Apart from a bereavement- what has been the greatest sorrow of your life?

[Insywinsy2]

I know pretty morbid but I have been reflecting on life recently now that I’m getting closer to 40.
I have experienced loss with close family passing away but the greatest sorrow in my life is only having my children 50/50 since their dad left a few years ago. It still fills me with such grief knowing that, although I do agree it is best for them to spend time with us both.

When I was a kid, I thought my family was normal. I never realised that other people's families loved each other hugely, and that it wasn't normal to be the one who was openly not liked by their mother.

I was 13 when I found out. We had a PSHE lesson about families and relationships and someone said "I know even though I get in trouble at school, my mum loves me anyway". I cried. I was good at school, worked hard and was always praised, and my Mum still hated me.

I became very lovely after that and felt unlovable, that if my mum didn't love me who would?

The second worse was when I found out about my sister's death, and phoned my mother. I hadn't spoken to her in years as I left home at 16.
I was very upset to hear secondhand that my sister had died. I wasn't even sure the person who sent condolences was correct about it. So I called.

Rather than being nice to me, she said "I just lost the only daughter I ever loved and now I have to speak to you". It was like being 13 again.

I mean, I know she's incapable of loving me but jesus.

I hear you. Have experienced it myself, and wouldn't wish this on any parent.

@WillimNot
I wish I could give you a hug.
Xx

I hear you. I was an unwanted baby-the result of my mum’s affair and now at the age I am, I look back and think of the young girl I was bewildered by my mum’s inability to love me. She died when I was 15 and I didn’t really feel anything tbh. I have adult children of my own and tell them I love them all the time. Even when they were being told off or disciplined as children, they knew they were loved.

Oh my god, how awful.

I vividly remember my mum screaming in my face that she wished I'd never been born. I was about ten years old.

It stays with you, doesn't it? I had terrible low self esteem throughout my childhood.

Realising I must be one of the only people who was SA as a child and was made to feel like a princess. He never hurt me. I search the problem pages but never read of anyone who enjoyed it! Please don't think too badly of me. It has left its mark in later life, but at the time , it felt completely natural. It wasn't until I was 12 yrs old I realised how wrong it was and how disgusting I was to have allowed it! I honestly don't understand how I let it happen. The person is dead now and I don't understand how i dont hate him, as others who have been abused clearly do. I neither hate or love him. Just a nothingness.

My step dad telling me after my Mum's death, that he had in fact tolerated me for 30 years but now my Mum was dead, the game was over. He had of course allowed me to care for her, bury her and sort everything out after she died. I have offered an olive branch or two since then and he told me to go f* myself because he's happy how he is. We never even fell out, he was just telling the truth which I had always secretly feared.

@Twatalert did you message me - came as a blank ☺️

@jay55 for me also - my husband and a dear friend to Cancer.

Bless you, I understand ❤️ many people are harmed by medication. But other people don't understand if things like this haven't happened to them.

My life was also ruined by a prescription drug, a powerful antipsychotic called Pericyazine that was prescribed off label. I got brain damage from it and have a permanent neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia 💔😪

That I was neglected as a child, sent me to live with relatives and to boarding school and adults were reckless with my wellbeing.

That my mum walked away from her children and that damaged me beyond repair for my entire adult life

Battling to get my son to recognise he was in an abusive relationship and get him out of it.
Sitting with him in A&E night after night following multiple self harm and suicide attempts while he was in said abusive relationship.
Salvaging our destroyed relationship because he couldn't let me keep him safe and hated me for trying.
We were both left with PTSD from the events of that relationship, I've undergone EMDR to help me cope.

You are not disgusting, it wasn’t your responsibility to stop abuse happening to you, and your reaction and feelings about it are totally valid. It sounds like you were victim to a particularly effective manipulator.

Being told both my ex’s had fertility issues. 4 failed IVF attempts with the first one. Then separating… heart broken when I didn’t fall with DH & started having tests again. Just awful.

thankfully am blessed with one child now.

@Buddhalover - I’ve worked my whole adult life with vulnerable people, part of that is lots of training, we did training in sexual abuse and our trainer told us that he worked with this amazing guy, everyone thought how wonderful he was with the kids, they all gravitated towards him and seemed to have the most amazing relationship with all the kids!…. Decade later those children started coming forward saying they were abused by him…. Turns
out he groomed the children, made them feel special and loved, was never rough or aggressive, the children obviously couldn’t legally consent but for lack of a better word they were willing and loved the attention… (it’s absolutely sickening!!) but that is what grooming is…. This trainer had had to stand up in court and give evidence & he said that no one suspected, many of the victims wouldn’t testify as they STILL as adults were fond of this man, some apparently still saw him and said they loved him! People tend to associate SA as being rough, forceful and painful… I know I did… but that’s not the case at all…
Please don’t blame yourself, you are not disgusting!…. Children are
vulnerable and these predators prey on that innocence… the only disgusting people in these scenarios are the adults! It’s also great that you don’t hate him…. It takes far too much energy to hate someone, and he doesn’t deserve a moment more of your emotional energy or time x

You don't HAVE to be in the uk

If you need a friend I'm here. I'm happy to pass on my number so you can call or text me. I'm in Scotland, retired cop, not a crazy person, your post made me so sad. I'm here if you need me. (I'm only on the app so @ me so I can go on the laptop to read your messages) xx

Oh my love x I'm sending the biggest cuddle that I can xx

JellyComb I would also like to offer a listening ear. I’ve been there. ❤️❤️

So many truly heartbreaking posts. Sending love to you all. 💐💐

This makes me incredibly sad. There seems to be no redress and the NHS either string things out until people die or deny any responsibility.

Discovering that my daughter was being bullied at secondary school and was cutting herself....she's scarred for life because of those bullies....

Being forced to have an abortion at 15 by my then bf and his mum as it would have ruined his life apparently (I wanted my baby) and living with this secret every day, I am now in my 40’s. The guilt and regret I have makes me sick to my stomach. I wish I was stronger back then.

The stillbirth of 2 babies at 20 weeks and 16 weeks respectively. The loss of my mum and being currently NC with my 29 year old daughter who has ADHD/ASD (as do I) as she hates me for not being who she wants me to be and I’m ashamed to say I’m terrified of her.

Nothing. Discharged from Neurology as it seems psychological, Psychologist won't see her as it is a physical symptom. Tried appealing the Health Board decisions and turned down.