Apart from a bereavement- what has been the greatest sorrow of your life?

[Insywinsy2]

I know pretty morbid but I have been reflecting on life recently now that I’m getting closer to 40.
I have experienced loss with close family passing away but the greatest sorrow in my life is only having my children 50/50 since their dad left a few years ago. It still fills me with such grief knowing that, although I do agree it is best for them to spend time with us both.

I'm really sorry. It must be really difficult to live with the what ifs.

Please don't feel guilty. You were a child.

Having been spoilt rotten by my fiancé, followed by a beautiful church wedding only to have him go missing within a few weeks. Turns out he had a boyfriend. It took years to find out what had happened. I was humiliated and still being congratulated when he disappeared.

I know right.

That the BBC is so incredibly biased. Israel is being bombed by hezbolla and by terrorists from Gaza. Its only because of the Dome that there aren't thousands of dead Israelis. There are many internal refugees in Israel. But we never hear of this on the BBC.

It’s like a child in the playground who is being picked on and attacked by all sides and yet because he defends himself, he’s to blame!

Exactly. I was amazed that I have not heard or seen the BBC mention that the goal of Hezbollah is to eliminate the state of Israel and that it has fired thousands of rockets into civilian areas of Israel in the past year. Imagine the furore if a terrorist group fired even one rocket into the UK.

I know! See my comment to @Lyraloo .

That's so sad. I had PND after DS and I still cry (22 years later) over what was lost and I say sorry to him in my head all the time.

I was lucky enough to have a DD 3 years after DS with no PND at all and whilst I was so grateful for that, it just highlighted what I didn't have with DS and it broke my heart over again.

You didn't allow it - you were groomed into it. It must all have been very confusing for you. ❤️

For me it’s chronic illness. I know we’re not supposed to let it define us and we’re more than the illness itself. BUT, it does define me to a certain extent because I’m too ill too work, meaning I’m bored and feel worthless/useless. And I’m often too ill to enjoy life. It’s like being a spectator in your own life, not a participant, and you watch from the sidelines as it passes you by.

I really understand.

You're not worthless or useless though. Your worth is so more than how productive you are.

@ HAELTHEPAIN
You are not worthless. A lot of people don't realise how boring chronic illnesses can be and it's easy to drop off your friends' radar as it's sometimes difficult to talk if you are having a bad day or when you may not be able to get out. The only practical things I can suggest is to keep up with world and local news and when you are up to it, invite people around for wine and chat. There's plenty to discuss right now. The other thing is to write letters to others in the same boat as you. You can write a bit at a time if you are too poorly to write it all at once. Everyone loves a handwritten letter.... I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time, OP. I do hope that tomorrow is a better day for you.

@Tryonemoretime and @CopKiller Thank you so much. That really means a lot. 🩷

If you want to DM me, you're welcome.

I am another one with chronic illness and agree.

We are worth something in ourselves not just as a producer of anything.

I know full well that feeling of being a bystander but I have come to terms with it and just focus on what I can do not what I can't

Gentle hugs

Happy for DM's too

I’m the child of an alcoholic (now dead) that made for a horrendous 21 years.

Yes, a friend of mine gave me some advice a few years ago when I was getting frustrated about not being able to do things. I kept trying to keep up my old level of activity and I'd only make myself exhausted and in a lot of pain. He said, you can only do what you can do.

It's really obvious advice but it helped me enormously. There's no point beating myself up about things I literally can't do. If I need to rest, I need to rest. That's ok.

Complete estrangement from all my biological family.

That is great advice. My life changed dramatically 9 months ago. I feel as though i have ran into a brick wall, i don't have half the energy that i did and it has been so hard to come to terms with. I have to pick and choose what i do every day and rest ( something i never done) often. It is very true, you can only do what you can do💜

Knowing I’ll never have a partner or children and the loneliness I feel in my day to day life has probably been a greater sorrow for me than the bereavements I’ve gone through (parent, grandparents, close friend), the sorrow of a bereavement is of course more painful and intense initially but then has become more manageable, although less intense the sorrow of being alone is an everyday sadness that I am constantly reminded of during my day to day life, at almost every social occasion and when watching almost every tv show etc; its very hard to avoid depictions of love, romance, children and family life.

Bereavement overshadows everything - losing my dad is by far the worst thing.

Other than that though was going back to work full time after having ds2 to support my dh's mental health difficulties. He was a good stay at home dad considering the state his anxiety was in but I feel like I missed out on being as day to day involved with the dc as I would have liked.

Wondering who I would and could have been if I hadn’t been sexually abused by birth father who was enabled and supported by birth mother. Reporting him to the police in my 40s and getting legal “justice” while he was and continues to be supported by estranged birth mother and brother is a daily ongoing betrayal.

Me too. Long Covid hit in 2021 and it's changed my life. Going to London only works if I do nothing when I get there so no more National Gallery visits. I can no longer plan 3 activities in a day and sometimesj ust need to be quiet. Socialising is wonderful but it often exhausts ne so having people for meals isn't happening much. And I still won't flipping learn and then, Boom, crash!