Page 9 | Annoyed at not being a lesbian

Howdyboob · 2024-09-06T21:15:58+00:00

Yea of course I'm generalising to an extent. But honestly I'm sure we all know that women are more competent at life in 90% of areas. Im straight and my DH is handsome and wonderful etc but good lord all of the men in my life husband family friends etc are absolutely useless without their female counterparts instructing them how to survive. DH has had to sort his shit out in the last year because I've been on a rampage but FFS do men not understand that their value has enormously decreased since women too work? I'm about ready to batter about 5 men I personally know. In the last few years I've started to lose all respect for men. Since my wonderful dad died I feel like all adult men are 15yo boys.

Halloumiheaven · 07/09/2024 14:10

easylikeasundaymorn · 07/09/2024 13:40

But what ARE the roles and tasks you think men are naturally better at on the whole than women?
This is the where your argument falls apart.

You've mentioned going to war - well that's hardly a daily, or a desirable occurrence, and modern warfare isn't as much about 'sending them over the top' but strategy, weapons armament, etc. all of which women could do if needed. 'I'll do all the housework and mental load for the rest of our lives vs the tiny chance you might be conscripted if we go to war (but tbh so might I),' is hardly a fair trade off!

Then your DH is better at DIY, vehicle maintenance and finances but you must realise this is his individual skillset, not a 'man' one.

Most cars these days are too complicated for anyone to have a go at fixing anything other than the most basic. My granddad was a mechanic and accepts he has to take his cars to specialist now because it's all electronic, you can't just open up the bonnet and start fiddling. Most women I know are far better at both DIY (because they are a) less lazy, and b)actually read the instructions rather than 'I know what I'm doing,') and finances than men. There is literally nothing in a 'man brain' that would make them better at investments overall than women. The fact that your DH is better at it than you is just your individual personalities - I am better at it than any of the male partners I have had.

The main advantage men had as a group was physical strength, which probably was an advantage plowing the fields in 1582, or even working down t'mine in the 1950s. But in 2024, where everything is electonic and automated, that is no longer much use. In a couple where both are solicitors, one being slightly stronger than the other is of no objective value at all.

It's like when on here women assure others that the household jobs are 'split equally, according to our strengths,' because the man 'takes the bins out (5 min job once a week), sorts the finances (set up a direct debit when they moved in 8 years ago and hasn't done anything since) and does the DIY (put 1, wonky, shelf up 6 months ago after a lot of nagging)'. Meanwhile they 'do the cleaning (2 hours every single day), cooking (with meal prep and food shopping, another hour, 7 days a week) washing (and sorting, drying, ironing, multiple loads a week), and sorts the kids out (literally all the mental and physical work, doesn't sit down from 7am to 9pm, the dad doesn't know their teacher's name.'

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I didn't ask you to comment on my individual set up thankyou.

My DH can do electrics, plumbing, bricklaying, does ALL the general home DIY and garden maintenance thankyou very much. He doesn't pin up a wonky shelf every 6 months and I NEVER ever have to nag him. What a lazy stereotype.

CrispieCake · 07/09/2024 14:31

BarryFromBradford · 07/09/2024 12:27

So, why not let the men leave with the children and make the women stay and fight?

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Because the men would eat the children if they got hungry? Men typically put themselves first when it comes to prioritising resources. It's a well-documented phenomenon.

CherryBlo · 07/09/2024 14:42

Halloumiheaven · 07/09/2024 14:00

I completely agree. I think some straight women enjoy being part of the LGBTQIA+ by proxy. Like muscling in and trying to insert themselves into the 'coolness' of it all. The amount of women on here who are always claiming they're not 100% straight or 'could definitely be with a woman ' - I bet in theory if you actually checked their arousal response scientifically around females it'd be non existent. Like being gay is all two straight women just living a really cool set up without them pesky men

I can't speak for gay women but I imagine its pretty insulting actually. Especially when they haven't personally faced the prejudices of times not so long gone by. I wonder how many of them would be claiming they 'are definitely a bit gay. Could 100% be with a woman' if you threw them back in the 1930s.

