What do you think of this situation?

[TheScream268]

Interested to see what people think of this situation.

2 kids under 10. One nursery age.

Husband works 80-100 hours a week. Rarely home before midnight, often home in the early hours of the morning. Earns £200k+ in a stressful job. Sleeps till late on the weekend, then heads to the gym. Enjoys a few drinks on weekend nights, then sleeps late the next morning. Sees the kids for maybe 2-3 hours a week - might take them to the park or the shop at the weekend or do a bit of homework with the older one but that's it.

Wife does freelance work around the kids. Before the youngest was born, used to earn maybe £20-30k a year. Wife hasn't worked much since the toddler arrived (not in nursery). Wife does all the housework, cooking, childcare, school runs, bedtime, bath-time, trips out with the kids, birthday parties, night wakings, sick days.

Husband transfers the wife £800pcm to pay for everything relating to the kids and house.

What a sad sad existence. Wife can't possibly want to live like this - she needs to leave him, get half and build a proper life for herself
What a prick

I think the lack of time together is more concerning.

The kids are a joy. Hard work but an absolute delight. A bit noisy. Funny, quirky, easy-going, sweet-tempered.

The wife isn't bothered about the lack of time together. She doesn't want to share the kids with the husband because she doesn't think he deserves them. She thinks it's his problem if he misses out.

If I were the wife I'd divorce the husband

I'd be much better off potential 70/30 split plus child maintenance would be way more than £800 a month

As for not seeing the dad/husband - no change if divorced

Win for wife, I'd say.

No change for children

What are you hoping for by posting? What’s the end goal?

Why are you even together?

Different perspectives? A bit more clarity?

Do you love him, OP? Has your relationship been equal in earlier times before DC? Do you think you are equal now?

Soundsa bloody awful way to live. If I were the wife, I would divorce the husband. I'd get more per month and have a nicer life.

Ok I get that

do you want to stay in this situation? Financially you will probably be better off separating and you wlll know where you stand.

This is awful.

OP, I'm assuming you are The Wife..

Can you book a holiday with a kids club to get some proper 1-1 time with your husband and discuss how totally unsatisfactory all of this is.

You should be managing the household finances TOGETHER. Make and agree a budget TOGETHER - that reflects your shared goals and priorities. You should be a team/ be on the same page.

I get that he works his nuts off to earn this super salary and, of course, needs some time to recover at the weekend. But this all sounds so transactional and joyless. It sounds like you are a glorified housekeeper/ nanny. And not a very well paid one, at that.

You must both be missing the connection that brought you together in the first place - I think you might need to find that again.

Sending you good wishes.

It's absolutely crazy that you should be scrimping and saving to afford basic groceries when your husband earns £200K.

Husband will die of a heart attack brought on by his lack of work/life balance.

Wife will inherit everything.

Wife can spend whatever she likes on the kids.

Husband is showing signs of stress/burnout and definitely has some psychological disorders potentially brought on by overwork. No aggression, violence or abuse though, just detachment.

Eeerrrr nope. Wife needs a lot more

What's he doing with the rest of the cash is what I'd want to know

Wife and kids have a good time together. Spend hours outdoors on walks/at the playground, bake their own bread, dance around the room to crazy videos. The wife lets the kids stay up too late in the holidays. If the husband is unexpectedly home early, it's annoying for him as he likes to have a drink and some peace and quiet. Wife goes to bed when the kids do as she has work to do before they get up the next day.

What is actually the point of these 2 people being married if they live entirely separate lives?

You....sorry she, would get more if you, sorry she, left him and claimed maintenance.

Do you think you are equal now?

Husband would say not because he has worked so hard. He enjoys the recognition and success that come with it.

Wife would admit that she has had the better/happier end of the deal in her opinion because she has been there with the kids, cuddled up with them in bed at night as babies, seen their little smiles, watched them fall asleep, heard them giggle and splash in the bath together, caught them as they fell when climbing, cheered them when they managed to do something new, played in the sand with them, watched them and all their friends having fun together...

No, it’s the children’s problem if they’re missing out on a proper relationship with both their parents.

Husband is stingy. He should have a joint a/c with his wife. He also sounds like he doesn’t much like being a dad. Why work all those hours and hardly see his children? Could he not do less hours?

Are the separate rooms for practical reasons or has the relationship broken down? Both husband and wife could do with counselling. Where does the wife see this going? She doesn’t sound loved and more like an employee that husband has reluctantly taken on.

If the marriage isn’t already dead, it will be soon.

Financial and emotional abuse.

I think it’s everyone’s problem if he misses out on spending time with them. You’ve said husband is clearly burnt out from this arrangement and wife clearly has checked out of the marital relationship. So what’s the point? Either it needs a reassessment of the agreement of the dynamics of the relationship with perhaps counselling and lots of work to sustain the relationship, or it carries on as is with wife and husband clearly not entirely fulfilled, or they divorce?

I'd say divorce and get rid of the financial abuse. The wife will be much better off.

Fuck, in a very real sense, that.