced me that was the normal thing to do. He would get angry and blame me for it, he had me convinced I was fat and stupid and I walked on egg shells to try and keep him happy because I believed him when he said I was the problem. He threw something at me and split my lip open. I still stayed. I wasted 7 years of my life on him and left the relationship skint, with nothing but a bag of clothes. The minute I stepped out from his shadow that stuff started to change. I’ve been out of it 25 years now and life is so much better.

If OP’s daughter is reading this, let him go. Don’t feel bad, he’s done you a favour to show this side of himself and give you an opportunity to tell your mum what’s really going on. Pack his bag, let your dad get him on the flight and don’t look back. Sounds like your parents have your back, let them look out for you and enjoy your future without these leech.

I absolutely agree with this,

LizzieSiddal · 14/09/2024 07:09

I really hope your DD sees the light and finishes with him.

Beesandhoney123 · 14/09/2024 07:09

Sounds like he had you and your husband fooled too, as he sounds a long term partner. Your dd is lucky it's out in the open and there are no dc. Poor girl and poor you guys. Still, fool me once and all that. You're all going to have to toughen up to deal with this man.

He sounds really awful. Why were you so quick to pay for the damage? You and your dh could have watched him pull every lying trick to get you or your your dd to pay. Then watched him.board a plane or slow boat out.

As it is, you can't make him.leave or get on a plane. He is already back in a bedroom in a nice comfy bed. How did this even happen? Your dh must be a saint, I eould have expected him to have threatened him and dumped him at the airport pdq. He will.try and get dd alone to 'talk' ie bully her.

Strongly suggest your dd blocks him or let's you have her phone to show her how to react and behave.

Get thr fucker OUT of bed. Drop him at the airport. Tell.him the only way you'll get him home is he gets on a flight now. Get him on the 54hr one, just don't tell him. Cancel his stay at the hotel. Call his parents to deal with him. Don't tell him just do it.

That gives you time to make arrangements. Get the cat to a cattery. Get a friend of yours to take anything dd cares about/ value away.
Change the locks.

Does dd rent? Suggest she gives notice and doesn't move back there ever. She is a sitting duck. Better to move home, start again.

renomeno · 14/09/2024 07:13

As @OhNotAgainTimothy said, I'd be concerned about him going home to empty houses, yours or theirs (if they live together) Not sure what the alternative is, keeping him there, but with no alcohol?
It would be horrid to get back and find he'd caused damage to your home...

PolePrince55 · 14/09/2024 07:15

almondflake · 14/09/2024 02:00

Thanks for your kind words . I've just found out that she's paid for this holiday , he's not paid a penny towards it , she's been covering for him saying that he's been working while he's been dossing at home , so bless her she's kept him for the past year working all hours at a shop to pay for this he's only had a job for the past two months .

Keep her away from him when they get home 😩

MoreCardassianThanKardashian · 14/09/2024 07:19

Oh I'm so sorry OP! I imagine this is a blessing in disguise that it happened with you around. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship. With your support, and some time in Mexico, it will be much easier to leave. He sounds like he's been living a life of Riley and has messed it all up because he can't handle an all inclusive. What an absolute prick.

My concern is what he will do if he goes home alone to their shared accommodation. Does she have anything he could damage like the cat? or cause more upset for her? Can she remove herself from the tenancy?

Wishing your daughter the very best. It's a lot to go through and I hope she can still enjoy Mexico Flowers

Theraffarian · 14/09/2024 07:21

OP I only ask because the fact he complained about him having to clean the litter tray was a specifically odd thing to bring up , and I certainly don’t expect you to put the answer on here . However could your daughter possibly be expecting , as it’s common to not deal with the litter tray then and also a trigger point for some men . Really I just mention it in case your daughter needs even more support , and I hope you don’t mind me suggesting it .

Skyrainlight · 14/09/2024 07:22

almondflake · 14/09/2024 04:12

In answer to a previous question , the hotel are willing to let him stay but have taken his wrist band off him and given him a no alcohol one and have said any other bad behaviour or violence they will call the police .
I still want him gone tomorrow if it can be arranged. We'll have to speak to the rep tomorrow , it's 10pm here , as looking at one way flights back home are costing around £800 . The cheapest one was about £350 but would take 54 hours with 3 stopovers which might serve him right to be honest .

I would definitely get the cheapest flight. It's less punishment than he deserves. I would be very concerned if your daughter gets back together with him because him blaming it all on her is a huge red flag and it could end very badly.

HonoraBridge · 14/09/2024 07:23

almondflake · 14/09/2024 02:00

Thanks for your kind words . I've just found out that she's paid for this holiday , he's not paid a penny towards it , she's been covering for him saying that he's been working while he's been dossing at home , so bless her she's kept him for the past year working all hours at a shop to pay for this he's only had a job for the past two months .

Your daughter has been used and that idiot is a dangerous layabout. She needs to drop him immediately.

CEARTA · 14/09/2024 07:26

He has to go home. He sounds like an abusive guy - dossing at home and allowing your daughter to pay for everything and feel he has to kid about it, then getting paralytic and blaming her for his actions. What else is going on, really? Or yet to come? I hope your DD tells him to get to fuck.

Bogeyes · 14/09/2024 07:26

He sounds like an immature selfish child...or is it drugs?

FrostFlowers2025 · 14/09/2024 07:27

almondflake · 14/09/2024 04:12

In answer to a previous question , the hotel are willing to let him stay but have taken his wrist band off him and given him a no alcohol one and have said any other bad behaviour or violence they will call the police .
I still want him gone tomorrow if it can be arranged. We'll have to speak to the rep tomorrow , it's 10pm here , as looking at one way flights back home are costing around £800 . The cheapest one was about £350 but would take 54 hours with 3 stopovers which might serve him right to be honest .

Why not just let the hotel have him arrested? You daughter going out of her way to arrange this for him was really nice of her and look at how he "repaid" her kindness? I would just cut him lose and see what happens when he is not being protected from his abusive behavior.

ratherbesurfing · 14/09/2024 07:28

Bogeyes · 14/09/2024 07:26

He sounds like an immature selfish child...or is it drugs?

The two aren’t mutually exclusive 😉

CagneyAndLazy · 14/09/2024 07:36

Why the fuck is it being made in any way your responsibility to arrange, let alone pay for(!) a violent abusive man to go home?!

He deserves all he gets, ffs!

(You're an absolute saint for even thinking about helping him, OP. I do hope you manage to salvage some semblance of an enjoyable holiday from this and that your DD can move on.)

RuggedHairyTortoise · 14/09/2024 07:38

I read it as the man does not have any money and this is the most efficient way to get rid, which is clearly the desired outcome.

I'm still worried about the DDs possessions and cat though.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/09/2024 07:51

Gettingbysomehow · 14/09/2024 06:34

This prick sponging off a woman then violence, then blaming her for the violence. No remorse. He is a classic abuser.
I ended up in a refuge because of a man like this.
You absolutely must persuade her not to go back to him.

This ^
Your daughter needs to be supported with her self esteem and putting boundaries in place to dump his arse

cartagenagina · 14/09/2024 07:55

Nope.

£350 shit flight home.

Hopefully DD will get some self esteem back before she goes home and dumps him.

I have been ridiculously drunk and never behaved like that. Most people have. This is who he is.

Funnywonder · 14/09/2024 07:56

What a shame that it took a freeloading trip across the world and a display of drunken violence for your daughter to see this pathetic specimen of a man for what he truly is. I really do feel for her🙁 And of course you and your husband. I hope you at least manage to salvage the rest of your holiday out of this mess.