Apart from a bereavement- what has been the greatest sorrow of your life?

[Insywinsy2]

I know pretty morbid but I have been reflecting on life recently now that I’m getting closer to 40.
I have experienced loss with close family passing away but the greatest sorrow in my life is only having my children 50/50 since their dad left a few years ago. It still fills me with such grief knowing that, although I do agree it is best for them to spend time with us both.

oh no, this is so very sad :( I'm so sorry for you

😥

Being diagnosed with a rare neurological autoimmune disease 12 years ago. End of my teaching career and I struggle every day with just living my life at home. I can't even look after my family very well though I am home all day. My life is forever changed and there's nothing anyone can really do about it.

Mam dying when I was very early 20’s and whilst being there physically until then, the reality is from the age of about 13 she was an alcoholic so couldn’t be a proper mother. I couldn’t rely on her ever.

Dad was abusive and a self centred prick (no wonder my mam drank so much!)

Then having 2 children and one having SEN. I worry about how their life will pan out, will they ever be independent? And do even the normal things that most people find mundane and take for granted. What will happen if I died? I get upset about where that would leave my DC.

Absolutely none of the above was in any way made by decisions I made. I do find it hard to listen to people who complain about things that they’ve caused.

Bereavement definitely tops but also being 50 and never having found any love in a relationship - have had relationships - but never been truly loved for who I am - I have been fancied and liked alot but not loved and not accepted just as I am and this caused alot of suffering and anguish for me and feelings of inadequacy which remain with me now despite being single.

I'd say losing my dad when I was a kid eclipsed anything else.
But I'd say domestic violence, and being let down by family who you hoped had your back. Those were actually worse in some ways. Bc everyone has to experience bereavement at some point, but nobody should have to experience abuse.

My greatest sorrow is leaving it too late to have another child after having DS at 40. But I'm so grateful that i had him. He will have to be an only but he seems fine with it.

I really relate to your final paragraph. The recent Southport murders hit me very hard and I still struggle to think about them without crying. The world is just too cruel sometimes.

Mostly coming from an abusive home. My dad was a nasty alcoholic and my mum was physically and emotionally abusive. Neither parent had any time or anything good to say about me and I grew up with very bad anxiety and poor boundaries.

I was also bullied very badly at school and by the teachers. So I am hyper vigilant. I find it very difficult to trust.

I've also had several abusive relationships because I didn't know what a healthy relationship looked like. All of this contributed to poor mental health.

I have three degrees and a lot of experience but have been off work for years due to agoraphobia.

I wonder what my one life could have been like had I come from a decent background.

Watching my sweet, kind-hearted, sensitive boy get bullied relentlessly for years and seeing the impact on his mental health. He has recently developed psychogenic non-epileptic seizures as a consequence - another thing that he has to deal with, while the fuckers who did this to him [including one of my nieces] just merrily carry on with their lives.

Also - having a mother with severe mental health difficulties which made her violent and cruel. I have never got over wanting a mother-figure who could mother me rather than asking me to parent her.

Having Postnatal Depression . Was much more than I could ever image and thinking back to that time genuinely crushes my soul.

Apart from bereavement, ds2's suicide attempt. I was upset that he was upset, felt guilty that he couldn't tell me/I didn't notice and I know it sounds pathetic but I feel like I lost the last bit of my innocence that day.

My younger 2 dc being taken to nicu. I felt like someone had taken out part of my soul and put it somewhere far away. I didn't have dh with me either for most of the time either because he was looking after the older dc which made it so much harder.

I don’t think you can say one type of bereavement tops another.

One of my siblings was born with cerebral palsy affecting both physically and mentally.It has had a lasting effect on the whole family and must have been particularly awful for my mother.

Infertility. Knowing that I won’t have a family.

Loneliness

She wasn’t the friend you thought and I’d suggest there were other things at play here, maybe reasons you don’t know and will never know.

Im sorry that happened to you.

❤️ that’s really hard

Losing the love of my life to a manipulative liar who everyone could see through except him. They're still together.

DH developing dementia. In some forms it takes quite a long time to develop, in DH's case (Lewy Bodies), it has developed quite quickly and the symptoms and consequences are devastating. Increasing paranoia led to him being sectioned. He has recovered but now requires constant care. it is a rollercoaster though. Sometimes he can recognise me sometimes not. A few friends and family have been supportive. Most have gone silent and done so quickly. Bereavement is terrible but with this type of dementia you lose people and then you lose them again and again. It is difficult.

my word, I’ve suffered none of these things other than awful bereavement. Just wanted to say how amazing you all are for carrying on and finding the strength somewhere

4 years of infertility. We had a MMC at the beginning, naturally. Then couldn't get pregnant again. I had been given a taste of being pregnant and on my way to becoming a mum, and it was taken for it to not happen again. The doctors telling me to prepare for ICSI being our only chance was the first time I really realised I'd have to grieve the life I thought I'd have with children.

I was lucky in the end. ICSI worked and brought us our first then a surprise and against all odds natural conception with second. I now have two boys but that 4 years was full of grief and trying to think of an alternate future I had never contemplated before.

I saw your post, its heartbreaking isnt it?
It was worse when I had DS 4 years later and fell in love with him as soon as I was handed him, it made me realise how I should have felt with DD and didn't.
I frequently tell DD I love her but I am not sure she knows how much, she has a lot of self esteem issues and I can't help but wonder if its my fault

Seeing my husbands face when we were told I had cancer and also then telling our teenage children.