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Original poster

Apart from a bereavement- what has been the greatest sorrow of your life?

499 replies

Insywinsy2 · 05/09/2024 08:34

I know pretty morbid but I have been reflecting on life recently now that I’m getting closer to 40.
I have experienced loss with close family passing away but the greatest sorrow in my life is only having my children 50/50 since their dad left a few years ago. It still fills me with such grief knowing that, although I do agree it is best for them to spend time with us both.

OP posts:
CopKiller · 06/09/2024 20:22

partridgeinasweartree · 06/09/2024 19:23

The parental alienation leading to the end of my relationship with my two eldest children has been devastating.

I'm so sorry 🌺🌺🌺

anon666 · 06/09/2024 20:22

My daughter self-harming, getting anorexia and then a major suicidal depression.

I live a day at a time. 🙏

lololove · 06/09/2024 20:23

Being a 24/7 carer to 2 family members, one of which I was forced into doing and despised that person despite but had a duty of care towards them (I know now things have changed and I could have stepped away but noone tells you that at 18 and things weren't set up the same way in the 90s and 00s) for all my young adult hearts which means I haven't had the same experiences as my friends and family of relationships and kids because I couldn't leave my relatives and had no respite and now it's too late to even try for kids (and I'm still stuck as a carer so no chance to do so either way)

Lyraloo · 06/09/2024 20:32

Insywinsy2 · 05/09/2024 09:16

That is sad. But I think I would struggle too to have beliefs that are completely at odds with my friends too especially about a genocide.

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So what others do to Isreal us ok is it?

orangegato · 06/09/2024 20:33

caramac04 · 05/09/2024 12:39

Mine sounds very selfish and unimportant compared to others but here goes.
All my life I have wanted to live on the coast . I think it’s because I suffered several years of SA as a child but this never happened when I was on holiday.
I have finally got to the stage in my life when I can realise my dream but the reactions from some of my dc (adults) made me feel like I’d been punched in the gut. I actually feel like vomiting if I think about not being able to move.
I know I’m being ridiculous and should count my blessings and I’m trying hard to practice gratitude.

How come you can’t move? My dream is the coast too!

orangegato · 06/09/2024 20:35

Bringbackspring · 05/09/2024 17:42

I haven't suffered a really significant bereavement of a family member or friend yet (bracing myself for that). But the thing that haunts me the most, and may sound trivial to many people, is the death of my cat. He was very much my cat, we had a really close bond. He was unwell for a couple months before he passed but we thought it was something fixable and that it was in hand. He seemed overall quite well in the circumstances. That turned out not to be the case, he in fact had a massive tumour in his nose.

I went away for a week just before it was obvious there was something seriously wrong. I remember so clearly looking down and petting him goodbye (as in, see you in a week type of goodbye) and he sort of looked at me with pleading eyes as if to say somethings wrong, please don't leave. But I honestly thought he had something minor and I hate myself that I was actually being relieved to get a few days break from it all and for DH to take over.

Anyway, long story short, he went down hill very quickly and very badly and I cut my trip short. I went to the veterinary hospital and he was in the ICU with the most horrendous looking face where things had got so bad. We had to have him put to sleep there and then. He was responsive so he knew I was there and he was trying to sit with me but he was so heavily sedated. The whole thing was so horrific and traumatising, it was 3 years ago and I can barely let myself think about it. I'm crying just typing this. The guilt I feel at leaving him in his time of need is crushing.

Poor kitty, but he’s lucky he was so loved! I feel the same about mine, he means more to be than anyone could understand.

Tryonemoretime · 06/09/2024 20:42

Cattyisbatty · 05/09/2024 09:23

That’s really sad. We are Jewish and unfortunately our student DD has let’s say, different opinions to us on the issue. We just don’t talk about it. Ironically she is the one who has spent the most time in Israel - I haven’t been since I was a teen. I have tried to educate her but it’s to no effect and it’s now a ‘don’t mention the war’ scenario.

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My brothers and o have decided not to talk about it any more - it's too divisive.

choccytime · 06/09/2024 20:53

@Pliudev am so very sorry , I thought my heart would break when my spaniel died 💐

choccytime · 06/09/2024 20:57

@caramac04 I moved to the coast , not everyone was too happy at the time but people adapt and all is well now . Do it you only get one life

Kjpt140v · 06/09/2024 21:08

MidwichCuckoo · 05/09/2024 09:47

I just wish I'd had a different mum. My mum's awful. She lies, bullies, bitches, harasses. She has a sweet public face which makes it worse.

Edited

I feel for you. My life has in many ways been ruined by her. I have a fantastic wife who has helped me through more than 50 years of mental torture.
Sadly the day she dies, fingers will be pointed at me, but I've done everything I can to build bridges. She's impossible, and there will never be a reconciliation.

Boohbooh · 06/09/2024 21:09

Infertility. The inability to give my son a sibling.

