Annoyed at not being a lesbian

[Howdyboob]

Yea of course I'm generalising to an extent.

But honestly I'm sure we all know that women are more competent at life in 90% of areas.

Im straight and my DH is handsome and wonderful etc but good lord all of the men in my life husband family friends etc are absolutely useless without their female counterparts instructing them how to survive.

DH has had to sort his shit out in the last year because I've been on a rampage but FFS do men not understand that their value has enormously decreased since women too work?

I'm about ready to batter about 5 men I personally know.

In the last few years I've started to lose all respect for men. Since my wonderful dad died I feel like all adult men are 15yo boys.

He was dead. (Seriously)

HTH

As well as having a wonderful DS I also had a wonderful grandfather who was just my rock during childhood without a dad, he was a war hero too. He never put a foot wrong and he took great care of his family.
Every other man in my life has been abusive and has expected me to be a servant to them and earn all the money.
I live alone now and won't bother to date again. It's a huge disappointment I don't have anyone to retire with but there just isn't anyone out there.

I'm not sure it's entirely to do with m/f, straight/gay but more about how your personalities mesh/complement each other and how you agree (or disagree) to navigate your partnership. Each partner will have strengths and weaknesses that might not necessarily be gender based. It may also change over time, but their needs to be open discussion.

DP and I role reversed for most of our relationship as he was diagnosed with a degenerative illness early on. He was the parent doing the school runs and raising the DC until Uni whilst I worked fulltime in a stressful job with a lot of transatlantic travel. The DC have left the nest now so I changed my role and I'm able to wfh and care for DH. He always been the more organised, domesticated and a better cook than me - his DM brought him up well! Now he has to put up with my cooking! 😳

You can't generalise like that. There are extremely competent men and women. And there are plenty of both where you wonder how they have survived this long !
My DH was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Went to the dentist every six months, showered once or even twice a day, went to the gym at 6am sharp. His flat was always clean and tidy, he changed his sheets weekly, he ran a large firm, he was on top of his finances. He was generous to a fault.
His 'failing' was diy. Not interested, couldn't do it, not his skillset. But, he earned big bucks so happy to pay for someone else to do it. However he never had to do all that without a woman taking care of his kids - but remove children and he was fine (and if he did have solo responsibilities for children he had the money for a nanny and would have stepped down as the chairman).
My son (21) lives on his own and has a tidy house, clean clothes, perfectly capable of dealing with bills, his health and work.
But no, neither are better than a woman - but certainly better than a lot of them!

I have a friend who happens to be a gay woman - I've never ever heard anything like the dramas in her love life !

They would send long and I mean LONG essay texts to each other absolutely FULL of hyperbole and during an argument. I am quite prone to a bit of hyperbole myself 😄, but this was another level honestly. Even my friend said "double the women, double the drama". I don't know how those two managed to have working thumbs through all those texts I really don't.

I find all this clichéd "cool speak" from straight women about how wonderful it would be to be a lesbian quite patronising and self flagellating "oh how unlucky we are to be attracted to men".

Relationships have problems. It's not exclusive to heterosexuals

No neither do my 3 sons. Or my male friends.

Think it's more about the company you/ DH keep OP.

Yeah, people are naive about their sons.

I've raised mine as a single mum to be great around the house. That's because I demand it as his parent and if he doesn't do it there are consequences!

I'm not naive enough to think there's a possibility that he could be different with a partner, he HAS to do as he's told by me as I'm his mum but it won't be the same with a partner. I've raised him the absolute best I can and bloody well hope it continues but society as a whole still has some influence, we'll see what happens if he ever has kids himself and how he acts with his wife then.

"Not my Nigel"

You may be drunk but you are right.

I dated my first and only woman at uni. I came out as gay, but pressure in the 80s from my small mining village and family have made me (out of trying to be normal) get married etc to a guy.

Once I’m out of this marriage, after healing time for myself, I’m going to do what I want for me. That includes dating women. The only problem is I’m now early 50s and my best years are behind me.

Wish I’d been brave enough to stand by my convictions at the time. I’d have been much happier.

I kind of rambled on there. Sorry OP.

