Annoyed at not being a lesbian

[Howdyboob]

Yea of course I'm generalising to an extent.

But honestly I'm sure we all know that women are more competent at life in 90% of areas.

Im straight and my DH is handsome and wonderful etc but good lord all of the men in my life husband family friends etc are absolutely useless without their female counterparts instructing them how to survive.

DH has had to sort his shit out in the last year because I've been on a rampage but FFS do men not understand that their value has enormously decreased since women too work?

I'm about ready to batter about 5 men I personally know.

In the last few years I've started to lose all respect for men. Since my wonderful dad died I feel like all adult men are 15yo boys.

Do they not see it or do they just not care?

I think you'll find that lesbians have their fair few share of issues and gay men even more. But yes, I fotwb think it would be much easier to have a wife

Why would a lesbain be any less annoying?
They fight if not worse I hear.

I’m a lesbian and can also attest that it’s certainly not always the magical land many straight women think it is - unless you meet someone fantastic, as I was lucky to do so after a rather messy spate of dating experiences.

Agree with a previous comment that growing up gay can result in navigating the world as a young adult with a lot of trauma and shame, and this doesn’t lead to a healthy approach to relationships -thank god for therapy.

However, one thing I can attest to, having lived with both women and men, is that women are generally much cleaner and less expectant that someone will sort their shit out. I lost my cool so many times with male house mates after trying everything to get them to function as anything other than a disgusting teenager in my 20s. I’m sure ‘not all men’ etc, but the amount of complaints I hear from straight female friends would back up the assertion that this isn’t an isolated experience.

So yes, I do thank my lucky stars every day now I have a wonderful female partner who I don’t have to ‘manage’ at all. We also communicate incredibly well, which makes so much difference.

Men have still done more than women though

They do have their plusses of course. 1 damn mood all month long. Why can't they be completely unreasonable and ferocious for 3 days of the month?

£5,000 quid says my post gets deleted but OP's stays up for all eternity - who'll see me for it?

Well OP's post isn't full of descriptions of violence against women for a start. So I doubt anyone will see you for it.

If it's a consolation, I'm a lesbian and was until recently married to another lesbian. We have a DC together. She did absolutely nothing around the house (we both have demanding jobs), I bore the child because she didn't want to (even though I already had other DC and she didn't), I carried all the domestic load and did all the childcare. To cap it off, she then had an affair and left me. Then magically decided that she could do childcare and nursery pick ups etc and wanted 50/50 shared care (no CMS). So a very "male" pattern of behaviour from what I see on MN.

It's not about gender.

OP, it would certainly be great to find a source of men who are actually competent and capable of surviving on their own.

I'm a single mum. I do everything related to child raising, I work full time. I do all the gardening, decorating and house maintenance. I cook from scratch. I run a house. It really isn't difficult.

And that's the trouble. I find most men to be so inept, it's hard to find one I can respect.

I am being careful to raise DS, knowing how to cook, to clean a bathroom, basic nutrition and how to shop cost-effectively, to use a washing machine & dishwasher, to check tyre pressures and oil levels. He's 16 and can change a bike tyre, mend a puncture.

For some reason he is completely rubbish at wrapping presents though, no matter how hard I try. 🤔But he's a work in progress. If a future Dil finds him lacking, it won't be because I didn't try.

Oh dear God, that might be because for centuries men had access to education, employment, money and opportunities which women did not.

Ginger Rogers, I believe!

Really?

There isn't a single damn man on this earth who hasn't been birthed by a woman.

My wife is the kindest, most loving person I have ever met, and is incredible mum to our daughter. However, she is incapable of doing anything useful without being told what needs to be done. Choose your lesbians carefully, ladies, or you may still end up with the entire mental load!

Christ no!

I have a lot of friends who are lesbians and the emotional dramas they seem to constantly be living are exhausting. Maybe it’s just them but I always come back to my grounded, steady, slightly emotionally stunted husband and give him a huge hug because I’m so grateful I’m not gay.

Him being a bit lazy round the house is a very small compromise for that.

Also DS and his husband have an immaculate house and garden and no cleaner or gardener. They put us to shame.

Are your lesbian friends in their early twenties?! All the lesbians I know are in very boring, drama-free long-term relationships/marriages, several with children.

