My dad is ill and I don’t know what to do

[SadGirlAutumn]

I live in Scotland for work and my parents live in Cornwall.

Two weeks ago my dad had a bit of an upset stomach. My mum brushed it off as nothing serious and bought him some Immodium. After 3 or 4 days, I called her to check how he was, he was still poorly so I asked if she'd rung the doctors. She said no.

About a week in, I said again, she should ring the doctors. Immodium was doing nothing. She said no, again, that it would work itself out.

After 10 days, she called the doctors who said he should have flat coke, some Immodium and it'll go away. He has done some tests at the doctors and they've basically shrugged, said it's not E-Coli. and to keep doing what he's doing. They said if it's anything, it's gastroenteritis but that makes 0 sense as my mum hasn't caught it.

It didn't so I came home last night to try and help out.

My dad hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. He's lost 40 pounds. Water makes him sick. He is going to the toilet at least 10 times an hour. The doctors don't want anything to do with him. He's being sick, nothing is coming up anymore because his system is totally empty. He can barely keep his eyes open. 111 has sent a doctor but it's "low priority" and they don't know what time they'll be here. He won't get in the car to go to hospital and between me and my mum we can't get him down, 111 said not to call 999 as he's already in the system.

I'm only 25. I'm so scared. I don’t know what I can do. He can't keep anything down and nobody wants to help us.

ok.not sure i would either, but would result in someone attending quicker so if as terrified as you sounded, i might.
His condition sounded wful and your title to post.
Im glad hes been seen and on way admissions.
You probably are still wound tho. Waiting is an awful shift. re there practical things you can do in house.Strip bed, get washings on?deep clean bathroom. Make a dinner for when mum comes home?

If ring 999.

111 are crap, ignore them.

So relieved to hear he's been taken in. Hope he is sorted soon and you are able to visit.
Big hugs 🤗

I'm about to deep clean the house (bathrooms especially!), get some food on to slow cook and get all the washing done

Sorry it wasn't showing any more posts when I write that (my phone & MN seem to be in some kind of war)

thank hid they've taken him in! He's in the best place, whatever's going on with him xx

let us know how he's getting on & take care of yourself & your Mum xx

ring 999, lie, says he's unconscious and you don't know if he is breathing - they will come out PDQ then.
If he hasn't eaten in 2 weeks and can't hold fluids he has only days to live, elderly go about 3-5 days without fluids, is its most certainly urgent and you need to get help to him.
Take everyone's name and anyone who refuses state that you will hold them personally responsible if harm comes to your dad - that's what I did with my dad with all the call handlers / receptionists. and they all jump to attention and get going when threatened.

You did a great job @SadGirlAutumn
Can a neighbour or friend give you a lift to the hospital later? Take some pjs, wash things, maybe a book for your dad?
Might be a good thing for you to be there as it sounds like your parents minimise. ( I had an aunt who was the same, nearly killed her. She thought she might get the bus to the GP the next day….. home help, bless her, called it in as an emergency and she was in hospital within an hour, she’d have been dead by the morning)

My mum has gone over with him, they didn't minimise to the paramedics so I will see how it goes - I get very agitated when they don't push for faster/better treatment so my mum doesn't like to have me there, I will see what she says before making arrangements to go over

He's been taken to hospital, they did put a drip in him before he got into the ambulance so I'm going to assume that's for fluids etc.?

He's on his way to hospital in the ambulance

It all just feels unfair, we'd just started to bond over Formula One, we were looking forward to the new football season together and he was so excited for Hamilton to Ferrari and now it seems like he's got something seriously wrong with him and he won't make it to see that

@SadGirlAutumn - practical things are always helpful.worrying is not-blast music if you need to distract your head. Sending love and best wishes x

Remember that NHS is just an advice line. The person cannot see and are going by the information that's given so can't get a true picture if the history is not accurate.

I would probably get a taxi and sit up A&E with food and a change of clothes for both your mum and dad.

What is happening to your dad is quite serious and if he deteriorates, at least you're at the right place.

Take note of the ward telephone number before you leave because if your dad is choosing to not give you the full picture, it is likely he will say he's ready for discharge when he isn't.

Handhold, OP. Keep yourself busy at home and hope all improves soon.

So sorry op, pleased somebody came to check him at least and that he is safe in hospital. It could literally be anything, so try not to overthink it until you know.

Woah OP, you don't know what's wrong yet let alone that this is curtains for him!

I get that you are, naturally, worried - but you've jumped straight to the very worst case scenario happening tomorrow!

Try a bit of positive thinking for your own sake.

Don't think like that OP. There are many things that could be wrong and most of them are treatable, but first he needs urgent medical attention and a diagnosis. I know it feels hopeless, but if your DF is ordinarily fit and well and not particularly old then the chances are he will recover. Hang in there - you've done a great job to get him admitted to hospital by being so insistent

You sound like a lovely daughter, and I really hope all goes well with your dad. So sad how long it took to get him help, but once he is in hospital he'll hopefully get the care he needs.
Try not to think the worst, not all lumps are sinister

Remind me why everyone clapped for the NHS?
Bloody ridiculous they can't tell it's not an emergency on the phone, just make him go to a&e they have to check him then, and don't take no for an answer you have to be strong yourself and stern with them.

I hope he's feeling better soon. Don't loose hope yet. There are lots and lots of things that could be wrong with him that are very treatable and being in hospital is the best thing for him.

Please try to stay positive and hopeful. It sounds like he was really ill but he's in the best place now - he's so lucky to have you, what a fantastic advocate you were for him.

He's (presumably) at A&E now, he got taken in an ambulance.

I'm utterly disillusioned by the NHS because they have massively let us all down in recent years but the emergency care is second to none

OP- I cannot get over how badly your family has been treated. It seems you have to fight for everything. Thank goodness you were able to get him the treatment he needs. Best wishes to you all.

Please make a complaint to 111! I don't say that loosely because I hate bothering them also, but it was deeply unfair for them to say that you were inconveniencing them and that the ambulance wouldn't come for 12 hours!!!! They need a serious talking to because your dad could easily have been dead!!!

It feels like this is always the way. I don’t know if it's because my parents are older (dad is 70) and they just don't care as much about them anymore