Apart from a bereavement- what has been the greatest sorrow of your life?

[Insywinsy2]

I know pretty morbid but I have been reflecting on life recently now that I’m getting closer to 40.
I have experienced loss with close family passing away but the greatest sorrow in my life is only having my children 50/50 since their dad left a few years ago. It still fills me with such grief knowing that, although I do agree it is best for them to spend time with us both.

I had an old headmaster who retired to Canada then came back. I think the harsh winters can shock people. It might not be permanent

Only having one child after which I had multiple miscarriages then two babies dying within 48 hours.

DS is grown up now and a father himself but the longing never really goes away, especially as I finally met a wonderful man but we could never have a child of our own.

Having an autoimmune disease that has left me disabled and relent of my fantastic DH.

The fact my DM died before I met my third DH, a man she woukd gave loved as much as me, and after seeing me go through one violent marriage and one who cheated on me, she would have been so pleased I met a wonderful man who I'm still married to 25 years later.

Finding out about my husband's affair after being together 17 years with a young child and a baby.

It destroyed me. I'm not saying I was unable to function or get on with life but it changed me. I lost the hopefulness and the belief that people are generally good. Plus managing the impact it had on our kids, my family and his family destroyed me all over again.

People forget the wider implications of affairs and that he didn't just cheat on me. It broke my mother's heart as she thought of him as a son and then that relationship's just gone. Same with my father in law but to be fair, we've kept a good relationship which is more than can be said about my ex.

It's only now 8 years that I'm starting to feel like me again. I never envisioned that I'd be on my own with the kids but life doesn't turn out the way you expect sometimes.

Death in general I cope with surprisingly well, and I've been through a few other things that should be top of the list too.

But the visceral pain I feel from my sisters suicide never fades.

My dad dying knocked all security out of my life but dh saying he’s not sure if he loves me anymore has hit me as hard. Am grieving the life we had. Also when dm’s back went (aged her within weeks and now she’s a stoopy old lady that shuffles), and db starting to talk to himself (autism but has shot downwards since we all moved out)

Mine sounds very selfish and unimportant compared to others but here goes.
All my life I have wanted to live on the coast . I think it’s because I suffered several years of SA as a child but this never happened when I was on holiday.
I have finally got to the stage in my life when I can realise my dream but the reactions from some of my dc (adults) made me feel like I’d been punched in the gut. I actually feel like vomiting if I think about not being able to move.
I know I’m being ridiculous and should count my blessings and I’m trying hard to practice gratitude.

A few broken bones caused some pain and sorrow ( being incapacitated makes you appreciate your arms and legs a lot more ) but ( honestly) being bereaved is the worst. Especially one that involved coroners.
A really dark time for everyone.

Abusive childhood.

This might sound bizarre, but I'd count 7 October as one of the most traumatic events of my life even though I am in no way directly affected by it (and normally consider myself someone who pays no attention to things beyond my influence). The horrific sadism torments me - scenes keep jumping into my mind unbidden, so I just force myself to think about something else. Learning to accept that evil has always existed in the world, and always will, is easier said than done.

I think the inquest on the death of my husband was more painful than the bereavement.

One particular acute episode some years before he died pretty much broke me. I have never been quite the same since. I think I was tougher and less kind after that. Our relationship suffered too, though we patched things up.

Not giving ds a sibling.

I got divorced once and it was horrific, worse than all my losses combined

My mother is an alcoholic. She will never get treatment. It has destroyed our family. It's like a bereavement

Alcoholism and addiction has been my biggest greatest sorrow. My DM died of an overdose, my DF passed because of Alcohol, now my DSis is an Alcoholic too and her life has spiralled so awfully. Makes me so sad

My stbxh up and leaving me. It was entirely out of the blue (of course there was another woman involved) - I felt actual physical pain because of him.

Having years of infertility treatment including 4 mmc's.

Finally having our DD who was perfect in every way but then she suffered a life threatening condition at 6 months old which left her with severe learning difficulties.

She is 30 now and incredibly happy - we have had to fight so hard all of her life to obtain the best SN schools and as an adult for the best possible supported living close to us which she fortunately has - but I can't help looking at her and wishing life had been so different for her.

I lost my lovely brother far too young and when he had only had a few short years with his daughter. That my Dad with his brilliant mind has Alzheimer's.

My PND after DD that meant I didn't really bond with her and just found her annoying rather than enjoying her. I went through the motions and nobody realised but I didn't take any joy in her in the way DH did. I fell in love with her slowly from around 1 onwards and completely adore her now.
She is off to Uni soon and It makes me so sad that any time at all I had with her was wasted on wishing I had never had her.

The break up of my marriage due to my ex-h emotional affair and his indifference of me when we decided to end it. But much worse was only seeing my children 50/50 (as someone has mentioned further up). Being a part time parent is something I'll never get used to. Also ex-h's treatment of me since the separation (reporting me to benefits office accusing me of fraudulently claiming benefits, reporting me to social services . . ) it goes on. And DS deciding to live with ex-h full time as his house is more 'fun' (ie no discipline, no bedtimes, constant takeaways, not caring about schoolwork etc . . . ) it breaks my heart my kids live like this.

Being SA’d between the ages of around 8/9 to 16, by a person who was was supposed to be a safe and trusted adult to me, who then manipulated me into secrecy until I was well into adulthood. And then the whole dynamics of the relationships with my family who I love so dearly, but they did not take it seriously and even defended him (the abuser) and didn’t support me going to the police as it had been “all those years ago”. I’m still in contact with my family as I really love them so much, and they are wonderful in other ways, and I have actually even forgiven my abuser, (I am a Christian) but the pain of my small childhood self going through all that trauma alone in secret, and being labelled as disruptive, crazy, spoilt, difficult through my teenage years (when I was only dealing with what was happening to me) by school and others, and then my family later in just dismissing all that pain, I just feel so so sad about still.

Whilst I do "get on with it" having two disabilities has fucked my ambitions over countless times

There are so many brave sad stories on this thread, some of them have made me well up with tears.

Mine is my battle with secondary infertility and then having to make the choice to reduce an extremely high risk triplet pregnancy down to a single pregnancy. She is 5 now and lights up my life everyday, but one day I will have to tell her.

Apart from bereavement: seeing my Autistic Dc's struggles. FEAR for them when I'm not here (no wider family). It keeps me awake at night. Often.

Definitely my DDs mental health struggles. I have never experienced helplessness and sadness like it in my life. We're not out of the woods yet but she has more good days than bad days these days although she's going through a dip right now.

My Dad has horrendous depression his whole life due to abuse from his Mother as a little boy, he never got over it and always a sadness about him. As a result he wasn’t the best Dad to us and I always thought I would get a phone call saying he had killed himself. I grew up with that fear, sadly he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died when I was 30. The fact he never found peace will forever harbour a deep sadness with me. I hope he in last few weeks he felt some kind of peace being with his children and wife there right to the end, it just all seems very unfair.

One thing that I still can't talk about.

The other is developing an auto immune disease. Not only has it taken away my career and my health and fitness, I also have to deal with piss poor treatment from the NHS, and I often can't afford enough to eat because I'm on UC. Going to bed hungry without any treatment for severe pain is utterly miserable.