Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My dad is ill and I don’t know what to do

494 replies

SadGirlAutumn · 07/09/2024 14:50

I live in Scotland for work and my parents live in Cornwall.

Two weeks ago my dad had a bit of an upset stomach. My mum brushed it off as nothing serious and bought him some Immodium. After 3 or 4 days, I called her to check how he was, he was still poorly so I asked if she'd rung the doctors. She said no.

About a week in, I said again, she should ring the doctors. Immodium was doing nothing. She said no, again, that it would work itself out.

After 10 days, she called the doctors who said he should have flat coke, some Immodium and it'll go away. He has done some tests at the doctors and they've basically shrugged, said it's not E-Coli. and to keep doing what he's doing. They said if it's anything, it's gastroenteritis but that makes 0 sense as my mum hasn't caught it.

It didn't so I came home last night to try and help out.

My dad hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. He's lost 40 pounds. Water makes him sick. He is going to the toilet at least 10 times an hour. The doctors don't want anything to do with him. He's being sick, nothing is coming up anymore because his system is totally empty. He can barely keep his eyes open. 111 has sent a doctor but it's "low priority" and they don't know what time they'll be here. He won't get in the car to go to hospital and between me and my mum we can't get him down, 111 said not to call 999 as he's already in the system.

I'm only 25. I'm so scared. I don’t know what I can do. He can't keep anything down and nobody wants to help us.

OP posts:
suburberphobe · 08/09/2024 23:40

This sounds awful but I have to put it out there.....

Do you think OP he is causing his own euthanasia?

It's cruel to keep people alive when they are ready to pass over,

Op, I feel you. My parents died of Alzheimer and Cancer.

Hugs to you. And others going through it.

ManchesterLu · 08/09/2024 23:52

SadGirlAutumn · 08/09/2024 11:57

The hospital have said to expect 7-10 days more of this! He's been sent home to die, and it's breaking my heart

No, they haven't.

You've since said that he's had a jacket potato and been okay with it, so perhaps you can accept they made the right decision and you have to let it run its course?

Calm yourself down for goodness sake.

BluebellsareBlue · 08/09/2024 23:57

@ManchesterLu fgs! Give the girl a break!! That how she's feeling. Stop downplaying how she feels. She's an only child with no one else to ask/turn to. Like me, although much older now, and my mum who I advocated for had cancer, I thought she was going to die a million times. Have some goddamnn sympathy!!

spikeandbuffy24 · 09/09/2024 00:19

I can't believe how many people are advocating lying to 999 (yes I've read the full thread)
Please don't do this
It means you're putting ambulance staff at risk travelling to you on blue lights that aren't needed

It also means there could well be someone actually in cardiac arrest who can't have an ambulance because you've lied and said someone isn't breathing
If you're advocating for that, you're happy that the ambulance you need one day for your husband or child's cardiac arrest has gone to someone else who has lied that someone isn't breathing

suki1964 · 09/09/2024 02:19

BluebellsareBlue · 08/09/2024 23:57

@ManchesterLu fgs! Give the girl a break!! That how she's feeling. Stop downplaying how she feels. She's an only child with no one else to ask/turn to. Like me, although much older now, and my mum who I advocated for had cancer, I thought she was going to die a million times. Have some goddamnn sympathy!!

25 is hardly a child

kittensinthekitchen · 09/09/2024 02:34

suburberphobe · 08/09/2024 23:40

This sounds awful but I have to put it out there.....

Do you think OP he is causing his own euthanasia?

It's cruel to keep people alive when they are ready to pass over,

Op, I feel you. My parents died of Alzheimer and Cancer.

Hugs to you. And others going through it.

What? Are you on the right thread?
Or do you genuinely think the man is 'causing his own euthanasia' by eating a potato??

Salacia · 09/09/2024 04:30

suki1964 · 09/09/2024 02:19

25 is hardly a child

Show quote history

Probably the same age as a fair few of the doctors he’d have seen during his admission…

BeatrizBoniface · 09/09/2024 06:21

I don't know why people are infantilising a 25 year old woman. She's an adult and that sometimes means dealing with emergencies and taking responsibility. She's not 14.

