Annoyed at not being a lesbian

[Howdyboob]

Yea of course I'm generalising to an extent.

But honestly I'm sure we all know that women are more competent at life in 90% of areas.

Im straight and my DH is handsome and wonderful etc but good lord all of the men in my life husband family friends etc are absolutely useless without their female counterparts instructing them how to survive.

DH has had to sort his shit out in the last year because I've been on a rampage but FFS do men not understand that their value has enormously decreased since women too work?

I'm about ready to batter about 5 men I personally know.

In the last few years I've started to lose all respect for men. Since my wonderful dad died I feel like all adult men are 15yo boys.

I am a lesbian and let's just say, It's not all sunshine and rainbows with women either!
I was a victim of a horrific domestic violence a few years ago and almost lost my life. She'd lied to me about being a drug user too.
My current one (who I am just seeing) has told me a lot of lies 'future faking' I thinkthey call it and treated me horribly at times. Refuses to move out of her parent's house.
I am middle aged and destined to be lonely I think. There aren't so many of us.

Having said all of that, I am VERY, VERY glad to not be straight!

I'm bi.

A lot of women aren't all that great either.

I would rather be asexual, unfortunately I like a good shag too much 🤣

My FIL is utterly useless, albeit a kind and sweet man but totally enabled by my MIL. I didn't realise how much he doesn't do until I spent a weekend away with them at a holiday park last week, and I genuinely mean that all he did was sit on his arse, either reading or falling asleep. It absolutely infuriated me. He had no bloody gumption or initiative and almost a lack of intelligence in some ways.

I'm not that surprised though. My MIL has spent half their marriage with being a traditional housewife, earning some money but doing literally everything around the house from cooking to finances. FIL can't cook, wouldn't have a clue how to buy food or what to buy, and even understand the fact that a casserole needs to go in the damn oven to cook - it wasn't written in the instructions my MIL gave him once, when she put "turn oven on, and set for 2 hours", she came back from church to see the casserole still on the side...😂😳😂

sigh Thank goodness my DH is the total opposite 😅 I'd have screamed to high heaven most days if he'd ended up like that, just coming back from work expecting dinner and being mollycoddled 😳😂😨

But does this not boil down the expectations again ? Expecting men to think like us? Behave like us? They fundamentally don't.

And vice versa.

It'd hardly be beneficial to go back to the 1950s. Blimey, we're that brainwashed into 2024 "right think" that I wouldn't dare go there... But to an extent, in those times people understood we had 'roles' yes both men and women 'shit out' - men had to go to war for example unquestioned and had to make sacrifices that were only expected of men. Women did the grunt work at home and had expectations of domestic perfection, that were only expected of women. But somewhere they knew, we had to have roles to keep it all ticking along.

We needed modernisation and we got it. We're all liberated. But now, I think we have gone too far and expect both men and women to be role-less and naturally be good at things that perhaps we aren't.

DH is the dogs bollocks when it comes to diy and routine jobs. He is an architect when loading the dishwasher. What he seems to lack is observing things that might need doing outside the routine. But I think he does his share. My young adult sons however are avoidant in the extreme. They will be on their own when they move out though. They know what needs doing because I've been on at them for years.

I mean, as a single lesbian I certainly wouldn't turn down the opportunity for the existence of more lesbians, especially considering a new convert wouldn't have dated at least two of my exes and most of my friends like all the other lesbians 'round here!

(Besides the joke, I can corroborate that it's not all sunshine and rainbows. So many women are brilliantly emotionally intelligent, but they can also use it against you. Imagine all of the internalised effects of societal misogyny and homophobia crammed between two people- when you understand each other it can be amazing, but it can also be explosive.)

This is ridiculous

I have been in relationships with women and they can be just as bad!