I was talking to my sil about this the other day and we both agreed that if we were to divorce we wouldn't get married again.
I do find men are very needy and don't see what needs doing. The never ending mental load. All of the medical/dental/shopping/meal plans/dc education and insurance falls to me. I work full time too and no matter how much I ask for help nothing changes.

Yes dh works hard like me, does the diy/BBQ/car but it is not a patch on my responsibilities.

As men get older they get more dependent it is quite depressing. Most of my female friends agree.

I'm so sorry you went through this, but I really don't think your best years are behind you! You'll likely have another 30 years where you don't have to raise children, so you can be totally selfish and prioritise yourself, especially once you retire! I'm sure there's a lovely woman out there waiting for you. Just choose a boring, drama-free one and you'll be fine!

Lazy "shut downs".

The more we call out this "right think/speak" the better.

It's basically saying "your son IS this stereotype and you WILL accept it and any attempt at saying he isn't will be instantly shut down and patronised"

See also: you can only "punch down" so we're not allowed to say anything remotely discriminatory or generalise about other groups. But if you're in a 2024 "less thought of group"e.g a man- we can say anything we want coz years of oppression innit ? Full stop. Instant shut down.

Oh, and of course, those smarmy posters are also allowed to make you look 'dumb' in the process.

Yup!

The birth mum in the same sex couple in my nct had SUCH a different experience of the first year of motherhood to the rest of us. Eye opening.

Well said. A poster on a recent thread called another poster a "poor, sweet summer child". Cringe-worthy patronising put-down from one woman to another, just because the latter dared to stick up for a man!!

Yes, I've seen this so many times.

What people are failing to realise is its now brainwashed into us to think a certain way. Opinions are no longer valid unless they belong to the current "right" way of thinking.

Then come the sneery, patronising "shut downs" and popular tropes that are accepted "right think/speak" which tend to work quite successfully to shut down and outsider opinion.

The latest one (which has gained so much traction) Is "oh so you blame women for 'male' behaviour"

I know it's a trope by the way it's written. "Male" behaviour. Are they not men? It's all written in that exact same way. Never 'the behaviour of men is blamed on women ' always "women are at fault for 'male behaviour ' "

It sounds pedantic, but that is where you can tell it's just a cool sounding, trotted out cliche designed to trump your opinion and shut the whole thing down. Top of the cool class brownie points!

There are so many other examples

I take it you don't work in construction then?

If we're stereotyping then men are better at manual labour and women excel in office roles.

If you need an electrician, a builder, a plumber etc then if you call someone out it's probably going to be a man.

How incredibly rude. You don’t know my son.

Err, I was replying to another poster who said men and women weren't wired up differently. I pointed out we fundamentally are.

Yes, but I was asking why that means men can't do household chores and childcare?
Because that's what some people suggest.

Seriously? 🙄

lol of course not.

This is such a good idea! To teach them to see what needs to be done! Thanks for this. I am going to start this with mine!

FFS do men not understand that their value has enormously decreased since women too work?

Women have always worked, my MIL worked all her married life until retirement age, her MIL single parent worked until retirement age, my paternal grandmother, also single parent to two children, worked until retirement age, my mother worked, I work.

What planet are you on where women have only just started working?

It’s harder for women to get into these roles. I interviewed a young woman who had really struggled to get into an apprenticeship as an electrician, as so many electricians openly told her that they would not take on a girl as an apprentice. This was only four years ago.

I would be very interested to know if anyone has teenage or young adult daughters who live at home and also don't see the mess and need to be told what to do. Funny this category doesn't exist on MN.

An issue as someone said upthread is often standard differences. Generally an all male flat share is less tidy and organised than an all female one. Many single men even those who keep their home well tend to have slightly lower standards than a single woman. So when a couple move in together the man might think it's tidy and clean to a satisfactory level but the woman doesn't agree so she reorganises or buys nice things or tidies in a different way, and that's where the divide begins.

Ok then. You seem to want to believe that all males fit the stereotype.
My experience does not support this.
Maybe those people who can’t open their eyes to the possibility that not all men are the same should have made better choices in their own lives.
Your shut-down means nothing to me and does not negate what I know to be true.