BluebellsareBlue · 09/09/2024 08:06

I said she's an only child, referencing the fact she's no siblings to talk to about this and raise her fears. I was talking about her situs, not her age. I don't think it matters what age you are, it's frightening when your parents are ill

BeatrizBoniface · 09/09/2024 08:09

Salacia · 09/09/2024 04:30

Probably the same age as a fair few of the doctors he’d have seen during his admission…

Show quote history

Exactly - the people she is so critical of.

Girlslikepearls · 09/09/2024 08:14

I'm finding it very hard to understand a lot of what @SadGirlAutumn has posted.

The first is that she said he was dying when he wasn't. Very attention-seeking subject line that was soon 'trending'.

A man would struggle to lose almost 3 stones (40 pounds) in 14 days. That's almost 3lbs a day, just lying in bed not using much energy.

And considering he was so ill, (dying according to OP) I'm questioning how he got out of bed onto the scales (at home) for a weigh-in.

There are too many discrepancies around the timelines of calling for an ambulance (was going to be 12 hours) and then it miraculously appeared in 20 minutes.

she works but she's managed to make a mercy dash home which would have taken a whole day at least as it's 5 hours from Scotland to London, possibly 6 or 7, and several more to Cornwall, even if there were immediate connections in London.

It would be a push to do the whole journey the length of the country either by train at a weekend (slower services) or by car, in one day.

No mention if this is unpaid leave, compassionate leave, or when she's due back at work, especially now her dad is home and eating jacket potatoes.

I've asked several times why her mum can't cope or if she has any siblings nearby (her parents are around my age - not ancient) but she's not answered that.

I'm wondering if OP has some health issues herself - health anxiety perhaps- or if there are other reasons for the tone and content of her posts.

Girlslikepearls · 09/09/2024 08:15

BluebellsareBlue · 09/09/2024 08:06

I said she's an only child, referencing the fact she's no siblings to talk to about this and raise her fears. I was talking about her situs, not her age. I don't think it matters what age you are, it's frightening when your parents are ill

where does she say she's an only child?

BeatrizBoniface · 09/09/2024 08:15

@Girlslikepearls - this, 💯

Greybeardy · 09/09/2024 08:46

Girlslikepearls · 09/09/2024 08:14

I'm finding it very hard to understand a lot of what @SadGirlAutumn has posted.

The first is that she said he was dying when he wasn't. Very attention-seeking subject line that was soon 'trending'.

A man would struggle to lose almost 3 stones (40 pounds) in 14 days. That's almost 3lbs a day, just lying in bed not using much energy.

And considering he was so ill, (dying according to OP) I'm questioning how he got out of bed onto the scales (at home) for a weigh-in.

There are too many discrepancies around the timelines of calling for an ambulance (was going to be 12 hours) and then it miraculously appeared in 20 minutes.

she works but she's managed to make a mercy dash home which would have taken a whole day at least as it's 5 hours from Scotland to London, possibly 6 or 7, and several more to Cornwall, even if there were immediate connections in London.

It would be a push to do the whole journey the length of the country either by train at a weekend (slower services) or by car, in one day.

No mention if this is unpaid leave, compassionate leave, or when she's due back at work, especially now her dad is home and eating jacket potatoes.

I've asked several times why her mum can't cope or if she has any siblings nearby (her parents are around my age - not ancient) but she's not answered that.

I'm wondering if OP has some health issues herself - health anxiety perhaps- or if there are other reasons for the tone and content of her posts.

Edited

of all the bits to pick holes in the weight loss reallly isn’t the one…. Weight loss in the context of d&v has nothing much at all to do with energy in/out - it’s almost entirely due to fluid loss and you can lose impressive amounts of weight that way (you do also diurese when you go low-cal too (which is why people get all excited when a new diet has spectacular results in the first week) but that’s probably not the main issue here). HTH.