True, I definitely agree, and this describes my PIL a lot to some extent (see my above reply). But, even though they are very much a traditional old fashioned marriage, they have made huge rods for their backs. My MIL spent the car journey to our holiday park moaning about how useless FIL was, but I thought it was probably because she'd spent most of their marriage doing everything for him that he couldn't do/refused to do. I think if FIL had actually made more effort to try and learn ro cook for example, she'd not be moaning so much 😅

I wish I was attracted physically to women.
The biggest difference I can see, is that women are less likely to present themselves as feminists in public, whilst being misogynists behind closed doors.

I think it's more likely that men are more than capable of cleaning - they just don't bother when a woman is around.

I’m unfortunately attracted to men but I do sometimes look around my group of brilliant, warm, competent female friends and wish I lived with one of them instead and raised our children together.

I often wish I was a lesbian because women are:
More capable
Less egotistical
Less sexually selfish
More interesting conversationalists
More child-focused (less self-centred)
Require a lot less direct instruction!

Us lesbians definitely have it better, I say that as someone who came out later in life so have lived both sides. Yes women can be hard work too but it’s worlds apart in general

Really? Quite a lot of them emerged with ptsd or shell shock and never spoke about their emotions ever again. In the 40s and 50s it wasnt ever expected that a man be caring about childrens schedules. That was for the housewife to take care of!

I do totally understand what you're saying, I really do.

I sometimes get frustrated with DH for not thinking of what I think of as 'obvious' things for the kids or thinking ahead of the practicalities of everyday life. I actually spent a good proportion of my married life feeling very resentful of him for it. (Unfortunately MILs parenting done nothing to help the situation let's say)

That said though, I then took a good look at all the things he DID do, and they were things I was and am totally incapable of doing (DIY, fixing problems with cars, excellent at knowing how to invest and manage finances ) bloody strong role model to the kids too.

And I found peace with realising we do just have our 'roles' and that's how it is, and actually they compliment one another. It isn't perfect and I still have days where I feel irked by certain traits, but life is life and people are people and you can't really fundamentally change them (crudely put). I try not to sweat the small stuff and just make peace with our more traditional set up.

Our expectations of men AND women and their roles have changed so much. I don't always think it's for the best. It causes so much resentment in a marriage to expect total eradication of gender specific roles. (Dodgy opinion I know )

@Howdyboob “DH has had to sort his shit out in the last year because I've been on a rampage”

confused - does this mean he was crap before the last year?

I am a thankful lesbian! I hear the stories from my friends about their man-baby husbands and I could not tolerate that bullshit. Incompetence of the highest order from relatively intelligent humans. Some lesbians are utterly mental but I’d still take that over cleaning up skid marks!

HE DOES he just pretends so that you will still make him that damn pie

I don’t agree we are “wired” differently. It’s socialisation.

My husband basically keeps the house afloat. He definitely does more than me. I am neurodivergent and most of my energy goes into work (I earn twice his salary). My house would be chaos if not for him.

Growing up, my dad did all of the cooking, all of the washing up, much of the cleaning. So I think I’m used to seeing a useful man. I’ve never lived with a useless one. I’m probably more useless in terms of organisation.

my husband’s dad was, however, utterly hopeless and actually quite abusive. Neither he nor his two brothers are anything like their dad, I don’t know how, but his mum is an absolute warrior so I’d say she takes considerable credit for how her sons turned out.

What an odd comment

Your situation sounds like it works well and that's great.

We fundamentally ARE wired up differently though. Else in pre historic times women would have been out hunting. Men taking turns rearing young.

Men wouldn't naturally be stronger and have more muscle mass.

It may be unpalatable, and not fit with our modern times , but fundamentally men and women are designed for different roles.

Communes for women, or co-housing at least. We can go out for the occasional shag, but have a lovely cooperative peaceful community to return home to.

I know they were, I knew them. They were however indisputable adults, who were expected to behave like grownups and did largely, in my experience, do so.

ETA- my WW1 veteran grandfather looked after me as a baby, toddler and child way beyond the expectations of his generation, practically and emotionally. I adored him. Not good to generalise.

That's actually deeply offensive.

Men are the only group I know that we are allowed to be 'ist against.

Try replacing 'men' with 'women' or other groups that I wouldn't even dare write that sentence out with (shudders)