LondonLass61 · 06/09/2024 21:11

partridgeinasweartree · 06/09/2024 19:23

The parental alienation leading to the end of my relationship with my two eldest children has been devastating.

❤️

LondonLass61 · 06/09/2024 21:14

Topsyturveymam · 06/09/2024 18:00

Not bringing to light parental abuse when younger. Letting that set the tone of my 20s where I took all kinds of crap and didn’t stand up for myself. Domestic abuse from partners, sexual harassment in the workplace from my (much older) manager. I took it all.
Im so much stronger now .So yes there’s regrets for the time lost and what I suffered…but also gratitude for what I have now and how much I have grown.

❤️

HoppityBun · 06/09/2024 21:14

Pliudev · 06/09/2024 18:11

Having my dog put to sleep yesterday and watching my son help to dig his grave. There are far greater tragedies on here and I know my loss does not compare but I'm heartbroken.

I’m so sorry. I know that bereavement is not supposed to be included here, but I’m mourning the end of 23 years living with animals. I feel desolate. They won’t be replaced- I can’t even deal with it now but I’d be destroyed if I had to do it again when I am older. I have loved and still love them so, so much. I literally am feeling your pain.

shehasglasses48 · 06/09/2024 21:14

I agree. We are never off the hook Its a constant and exhausting vigil x

Drearydiedre · 06/09/2024 21:16

Watching my sisters life destroyed by mental and physical illness while feeling powerless to help.

PauliesWalnuts · 06/09/2024 21:20

Not finding someone to get married and have children with. I did try but it just didn’t happen. I’m now 52, a relationship I was in has just ended because it turns out he just didn’t love me, and I can’t try again - I can’t hurt like this again.

StarDolphins · 06/09/2024 21:24

That I had an alcoholic mother that I’m sure didn’t really love me or my sister. Chaotic childhood with different men coming & going. Then my poor sister died, then her DD died. All because of the knock on effect of an alcoholic mother. Then feeling guilt because my alcoholic mother had a terrible childhood too - lost her mum when she was 8, had an emotionally unavailable father & then was raped by a stranger in a park.

Still, all those lives ruined.

But, I feel eternally grateful that my grandparents stepped in & I am much more stable & secure.

Not having a safe, stable mother-daughter bond brings sadness though.

Biggirlnow · 06/09/2024 21:27

My ex Fi calling off the wedding. Was worse than my parent dying and utterly traumatised me and shattered my life and personality.

Dodo23 · 06/09/2024 21:39

PurpleChrayn · 05/09/2024 09:14

My dearest friend turning against me after October 7th because she perceives my support of Israel to be so distasteful to her as to negate decades of friendship.

This woman was there for me through the death of my partner. We set up two businesses together, and shared everything. She's a Christian, I'm a Jew, but that was never an issue.

However, when October 7th happened, and I was outspoken in my support of Israel (I have an Israeli husband and two children) she cut me off completely. I'm devastated.

As others have said, Israel has gone too far. I couldn't be friends with someone who supports what they have done. This isn't a difference of opinion on something like Brexit, it's genocide.

Sheeparelooseagain · 06/09/2024 21:39

The thought that one day my severely disabled son will be without me and his dad.

TreacleMoon123 · 06/09/2024 21:43

I'm so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine that heartbreak 💔

Hardknocks · 06/09/2024 21:45

Not seeking help for my postnatal depression sooner. I lost my DD’s entire first year to rage, sadness and just a black cloud. I don’t even remember it. She’s going to be our only and I can’t explain how much I regret missing that newborn experience.

AnnaCBi · 06/09/2024 21:57

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 05/09/2024 16:30

But you should have been.

You made this thread, presumably, so people could get support. This thread is nothing to do about Gaza or Israel or all the other human suffering in this cursed planet, it was - based off your initial post - about being coming together and sharing their sorrows. Getting support.

And if you're going to shoot people down based off their own experiences, you should have clarified it in your initial post.

You did not need to say anything because you saying something about Gaza on this thread makes no difference to what is happening in Gaza (because let's be honest, none of them are reading your posts on mumsnet) - but it could have made that poster feel worse. Have some empathy.

Edited
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I feel I can’t pass this by.

I, and presumably the OP, feel the poster should reconsider their moral stance on the genocide in Gaza. It’s not about people in Gaza reading the post, obviously.

kerstina · 06/09/2024 22:06

A serious mental health breakdown . I could write a book on what led to it and it was horrendous leading me to want to end it all after not sleeping for weeks.
I had visions and enlightenment during this time though that although yes I had cracked up and lost it still make a lot of sense to me. If we all had faith and no fear we would have everything we need right here for a perfect world . It has been wrecked by selfishness and drugs . I also had a thing about the people you thought were nice in life actually weren’t . It was all very biblical
I also had visions of the end of the world caused by man’s selfishness . Would love to chat with any others who can relate.