Girlslikepearls · 09/09/2024 08:53

@Greybeardy I knew there'd be someone who came along to say that! Yep, fully understand that. I guess I should have said that to pre-empt posts like yours. The main point is that most people her Dad's age would not talk about 'pounds' (in the US they refer to weight as pounds) but 'stones' and younger people in the UK use metric not imperial weight - kilos. But more to the point was him being weighed when he could hardly move.

TheShellBeach · 09/09/2024 08:58

..........as it's 5 hours from Scotland to London

It's actually 11 hours from London to my part of Scotland.

We're along a road which has no dual carriageway, and it's 100 miles from Glasgow, so Glasgow to our village is over 3 hours.

Discombobble · 09/09/2024 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

If you don’t believe the OP then scroll on by - accusing someone of lying with absolutely no information is unpleasant

BeatrizBoniface · 09/09/2024 09:09

SadGirlAutumn · 07/09/2024 20:24

He's had some chest pains, ECG etc., done, the heart attack blood test done, all that has come back clear so he's been given some stronger painkillers and some anxiety meds (they think he's having anxiety) and he's now apparently chatting to a nurse and the old lady in the bed next to him about the football! Sounds like he's feeling a little better and the fluids have perked him up, now it's just a case of getting to the bottom of why this is happening

So an ambulance came in 20 minutes, he was assessed and treated. So from about 3pm ? Now he's sitting up and chatting at 8.30pm? Sounds as if he's been taken care of and is recovering.

Tombero · 09/09/2024 09:50

TheShellBeach · 09/09/2024 08:58

..........as it's 5 hours from Scotland to London

It's actually 11 hours from London to my part of Scotland.

We're along a road which has no dual carriageway, and it's 100 miles from Glasgow, so Glasgow to our village is over 3 hours.

Edited

To be fair to OP she wrote that she has delayed her flight back, so I would guess she flew into Newquay.

Girlslikepearls · 09/09/2024 09:54

Discombobble · 09/09/2024 09:04

If you don’t believe the OP then scroll on by - accusing someone of lying with absolutely no information is unpleasant

Show quote history

There are discrepancies. You needn't call them 'lies'. Threads can be reported for these reasons.

GalileoHumpkins · 09/09/2024 10:00

Girlslikepearls · 09/09/2024 09:54

There are discrepancies. You needn't call them 'lies'. Threads can be reported for these reasons.

Show quote history

I did report the thread twice but MN obviously have their reasons for believing it.
I've sat with a dying parent, the last thing I had the mental or emotional capacity for was posting a blow by blow on the Internet.

I get that we all cope differently but the hyperbole from the OP was just too much, the whole thing just seems like a thinly veiled swipe at the NHS.

kittensinthekitchen · 09/09/2024 10:07

"the whole thing just seems like a thinly veiled swipe at the NHS."

I've been pointing out these threads by 'first time posters' for a while.

Girlslikepearls · 09/09/2024 10:07

GalileoHumpkins · 09/09/2024 10:00

I did report the thread twice but MN obviously have their reasons for believing it.
I've sat with a dying parent, the last thing I had the mental or emotional capacity for was posting a blow by blow on the Internet.

I get that we all cope differently but the hyperbole from the OP was just too much, the whole thing just seems like a thinly veiled swipe at the NHS.

Show quote history

I've reported it too.
I can't see how anyone can post that they are told an ambulance won't come as it's not an emergency then 3 minutes later she's posted to say it's arrived.

And the detailed descriptions of how he's making other patients laugh by wearing a face mask across his eyes.
How did she know that? She's not even there.
Is her mum giving her a minute by minute account?

Kitkat1523 · 09/09/2024 10:08

I hope he picks up OP …..completely understand how worried you are 💐

HappyDane · 09/09/2024 10:19

I can see why people are suspicious. We've had a longstanding anti-paramedics/medics/NHS troll here for years.

It is still perfectly possible that OP is genuine - stress makes many people hyperbolic and the discrepancies can be explained.

However, it is best not to get too invested in threads like this, because there are people who love to set up this kind of thread and draw people in.

In any case best to report rather than hunt on the thread itself.

@SadGirlAutumnif this is genuine the comments above will distress you. Don't pay too much mind, just look after yourself and your parents.