What do you think of this situation?

[TheScream268]

Interested to see what people think of this situation.

2 kids under 10. One nursery age.

Husband works 80-100 hours a week. Rarely home before midnight, often home in the early hours of the morning. Earns £200k+ in a stressful job. Sleeps till late on the weekend, then heads to the gym. Enjoys a few drinks on weekend nights, then sleeps late the next morning. Sees the kids for maybe 2-3 hours a week - might take them to the park or the shop at the weekend or do a bit of homework with the older one but that's it.

Wife does freelance work around the kids. Before the youngest was born, used to earn maybe £20-30k a year. Wife hasn't worked much since the toddler arrived (not in nursery). Wife does all the housework, cooking, childcare, school runs, bedtime, bath-time, trips out with the kids, birthday parties, night wakings, sick days.

Husband transfers the wife £800pcm to pay for everything relating to the kids and house.

I think your husband is a cheeky shit!

Sounds awful.

What is the £800 supposed to cover? Food bills and house bills on top of anything children related like their clothes, clubs etc?

So long as they are both happy with it and the money covers expenses. It's a shame dad doesn't get more time with the children but if that's the choice the family have made, who am I to have an opinion

Exactly what does that £800 cover? ‘The kids and house’ is vague. Food as well?

Does he pay for all bills, mortgage etc?

Even so, on that money, £800 is very stingy. Why is there not a joint account?

What do you mean what do people think of it?

Some men are happy working like that. Some men are miserable.

Some women are happy with set ups like that. Some aren’t.

Not sure how £800 per month (if wife no longer works much) covers all household and kids expenses though.

I'd assume that's pin money and he pays for bills and mortgage. In which case I'd see that as ok

Our situation is similar.
I work one day a week for fun tho my kids are teens. And dh gives me 400 for expenses plus I earn my own

The wife should have equal access to family money imo.

Is she happy in the situation? Is he? If they are then that's what matters.

I have full access to joint account and tbh dh has no idea what bills are what. I do it all.

I’d say what is the point of 200k when you physically aren’t there for the kids? 80-100 hours when you have kids is as good as child neglect

Husband pays the mortgage and some of the household bills (council tax and car-related stuff). The £800 covers the rest of the bills, any childcare the wife needs to work (getting a babysitter for a few hours before a work deadline, for instance), kids clothes, activities, swimming lessons, food for wife and kids (the husband eats separately), dentist/optician for kids and any miscellaneous expenses. The wife does her work in the early hours before the kids wake up.

Husband goes on holiday by himself to recover from his stressful job. The wife mostly takes the kids to visit her parents.

Wow, he earns a lot. £800 a month is not a lot in the grand scheme of his take home pay op….

I would question the point of being married when he only spends a couple of hours a week with the family and doesn’t even go on holiday with them.

I'd be filing for divorce on the grounds that he's a) never there and b) a tight fisted shitebag.

And I'd enjoy my share of the assets and move on. You might as well be a single parent with your cut of the money he's been able to earn because you're doing everything else.

Husband doesn't think the wife does enough homework/enrichment stuff with the older child. Wife says it's difficult to do more around the toddler, cleaning the house, making dinner, doing the kids' activities and her own work.

Wife sometimes books a babysitter for a few hours on the weekend so she can take the older DC out by themselves (to school parties and stuff like that).

No family help.

£800 is a ridiculous amount - I spend thst just on food in a month for two of us and a cat and our combined income is under a quarter of what the husband earns!

I think the kids might not miss their dad so much if mum is sick of the situation.

I think husband sounds like a cheeky fucker who might want to invest some more of his own time enriching his kids lives before they grow up thinking of him as totally irrelevant.

We spend £800 a month on food (too much salmon, berries and oat milk).

Wow what an awful deal. Unless the wife is able to spend more than that on whatever she wishes- access to joint account?
When I was between jobs my DH gave me 800 a month to spend on bits and bobs for me/kids
He earns significantly less and I used to get on to him about not doing his fair share of household/child duties.

Marriage with DC is supposed to be a family and a partnership. If you are the wife in this scenario OP how do you feel?
IMHO
Wife should have access to all money as shared bank account.
IF wife and husband still want to be in relationship then they need to talk of changes that need to be made.
IF Wife not wishing to stay in relationship, wife should divorce husband due to unreasonable behaviour.

Wife would surely get more if she moved out and lived separately and wouldn't have her husband's criticism to contend with.

800 is a paltry amount.

Alternatively wife should work fulltime and leave it up to her DH to sort round the clock childcare, split holidays and weekends.....

Why is the DH working these hours if his family don't gain from it.

I actually made a sharp intake of breath when you got to the amount. How does something this unfair even start? You're basically an ultra cheap housekeeper, nanny and PA, and I'm guessing prostitute too. He's an absolute selfish shit.

Would be a no from me... whether I am working or not all money goes into a joint account, everything any of us want / need is paid from that.

Do you need to save some of the £800 a month in case the washing machine goes? If the dc decide to take up a new hobby does the £800 get increased or do they have to give something up?

Personally I would be calling time on the current situation and divorcing him (sounds like it wouldn't affect the dc much as they don't see him anyway) or announcing I'd be going back to work f/t and employing a housekeeper / nanny (from the family money). Will cost him a lot more than £800!

Yeah, that's no way to live. The only possible justification for it is that the money the husband's workaholic lifestyle brings in could result in increased opportunities for the children. Looks like that's really not happening so I don't see that anyone in the family is benefitting at the moment.

Sounds like wife is married to the domestic setup and husband is married to his job. They're not a team ... or even on the same team.

That's insane... 😳😒 £9k per month and the poor (quite literally) wife gets a meagre pittance from that. Goodness, if I was the wife, I'd be telling the "D"H where to stick his money and divorce him.

Get a cleaner and nanny and work full time as others have said, as an alternative...