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I do actually think a lot of people aren't 100% straight (obviously loads are before anyone jumps on me!). And a lot of people, especially if they grew up under Section 28 for example, might be bi or similar but didn't have the information available as teens when most people start thinking about or exploring who they're attracted to. And obviously if you were attracted to men and women in a time or place that there wasn't/ isn't same sex marriage, it would be easier to form a heterosexual relationship. So I wouldn't want to say people are making it up that they're not 100% straight (I think it strays a bit into "gold star gay" territory) and I think it's a good thing that people can admit it with less fear nowadays. But at the same time, yes it is frustrating and insulting when straight people imply that life would be so much easier if they weren't.

TheCultureHusks · 07/09/2024 14:49

Halloumiheaven · 07/09/2024 11:48

You don't sound quite as clever as you think you do.

Unfortunately, your ignorance where war is concerned is breathtakingly naive

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oh pompous off 😄

BiggerBoat1 · 07/09/2024 14:50

CrispieCake · 07/09/2024 14:31

Because the men would eat the children if they got hungry? Men typically put themselves first when it comes to prioritising resources. It's a well-documented phenomenon.

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Christ!! We’ve moved on a bit from just moaning that men don’t do their share of the washing up 🤣

TheCultureHusks · 07/09/2024 14:54

BarryFromBradford · 07/09/2024 12:27

So, why not let the men leave with the children and make the women stay and fight?

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Probably because while the women would sit down and talk out a solution, a significant proportion of the men would be busy in their neutral country setting up child trafficking rings and raping and abusing the children sent away ‘to safety’ with them.

CrispieCake · 07/09/2024 15:07

TheCultureHusks · 07/09/2024 14:54

Probably because while the women would sit down and talk out a solution, a significant proportion of the men would be busy in their neutral country setting up child trafficking rings and raping and abusing the children sent away ‘to safety’ with them.

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Indeed. Children are much safer in a group of women and children than a group of men and children. Women tend to use available resources to benefit the children, whereas men often waste resources on themselves/non-family spending (drugs/alcohol) and are more likely to exploit the children in harmful ways for their own benefit.

NAMALT and all that nonsense, but these are observable trends which is part of the reason why it has been argued, for instance, that aid money should be paid directly to women.

easylikeasundaymorn · 07/09/2024 15:36

Halloumiheaven · 07/09/2024 14:10

I didn't ask you to comment on my individual set up thankyou.

My DH can do electrics, plumbing, bricklaying, does ALL the general home DIY and garden maintenance thankyou very much. He doesn't pin up a wonky shelf every 6 months and I NEVER ever have to nag him. What a lazy stereotype.

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would you like a clap for completely missing the point?

YOU brought up your "Individual set up" which was why I used them in the middle paragraphs to illustrate what I was asking. You and your DH have these separate talents/strengths, fine, good for you 👏🏼 but do you actually believe they are innately bound to your sex and all other male/female partners have the same strengths or do you manage to understand that your individual set up is just that INDIVIDUAL and nothing to do with your DH being good at finances because he is male and you being good at organising (although apparently not reading comprehension) because you are female?

The last paragraph was not aimed at you or your "Individual set up at all" and I have no idea why you have taken such exception to it. The examples mentioned weren't the exact same ones you had used, just some stereotypical blue/pink jobs, which I would have thought made it obvious I was speaking in general terms rather than aiming it at you, but if not the "it's LIKE" should have given it away. If someone is "Like" something it is referring to a different person/thing/situation, not the original.

Anyway you still haven't answered the question.
What skills do ALL/MOST men (not just your wonderful amazing DH) have that all/most women (not just you) don't have, and that if we stuck to splitting by gender we would all apparently be much happier? Waiting in anticipation....

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 07/09/2024 16:46

@Halloumiheaven, you may well be 'totally incapable' of basic adult skills like DIY and finances, but I really hope you're not suggesting the same is true of all women. How on earth do you think single women and lesbians cope?!

