My dad is ill and I don’t know what to do

[SadGirlAutumn]

I live in Scotland for work and my parents live in Cornwall.

Two weeks ago my dad had a bit of an upset stomach. My mum brushed it off as nothing serious and bought him some Immodium. After 3 or 4 days, I called her to check how he was, he was still poorly so I asked if she'd rung the doctors. She said no.

About a week in, I said again, she should ring the doctors. Immodium was doing nothing. She said no, again, that it would work itself out.

After 10 days, she called the doctors who said he should have flat coke, some Immodium and it'll go away. He has done some tests at the doctors and they've basically shrugged, said it's not E-Coli. and to keep doing what he's doing. They said if it's anything, it's gastroenteritis but that makes 0 sense as my mum hasn't caught it.

It didn't so I came home last night to try and help out.

My dad hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. He's lost 40 pounds. Water makes him sick. He is going to the toilet at least 10 times an hour. The doctors don't want anything to do with him. He's being sick, nothing is coming up anymore because his system is totally empty. He can barely keep his eyes open. 111 has sent a doctor but it's "low priority" and they don't know what time they'll be here. He won't get in the car to go to hospital and between me and my mum we can't get him down, 111 said not to call 999 as he's already in the system.

I'm only 25. I'm so scared. I don’t know what I can do. He can't keep anything down and nobody wants to help us.

I’m sorry you’ve had a poor experience. I wasn't making any excuse, I was simply responding to the comment asking why people clapped.

The NHS has been past breaking point since the pandemic. It leads to countless excess deaths. Being a patient or a worried relative during this time is hard.

Just try not to lose sight of the fact that the frontline workers you interact with aren't so dissimilar from you and are often doing their best with the resources and training available to them.

That does not mean that poor care should not be called out though and I would encourage you to speak to PALS so that you can raise your concerns and that they can be addressed.

I'm so glad he's there and he is now in the care of paramedics.
Hopefully he will be seen quickly,and have all the tests he needs
Parts of Cornwall are remote and there is only one general hospital covering the county, which puts a strain on resources.
Even so, there should be more communication.
Personally I would feel fobbed off by the GPs dismissive attitude.
You are a lovely daughter.

Assuming the paramedics have started IV fluids, then your dad is already getting the best care.

I used to work for 111 as a registered nurse - the call handlers would pass the more serious calls over to us to triage. I can't believe a call handler told you NOT to go to A&E. At the very least, he or she should have discussed the call with their team leader.

I hope your dad is sorted and on the mend soon.

The NHS are under resourced, people are on their knees and leaving in droves.

Please think about changing your title. Posters are dealing with end of life care. This may not be the thread for them.

Agreed.

I hope he's getting the right care now or at least will be. Very similar happened to my MIL several trips to GPs and a couple of trips to A&E and they kept saying it was diverticulitis but she wasn't getting any better and had to keep going in.

She had to really pressure them (and family did) to actually do some CT scans as nothing was improving, unfortunately she was diagnosed with bowel cancer (she's OK now) not to worry you but just to make a point that keep being persistent either your mum/dad or yourselves if you're not happy with how things are being dealt.

Fingers crossed he's already getting some positive care.

He is in a safe place now. He will have a paramedic constantly monitoring him. They will be giving him fluid and pain relief is needed.

If possible take yourself outside for a walk or listen to comedy show while you keep yourself busy.

Then blame those people who've abused it for years and those who underfunded it and made it a political football. Not the fucking staff. Same to you @Tinkeebell

@Sciencestyle are you actually insane? If a person is unconscious and not breathing the op would have to give cpr. You're going to pretend someone is unconscious when another patient who actually is could die?! No wonder ambulance delays can be 12hrs +

anyway those saying 111 are crap don't seem to realise that they did actually send op the ambulance instead of 999.

Woah, I was never blaming the staff for the general state of the NHS.

However I do think the GP and 111 call handler in this case have been negligent

I hope it's something fixable OP.

I have always found 111 very hit and miss tbh and you often have to follow your gut instinct rather than listen to them. When my eldest was very tiny she got poorly, her breathing was off, she was quite lethargic and not crying normally. 111 told me that as I was a new mother I did not know my baby. Looking back I can't believe I listened to them. I took her to the GP next day who was FURIOUS that they hadn't sent anyone out as she was on the borderline of being admitted. Luckily she was fine but definitely taught me a lesson in advocating for my family. This was 9 years ago so sadly not a new thing.

Hope he’s ok. He’s in the safest place for him x

He's on fluids and been given some painkillers and anti sickness, he's going to be sent for a scan soon

He is probably 3rd in queue to be taken into AE. If he got worse they would escalate him. It's really scary when you are not there and relying on someone letting you know. He could have a hernia which has strangulated. That means it has popped through a weak area in the muscle and got stuck. Hope you are ok and able to speak to someone even us to keep you going.

I hope your DD is ok OP .it does sound like it could be hernia related .
i can understand why hospitals may hesitate to admit Noraviruse patients prematurely if there is no clinical need as it could spread round the hospital to other vulnerable patients?
When my DS was little he picked up a nasty d & V bug but he did get better without seeking drs just had to sit it out. A friend rushed her DS to children’s emergency department with the same symptoms. I guess we all have to do what we think is best.

I agree.

how do you know he is dying?

He’s lost 2.5 stone in two weeks?!

Yep :( it's absolutely awful

OP I hope he gets the support and treatment he needs now. Trust no one with this sort of thing - ask your mum to take pics of his observations so you have a proper baseline. The potential to be fobbed off, things missed etc is high.

They're waiting for his bloods to come back, I'm hoping they'll send him for a scan just to check out his potential hernia

OP it sounds so similar to a close relative of mine last year. After a week in hospital they finally did a colonoscopy and diagnosed a form of colitis. Once they were on the right medicines they were released within about 5 days and recovered very well.

Once admitted they were given anti sickness meds which stopped the vomitting although the diarrhoea continued until the right diagnosis was made. The key part was they got them on lots of iv fluids and vitamin/mineral treatments and their key levels improved very quickly.

The key thing is your Dad is in hospital now and once they’ve got his bloods done they can start to treat him. I really hope he has a similar outcome to my relative.

I was panicking. He's not eaten in 10 days, keeping no food and water down and could not stay away. Even now at the hospital he's barely conscious.