Apart from a bereavement- what has been the greatest sorrow of your life?

[Insywinsy2]

I know pretty morbid but I have been reflecting on life recently now that I’m getting closer to 40.
I have experienced loss with close family passing away but the greatest sorrow in my life is only having my children 50/50 since their dad left a few years ago. It still fills me with such grief knowing that, although I do agree it is best for them to spend time with us both.

Bereavement had to be tops over everything else but
A long term failed relationship between two mature kind and hopeful people (for reasons other than abuse etc) has brought great sorrow to me. It’s like a bereavement.

I lost a beautiful sister… hard to beat that.
infertility is really hard. I am now past the age when my friends are having children..they are now having grandchildren so the grief comes back.

Yes I also struggled with infertility and had treatment then to have my beautiful children.
and I agree, nothing can top a bereavement like the loss of a sibling

Supporting my dc through massive and multiple MH crises.
I can’t explain the dread and fear. It’s monumental.

i have 3 children i'm 40 now and had my youngest 3 years ago. my other 2 i had at 23 and 26. i wished id have had my youngest earlier so i could've had another child now i feel it's too late for me. i don't feel like i'm done with babies but my body definitely is

That I brought Dc up in a household full of bickering, rows and tension

Absolutely this. It ruins your life and is deeply traumatising.

My dearest friend turning against me after October 7th because she perceives my support of Israel to be so distasteful to her as to negate decades of friendship.

This woman was there for me through the death of my partner. We set up two businesses together, and shared everything. She's a Christian, I'm a Jew, but that was never an issue.

However, when October 7th happened, and I was outspoken in my support of Israel (I have an Israeli husband and two children) she cut me off completely. I'm devastated.

Miscarriage and years of infertility.... before experiencing this personally, I would never have known just how heartbreaking, draining, and all-consuming it can be.

That is sad. But I think I would struggle too to have beliefs that are completely at odds with my friends too especially about a genocide.

Apart from bereavement (which is way up there). Probably that DC struggle with their mental health - most likely undiagnosed adhd/asd - they’re adults now. DS also went through some trauma last year which compounded things (which def wouldn’t have happened without lockdowns). All a bit of an unfortunate chain of events.

Not so much a great sorrow but regret that I didn't have a long and happy marriage. It was long at 25 years but much unhappiness and we divorced 20 years ago, and he recently died.

I’m sorry, you have my sympathy. Israel’s government has gone way too far, but I understand your perspective at that time. Also you are helpless to influence events, it’s a great shame to lose a friend like that, rather than compassionately supporting each other through something so complex and traumatic.

Mine is my relationship with my mother. It has never ever been right, and it causes different sorrows at each stage of life. Effectively I have never had a mothering relationship and I still feel the lack to this day. (She’s present, but emotionally abusive).

That’s really sad. We are Jewish and unfortunately our student DD has let’s say, different opinions to us on the issue. We just don’t talk about it. Ironically she is the one who has spent the most time in Israel - I haven’t been since I was a teen. I have tried to educate her but it’s to no effect and it’s now a ‘don’t mention the war’ scenario.

That I could not stop a lovely ex, taking drugs. I wish I had tried harder to get him help but they took his life, slowly at first and then ultimately.

I fucking hate drugs. Even cannabis. All of it is shite and wrecks peoples lives, their health and their wealth.

Sitting listening to the "Blah, blah, blah" of the Consultant's voice as he explained that DH's cancer was always going to be terminal and that the survival rate at 5 years was 0%.

What happened in my homeland (ex-Yugoslavia, the '90s). The war and everything that followed has marked multiple generations and has completely changed my life - even if I lost no close family members and did not have to leave my home. And there are so many wars going on now.

My DH sometimes fondly remembers his life in the '90s, and I startle. Of course I also have some nice memories, it was my youth too! But most of what I look back on is bitter and melancholy.

Having chronic fatigue for a decade, it was miserable as hell watching life pass me by when all i wanted to do was sleep

I lost a sibling in quite horrific circumstances. But worse than the bereavement, was the criminal trial that followed. It was worse than I could have imagined and I'm not sure I'll ever fully recover from it.

@PurpleChrayn I’m so sorry 🤗

Mine is my whole time at university. I was bullied relentlessly by two people who are now a married couple. One of them was a member of the student welfare team - and actually went on to become head of student welfare - so nobody ever believed me. The other one is now a primary school teacher. I sometimes wonder if they ever think of me and what they did to me.

This is such a moving and vulnerable thread. Thank you all for sharing.

It is a hard thing to quantify, but up there for me would be a sense that my enjoyment and fulfilment of my sexuality has been irrevocably compromised by multiple incidences of sexual violence, harassment and abuse as a girl and young woman - both the big obvious kind and the everyday insidious stuff. This does make me very sad if I dwell on it. And angry too.

Marrying the wrong man and sharing a child with him who prefers him.

I just wish I'd had a different mum. My mum's awful. She lies, bullies, bitches, harasses. She has a sweet public face which makes it worse.

Apart from losing loved ones, handing my DD over for surgeries at 6 days old and 7 months old. Absolutely terrifying.

My DH crying after another disgusting message from his mum on Mother’s Day. That broke my heart.

Ringing the police on my teen ds knowing I could never have a relationship with him after that moment... Broke me. Keeping myself together and my family has taken it's toll on my mh. Better if he had died and at least I could grieve.. Boxed up and forgotten has been the only way...