My dad is ill and I don’t know what to do

[SadGirlAutumn]

I live in Scotland for work and my parents live in Cornwall.

Two weeks ago my dad had a bit of an upset stomach. My mum brushed it off as nothing serious and bought him some Immodium. After 3 or 4 days, I called her to check how he was, he was still poorly so I asked if she'd rung the doctors. She said no.

About a week in, I said again, she should ring the doctors. Immodium was doing nothing. She said no, again, that it would work itself out.

After 10 days, she called the doctors who said he should have flat coke, some Immodium and it'll go away. He has done some tests at the doctors and they've basically shrugged, said it's not E-Coli. and to keep doing what he's doing. They said if it's anything, it's gastroenteritis but that makes 0 sense as my mum hasn't caught it.

It didn't so I came home last night to try and help out.

My dad hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. He's lost 40 pounds. Water makes him sick. He is going to the toilet at least 10 times an hour. The doctors don't want anything to do with him. He's being sick, nothing is coming up anymore because his system is totally empty. He can barely keep his eyes open. 111 has sent a doctor but it's "low priority" and they don't know what time they'll be here. He won't get in the car to go to hospital and between me and my mum we can't get him down, 111 said not to call 999 as he's already in the system.

I'm only 25. I'm so scared. I don’t know what I can do. He can't keep anything down and nobody wants to help us.

Literally no member of the NHS asked for “claps”. It was something that made people who weren’t on the front line feel like they were doing something when they were helpless and was a lovely distraction against the government being shit.

I love how your post suggests staff were somehow ungrateful for this piece of nothing.

OP I hope your dad is getting the care he now needs and you did the right thing.

I live on the East Sussex coast and it's impossible to ring my doctor's surgery. All calls go to a call centre in Manchester!

OP, I hope your dad gets the treatment he needs, it's nothing serious and he's soon on the mend.

He's arrived at A&E but he's sat outside in the ambulance. I'm assuming (hoping) this is a sign that they aren't overly worried, but him being sat there does worry me

Take absolutely no notice of 111. Ring 999 now and ask for an ambulance. Tell them he’s struggling to stay conscious, and as other posters have said, that he has an aortic aneurysm and you’re afraid it will rupture. He needs treatment as a priority and so far he’s been fobbed off. It’s disgusting.

The nhs can be wonderful if your actively dieing. Preventing you from getting to stage of dieing? Not so much

Sorry - didn’t see your update. Glad he’s in A&E. My mum was in an ambulance for half a day waiting to get into A&E because they’re overstretched. Even so, he’s better off in an ambulance where he’ll be triaged and emergency help is available if needed. I do hope things turn out OK.

Very pleased he has been taken in. Please try and have a decent rest. He sounds like he’s very ill, but with decent chance of recovery. When my dh had an ambulance over for severe dehydration (amongst other things) they put a drip in him and he perked up amazingly within about 10 minutes

when I was in hospital recently it was quite clear that basically it’s people that shout the loudest who get seen. So those who can’t or won’t make a fuss need younger relatives to do it for them, it’s tragic

As cruel as it is I think you need to be the boss here and tell him that he has to go. Call others to help you get him there. You'll regret it if he dies because you weren't able to get him out of the door. Best of luck and hope he gets better soon xx

I'm so sorry. It's horrible when your worries are dismissed like that. The medical profession is so blase sometimes.

Fingers crossed it's something that can be helped easily and your dad is going to be ok. 🙏

Sorry, only read the first page and didn't realise he had been taken in- well done. Fingers crossed he gets treated soon x

I'm not suggesting anyone was ungrateful in anyway.
But these people in the NHS that automatically dismiss peoples concerns are representative of what goes on everyday to lots of people they miss things they ignore things then people don't get the medical help they need.
Glad the OP got sorted.

I hope your df gets seen quickly op.

In this position in future I would call out a private gp. They will have much more sway with the ambulance service.

I only have access to one for myself, with his medical conditions I don't think my dad would be able to pay for private insurance

He's alright waiting in the ambulance, it's a private space and he can lay down, so better than the waiting room. They will have gotten some fluids into him/be currently doing so and that's the most urgent thing for him. The rest is tests and investigation which takes time and needs a bed elsewhere in the hospital. Well done for going home and getting 111 to send out a Dr.

Have you posted on the wrong thread @MissCatLady as what you have written makes no sense in relation to this thread?

@MissCatLady you've posted on the wrong thread.

He'd 3rd in the queue, no idea what that means but he won't be seen any time soon

Well done and wishing you all the best @SadGirlAutumn

Perhaps because they risked their lives with a new, unknown contagious disease to save others whilst the majority isolated safe at home? Perhaps because many of them died in their service to others whilst also being paid poorly?

So sad to see such disrespect so soon after the chaos and fear of the pandemic. I lost colleagues during the first wave and will never forgive people for forgetting their sacrifice.

I'm so, so very sorry for your losses and understand how hard it was in the pandemic.

However that doesn't excuse the breakdown in care

There's no disrespect at all you and others are taking it out of the context its meant, I mentioned nothing about the 'pandemic'.
We all lost people we loved we all had to stay at home and miss funerals of loved ones.
You're missing the fact that there are many people who choose to work in the medical profession that treat their patients like another number and an inconvenience to their day it's as simple as that and that's exactly what happened here.

Unfortunately Cornwall has a terrible reputation for slow admission from ambulance, but the old thing about being glad you're not the priority in A&E is true. He's been poorly for a fortnight, he's now under direct supervision of the paramedics and they have started treatment, if anyone thought there was an immediate need for action he'd be in. Things are moving in the right direction. (I'm not denying this should all have happened days or weeks ago).

Try not to catastrophise - I know you're worried about cancer, but he may have something very treatable, an infection, or a blockage, a hernia. Bathroom cleaning is very cathartic. Wishing your dad the best.

You said to remind you why people clapped. People clapped during the pandemic for the reasons I stated.

I’m not missing any fact. The vast vast majority of health care workers do their best for their patients. They are massively constrained by the system we work in and the lack of resources.

It’s so easy to blame the front line workers when the problems are much more complex. If you spent a day shadowing some of us, I don’t think you’d hold the same opinions.

There will of course be some people that are just not good at their job but that’s the same in any field. 111 telephone handlers aren’t medically trained. They follow a script laid out to them by managers high up in NHS England. They get thousands of calls from worried relatives a day and I bet my health that the majority of them are doing the best with the information and procedures that they have been told to follow. They cannot tell everyone to go to A&E or the departments would collapse further. Doctors and nurses in A&E actually think that 111 handlers send them too many patients inappropriately.

Just be mindful of the way comments like yours come across. Asking why people clapped feels very disrespectful to those that are trying their best and those lost during that time.

Terrible. There's no hope if there isn't serious investment in the NHS soon. I hope your dad gets all the help he needs.