I’m a member of a group on FB which looks at the gender gaps, specifically relating to the relationships amongst the members. What I see is a lot of women indulging absolutely pathetic levels of male laziness whilst running round like blue arsed flies.

We can blame men for being shit (fair enough in many cases) but also need to look at our own responses and boundaries too, as women we’ve been conditioned to be nice, to say yes and look after others. We need to raise our sons better, but we also need to make sure the next generation of women can stick up for themselves and not see that certain things are theirs to do. It’s so ingrained, it will take many generations for these prescriptive roles to die out.

I was brought up by an incredibly strong mother who hasn’t taken any shit at all, if my Dad was useless in any way he was in horrible levels of trouble. So I wasn’t conditioned in the same way to be nice. So see friends or people on social media complaining and wonder why they can’t or don’t have a big chat with their men about stopping being useless. I know my husband isn’t too bad and I’m fairly lucky, and I know my point isn’t valid when looking at abusive relationships, but to a couple where the man is ok but happy being lazy he should be told in no uncertain terms.

It always shocks me what straight women let men get away with.

Continuing my point, but to the general thread not one specific post.
I mean, the point is basically this -
Home, childcare and domestic stuff was seen as women’s space, you don’t have to go back as far as cave times, the 1950s will do. But since the nineteenth century, women have fought for equal access to education, employment, equal pay, financial independence, reproductive autonomy and contraception, all the things which allowed them to move away from being seen as either the property of their father or their husband.
But women don’t have equality in civic and public life for as long as there is not equality in the home, because if one sex does more of the childcare, cleaning, life admin, then the other sex has more time to work and go for promotion or spend their leisure time on hobbies and social events. Women have historically done more of the former and men more of the latter.
Now I personally don’t think you can have equality around childbirth and neonatal care because women birth children and many breastfeed, so you need rights and protections around that for women’s time and recovery. But a good partner and father also sees his roles and responsibilities here - which can be the other housework. However, financial pressures also pick up when DC are born and what happens at a population level is that women get more maternity leave and become seen as the main carers and men work more hours to meet the financial pressures (and get away from the drudgery of nappies and lack of sleep). More women drop to part-time hours because of the cost of childcare etc. And so we still have the social idea that childcare and domestic stuff is women’s role.
It is quite noticeable where I am if you walk through the parks on a week day, it is women or grandparents with DC, on a weekend, the men might be pushing the prams. I think it is changing slowly, but it is slow.

And it is at this point that many women who thought they have equality realise, actually, no, they do not. And it is perfectly fine and reasonable to point out that this is why inequalities exist and are perpetuated without it being seen as an attack on individual husbands, sons or other men.

🤣 Not at all, I’d say average is late forties but range from 30s to 60s, most are in long term relationships and many married for years . Maybe it’s just the people I know. Even the most straightforward thing is a very dramatic conversation, then there’s the falling out with eachother over really daft stuff (to be fair not always wife / partner but other people too), those who aren’t in long term relationships (and one who is) seem to have very intense relationships (or infatuations in the case of the married person) with people.

It’s exhausting! In fairness I have one friend in her 50s who’s married to her wife and much more grounded and sometimes we will talk about something that’s happened and she will just roll her eyes and say ‘that’s lesbians for you’ which is probably how I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a characteristic (if that’s the word).

I know lots of wonderful caring, loyal, hard working and selfless men. I also know shit ones. But I also know women who are useless, so I don't think being a lesbian is going to be your golden ticket to happiness.

Start by choosing who you spend your time with and make better choices in your life partner.

And yet... I know a construction company that decided to hire women to work all the diggers and cherry pickers. Their clients said they always use them because they are the most reliable company with the best work ethic they have ever encountered in construction.

My DH is (mostly) wonderful but sometimes needs a punt to make a decision; this despite being in a professional role and being perfectly competent.

BIL1 can dither for his country, again despite being a senior manager.

People are people...

Nobody's son fits those stereotypes! But somehow almost everyone's husband does... 😉 I'm sure your son is absolute perfection.

To the OP, I agree with you! It's not fair.

Yes I have found the most disillusioning part of having children has been realising how little men do on the whole, even modern men who I had naively thought were past this.

My husband is great overall, but I think the general standard is quite low. I still think I do a lot more home/life/child related.

If we were to split up I am not sure I would be with a man again