As an aside, it does amaze me how many straight women never learn how to do any DIY. My wife and I both learnt DIY skills from our mums, as both our dads are useless at it.

Poppins2016 · 07/09/2024 17:33

People should take more care when picking their life partner

Whilst I agree with this sentiment to some extent, I do think this is somewhat easier said than done. It's not as though you can have a trial run at putting your relationship through the test of having children, for example. The benefit of hindsight and/or experience is a wonderful thing...

Halloumiheaven · 07/09/2024 17:37

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 07/09/2024 16:46

@Halloumiheaven, you may well be 'totally incapable' of basic adult skills like DIY and finances, but I really hope you're not suggesting the same is true of all women. How on earth do you think single women and lesbians cope?!

As an aside, it does amaze me how many straight women never learn how to do any DIY. My wife and I both learnt DIY skills from our mums, as both our dads are useless at it.

I'm not incapable of finances

Halloumiheaven · 07/09/2024 17:39

easylikeasundaymorn · 07/09/2024 15:36

would you like a clap for completely missing the point?

YOU brought up your "Individual set up" which was why I used them in the middle paragraphs to illustrate what I was asking. You and your DH have these separate talents/strengths, fine, good for you 👏🏼 but do you actually believe they are innately bound to your sex and all other male/female partners have the same strengths or do you manage to understand that your individual set up is just that INDIVIDUAL and nothing to do with your DH being good at finances because he is male and you being good at organising (although apparently not reading comprehension) because you are female?

The last paragraph was not aimed at you or your "Individual set up at all" and I have no idea why you have taken such exception to it. The examples mentioned weren't the exact same ones you had used, just some stereotypical blue/pink jobs, which I would have thought made it obvious I was speaking in general terms rather than aiming it at you, but if not the "it's LIKE" should have given it away. If someone is "Like" something it is referring to a different person/thing/situation, not the original.

Anyway you still haven't answered the question.
What skills do ALL/MOST men (not just your wonderful amazing DH) have that all/most women (not just you) don't have, and that if we stuck to splitting by gender we would all apparently be much happier? Waiting in anticipation....

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I'm not responding to personal insults/attacks

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 07/09/2024 17:51

Halloumiheaven · 07/09/2024 17:37

I'm not incapable of finances

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Well you were earlier today, apparently...

"That said though, I then took a good look at all the things he DID do, and they were things I was and am totally incapable of doing (DIY, fixing problems with cars, excellent at knowing how to invest and manage finances ) bloody strong role model to the kids too."

bazoom · 07/09/2024 17:53

easylikeasundaymorn · 07/09/2024 13:40

But what ARE the roles and tasks you think men are naturally better at on the whole than women?
This is the where your argument falls apart.

You've mentioned going to war - well that's hardly a daily, or a desirable occurrence, and modern warfare isn't as much about 'sending them over the top' but strategy, weapons armament, etc. all of which women could do if needed. 'I'll do all the housework and mental load for the rest of our lives vs the tiny chance you might be conscripted if we go to war (but tbh so might I),' is hardly a fair trade off!

Then your DH is better at DIY, vehicle maintenance and finances but you must realise this is his individual skillset, not a 'man' one.

Most cars these days are too complicated for anyone to have a go at fixing anything other than the most basic. My granddad was a mechanic and accepts he has to take his cars to specialist now because it's all electronic, you can't just open up the bonnet and start fiddling. Most women I know are far better at both DIY (because they are a) less lazy, and b)actually read the instructions rather than 'I know what I'm doing,') and finances than men. There is literally nothing in a 'man brain' that would make them better at investments overall than women. The fact that your DH is better at it than you is just your individual personalities - I am better at it than any of the male partners I have had.

The main advantage men had as a group was physical strength, which probably was an advantage plowing the fields in 1582, or even working down t'mine in the 1950s. But in 2024, where everything is electonic and automated, that is no longer much use. In a couple where both are solicitors, one being slightly stronger than the other is of no objective value at all.

