What do you think of this situation?

[TheScream268]

Interested to see what people think of this situation.

2 kids under 10. One nursery age.

Husband works 80-100 hours a week. Rarely home before midnight, often home in the early hours of the morning. Earns £200k+ in a stressful job. Sleeps till late on the weekend, then heads to the gym. Enjoys a few drinks on weekend nights, then sleeps late the next morning. Sees the kids for maybe 2-3 hours a week - might take them to the park or the shop at the weekend or do a bit of homework with the older one but that's it.

Wife does freelance work around the kids. Before the youngest was born, used to earn maybe £20-30k a year. Wife hasn't worked much since the toddler arrived (not in nursery). Wife does all the housework, cooking, childcare, school runs, bedtime, bath-time, trips out with the kids, birthday parties, night wakings, sick days.

Husband transfers the wife £800pcm to pay for everything relating to the kids and house.

You'd get more in maintenance, plus the house. Leave him, get a job, he's dead weight.

She thinks it's his problem if he misses out.

In some ways I agree.
There are few jobs that are asking some9 e to work the way he does.
And even if his job does ask for that, it’s still his choice to carry on. He could chose to have a lesser paid job (even on half his wage, he’d earn £100k a year!) agd see his dcs more.
Plus there is little his wife can do about it.

Sounds sad and awful. All that money. What's the point?

What I see though is a very transactional relationship.
And not a lot of a relationship anyway. Who in earth goes away on hols on their own?? All the time??

On any other thread on here, people would be screaming OW.

I dint think it’s a marriage at all.
The £800 per month is a joke.

Im wondering why the wife is staying tbh. Even the money doesn’t seem to be the most obvious answer. She’d have a much more lavish lifestyle separated and receiving CM.

I think you might have a better life as a separated couple! He would be forced to pay proper maintenance: and would take the kids at weekends. Honestly what are you getting out of this relationship OP. Are you his wife or a paid dogsbody 🤣

I think it’s everyone’s problem if he misses out on spending time with them.

Thats also his choice.
Not something his wife can do anything about, wether it’s fir herself or for the dcs. If something changes, it will have to be him making that choice and changing jobs.

Living like that, I can see why the wife detached. He is never there!

Awful. So little time with his children. I would not want that life for myself or my dc.

Sounds like a sad way to bring up children.

What an existence. The husband lives to work and the wife is a single parent suffering financial abuse. The children have no relationship with their father.

So basically you're a single mum

OP, try saying 'I', instead of 'the wife'. It might help you face up to what a shit situation you're in.

I don't understand why you had a second child before sorting these issues out

He sounds like an utter cunt.

you'd be better off divorcing the prick - emotionally & financially.

You deserve a better life than 'domestic appliance'

Is this a real thread, including what you and kids are eating????

Please can you just write your responses in the first person or state your position in this bizarre set up.

Do you not have any friends or social life, what do other people say about your husband that holidays alone?

There doesn't seem to be a single reason or advantage for you to be in this relationship and you are teaching your kids a pretty fucked up lesson about love and respect by staying.

Sounds miserable.

Ok, he keeps you a roof over your head and just that. Nothing much else. You are budgeting and living on a permanent religious fast due to what reasons? Religious? Anti divorce? Idealistic?

Let's get to the bottom of what you want: to continue this way or to divorce

The woman has fallen into the trap of the high earner worker. Basically life hasn’t changed for him that much. He feels entitled as he works very hard so is his ‘“right” They always have someone who earns a lot less. Easy to control and keep in the cage doing the chores. Fuck that! However, you seem to imply is working? Each to their own but I would advise against this set up.

The children should be out first and not faced with living with this

divorce (having sort legal advice and he would have hidden assets) decent settlement to get a comfortable house

The kids are pretty happy. They have a lot of fun and there is very little conflict in their lives. Admittedly, they're still very little.

Mine transfers 2k for the month and he earns a bit less than yours. That's the least of your problems though, you basically don't have a marriage in this scenario. Husband is missing out hugely but he must be hoarding huge amounts of money somewhere. I wouldn't want to live such weird segmented lives though, your kids are going to grow up with a bloody weird idea of family and relationships.

Op are you the wife, as you really don’t need to keep talking about yourself in the third person,

Where is he putting the surplus money? Do you have full visibility over your shared marital assets (i.e. everything he earns), or do you just get given your allowance? If you ever divorce this man, beware that he might have squirrelled it away in places you don't know about, and therefore you won't get the settlement you deserve.

We both wanted one. Nor has it proven to be a bad decision. She has brought so much joy.