My dad is ill and I don’t know what to do

[SadGirlAutumn]

I live in Scotland for work and my parents live in Cornwall.

Two weeks ago my dad had a bit of an upset stomach. My mum brushed it off as nothing serious and bought him some Immodium. After 3 or 4 days, I called her to check how he was, he was still poorly so I asked if she'd rung the doctors. She said no.

About a week in, I said again, she should ring the doctors. Immodium was doing nothing. She said no, again, that it would work itself out.

After 10 days, she called the doctors who said he should have flat coke, some Immodium and it'll go away. He has done some tests at the doctors and they've basically shrugged, said it's not E-Coli. and to keep doing what he's doing. They said if it's anything, it's gastroenteritis but that makes 0 sense as my mum hasn't caught it.

It didn't so I came home last night to try and help out.

My dad hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. He's lost 40 pounds. Water makes him sick. He is going to the toilet at least 10 times an hour. The doctors don't want anything to do with him. He's being sick, nothing is coming up anymore because his system is totally empty. He can barely keep his eyes open. 111 has sent a doctor but it's "low priority" and they don't know what time they'll be here. He won't get in the car to go to hospital and between me and my mum we can't get him down, 111 said not to call 999 as he's already in the system.

I'm only 25. I'm so scared. I don’t know what I can do. He can't keep anything down and nobody wants to help us.

Agree. I had a preliminary diagnosis of breast cancer from a routine mammogram but had to wait for further checks in the form of biopsies and MRI scan to confirm. And because the tumour was over a certain size, had to have a full body CT to check that none of the cells had broken away to form tumours elsewhere. If they are not checks for cancer, I don’t know what are !!

I totally sympathise with the Op. My dad went into A&E at 7.30pm with difficulty breathing and pain in abdomen . They said he had an infection but didn’t know where. His stomach was VERY distended and it was obvious something was going on in his abdomen. They said they were going to send him for a scan of his abdomen but didn’t. He had a chest X-ray and after that NOTHING happened until he became unconscious. He eventually got a CT scan that told them he had a perforation somewhere. They again and again asked me what his quality of life was and I kept telling them he had a good quality of life. I felt they were looking for reasons to let him die. I had to virtually beg them to operate and try and save him. He died after the operation. I complained about his care and was told he did not fit the criteria to have a CT scan in A &E (they denied saying they were going to send him for one but I definitely heard it) and when I asked to see the protocol they said there wasn’t one. The doctor wrote Morphine on his prescription but he did not get it (they admitted this) so dad was lying there in agony until he became unconscious. He asked to be put to sleep because he couldn’t cope with the pain and the nurse literally laughed in my face! Afterwards he had died at a meeting I was told dad had sepsis and they knew this at 9pm. So for 1.5 hrs they just left him to die. Solicitors have told me that they believe it was negligence but because his life was not worth much money due to his age/no dependents etc they wouldn’t take the case. So I have to live with the guilt I didn’t do more on the night but they told me nothing so I assumed it wasn’t that serious. So the Op is right to believe the hospital could have been sending her dad home to die because it DOES happen, hospitals are actively allowing old people to die. Why do old people say they don’t want to to into hospital? It’s because they know it’s unlikely they will come out. For what it’s worth I work for the nhs.

Of course there are checks for cancer…,ridiculous to say otherwise…..scans show cancer….an experienced consultant will know if something looks suspicious and then whether it is cancer or not ( a biopsy then confirms) ….my consultant told me after an ultrasound that I had 99% got had cancer…he could even see what subtype from its presentation….we are in 2024 PP

What people are trying to get across to you is that there isn't one simple, single test just for cancer.

There's a single test for a lot of diseases, but cancer isn't one of them.

A diagnosis of cancer can only be made after a careful medical history is taken, and other things ruled out first.

I'm so sorry for your experience and ultimately the loss of your father. Please don't feel any guilt, you did what you thought was right, and that's all we can do.

However, your dad's case is not the same as the OPs dad's. The only definite thing they have in common is they are both adult males. The other is that they were both assessed and diagnosed. Unfortunately your father's diagnosis was not treated correctly, but at the moment it seems the OPs father's treatment of fluids and rest seems to be working well - not at all a case of "sending old people home to die".

Hmm. He had a clear colonoscopy a year ago. Its probably why they're slow to give him another one. If he is still getting worse at home, he shouldn't be slow in going back to a&e. When they see him arriving again for the same complaint they'll probably investigate further. The ultrasound might show up something (keep mentioning it to the gp if theres a waiting list) and if not, an endoscope and another colonoscopy might be in order. Bloods and that are clear. That's very good anyway. His body is fighting it for now anyway, whatever is causing it

Please take your dad to A&E and also give him dioralyte or similar hydration product.

Read the thread
He’s been to hospital, been rehydrated and is back home.

Don't forget he's eaten a jacket potato also.

How is he today @SadGirlAutumn?

How is.your dad.today OP?.And you and your mum too?

There's a strong correlation between people who don't read more than the OP, and people who quote the entire OP.

😂indeed!

How is he doing today?

Just been checking your updates and as disgusted as I was to see your poorly dad being discharged from hospital with a “just see if it gets worse” attitude from the staff, I then saw he’d asked for a baked potato and managed to keep down a bit of food, so that’s promising, right?!
He has the best person beside him to help him with getting well and getting the treatment he need (i mean YOU, of course!) He is very lucky to have you doing everything you can, pushing for the right care, asking the right questions, doing your research etc.
Certainly not easy on you, though, and I hope you can find a little respite - fingers crossed he will be back to his old self in no time and this will all be like a bad dream.
Wishing you all the very best, and a speedy recovery to your father 💗

@Taluulaah you were disgusted that someone was treated, assessed and who improved was discharged home? Your disgust is misplaced.

Extraordinary. He was discharged - I'm guessing sitting up and joking with medical staff and engaging in comedy with face masks may have been an indicator that he wasn't critically ill.
Is there any evidence that the medical staff didn't do all the appropriate checks, @Taluulaah ?.

How is he now? I hope okay.

Exactly!

Don't be scared. Don't suggest hospital, or take him to A&E. If he is elderly - a pensioner, think carefully before you take action that might make things worse. The elderly are not well received in hospitals.

Think about it: he is at home with people who love him, in his own bed, with his own bathroom, and tended by his loved ones. He will recover from this without intervention. In hospital he will be put in a ward with other elderly people, have to walk a long way to the only bathroom between them. There will not be enough staff on the ward to do him any useful good.

The doctor has prescribed for him. Give that a chance to work.

Why? Do you really think an overcrowded hospital ward is the best place for him? Even if he is not elderly, they cannot help him more than the GP.

I don't know why people send their elderly friends and relatives into hospital, to wait on trolleys for attention, picking up everyone else's germs.

In hospital he will share a ward with 3 others, and the toilet will be at the end of a long walk, and he will want to go again as soon as he gets back. His own comfortable bed is ten times better than a hospital bed, and his toilet is not a long way at home.

RTFT

The chest xray will be to check for lung cancer or intestinal cancer. Did you get any diagnosis yet? Hope he's OK.

999 now. Who cares if he’s in the system, they’ve said he’s low priority which doesn’t fit the situation right now. Get someone to your house asap. From everything you’ve said I’m 99% sure they’ll blue light him to the hospital for urgent care.

He's home and recovering/dying