It's like when on here women assure others that the household jobs are 'split equally, according to our strengths,' because the man 'takes the bins out (5 min job once a week), sorts the finances (set up a direct debit when they moved in 8 years ago and hasn't done anything since) and does the DIY (put 1, wonky, shelf up 6 months ago after a lot of nagging)'. Meanwhile they 'do the cleaning (2 hours every single day), cooking (with meal prep and food shopping, another hour, 7 days a week) washing (and sorting, drying, ironing, multiple loads a week), and sorts the kids out (literally all the mental and physical work, doesn't sit down from 7am to 9pm, the dad doesn't know their teacher's name.'

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Undoing jam jar lids.

Halloumiheaven · 07/09/2024 18:04

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 07/09/2024 17:51

Well you were earlier today, apparently...

"That said though, I then took a good look at all the things he DID do, and they were things I was and am totally incapable of doing (DIY, fixing problems with cars, excellent at knowing how to invest and manage finances ) bloody strong role model to the kids too."

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I agree with you that it was poorly worded. Apologies for the confusion

McLeodIsPronouncedMcloud · 07/09/2024 18:11

YANBU

Comments like this however..

I suppose if we are going for stereotypes you would also have to put up with the higher rate of DV/DA.

…are typical of the MRA bullshit that fills threads like this.

The research that showed higher rates of DV and DA in lesbian couples has been cherry picked to the extreme and MRAs fail to point out that the questions showed that higher DV/DA was taking into account previous relationships which in many cases were with men.

Team lesbian all the way here. Sick of men and all the “Not my Nigel” types running to defend them.

IdgieThreadgoodeIsMyHeroine · 07/09/2024 18:23

bazoom · 07/09/2024 17:53

Undoing jam jar lids.

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I'll give you that one; my wife and I have resorted to stabbing through salsa lids recently as Sainsbury's make their jars unopenable by mere mortals.

JohnofWessex · 07/09/2024 18:28

bazoom · 07/09/2024 17:53

Undoing jam jar lids.

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DW has said that I am out as soon as I fail to undo a jar lid

CowboyJoanna · 07/09/2024 18:30

There is nothing stopping you from becoming a lesbian and going down that route
Search up "political lesbianism"

bazoom · 07/09/2024 18:52

JohnofWessex · 07/09/2024 18:28

DW has said that I am out as soon as I fail to undo a jar lid

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It's the little things they don't think about

FrippEnos · 07/09/2024 19:02

McLeodIsPronouncedMcloud · 07/09/2024 18:11

YANBU

Comments like this however..

I suppose if we are going for stereotypes you would also have to put up with the higher rate of DV/DA.

…are typical of the MRA bullshit that fills threads like this.

The research that showed higher rates of DV and DA in lesbian couples has been cherry picked to the extreme and MRAs fail to point out that the questions showed that higher DV/DA was taking into account previous relationships which in many cases were with men.

Team lesbian all the way here. Sick of men and all the “Not my Nigel” types running to defend them.

And your response is typical of someone that is incapable of discussing/arguing a point.

But please continue with your name calling BS.

Rubia3 · 07/09/2024 19:03

I haven”t read the full thread, but here is a paradigmatic tale from a village I used to live in.
Man’s wife dies. All the local women flock around bringing food and support. One makes him a coffee, and before serving him, asks if he takes sugar. His reply? “I don’t know”.

McLeodIsPronouncedMcloud · 07/09/2024 20:26

FrippEnos · 07/09/2024 19:02

And your response is typical of someone that is incapable of discussing/arguing a point.

But please continue with your name calling BS.

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🤣

highdaysandholudays · 07/09/2024 22:31

If only I'd made a better choice in my life partner! Oh the regret. If only I'd seen that 27 years into my relationship he'd become abusive and fuck someone else out of the blue. It was so obvious from the start. That's why I had three kids with him. Because he was so obviously awful. It's all my fault.