What do you think of this situation?

[TheScream268]

Interested to see what people think of this situation.

2 kids under 10. One nursery age.

Husband works 80-100 hours a week. Rarely home before midnight, often home in the early hours of the morning. Earns £200k+ in a stressful job. Sleeps till late on the weekend, then heads to the gym. Enjoys a few drinks on weekend nights, then sleeps late the next morning. Sees the kids for maybe 2-3 hours a week - might take them to the park or the shop at the weekend or do a bit of homework with the older one but that's it.

Wife does freelance work around the kids. Before the youngest was born, used to earn maybe £20-30k a year. Wife hasn't worked much since the toddler arrived (not in nursery). Wife does all the housework, cooking, childcare, school runs, bedtime, bath-time, trips out with the kids, birthday parties, night wakings, sick days.

Husband transfers the wife £800pcm to pay for everything relating to the kids and house.

So if he is earning that much and spends so little where is the money going (or how high is the mortgage)

this is just not sustainable something has to give in this situation be it the marriage/the house/the job or all of them!

tjere is no love or communication and the children will notice

This sounds awful.. how is this any kind of a partnership? I don't think the husband should have had kids if he spends so little time with them

He must be a very heavy coke user to exist on those hours, if indeed he is working.

What nonsense, these hours are very very common in some industries, banking, m&a, big law, and the overwhelming majority are not coke heads.

So he takes home nearly 10,000 a month? And gives her 800? Wow.

totally evident he has a mistress.

Has the wife filed for divorce yet?

And a lot of employees in those industries do indulge.

I don't see how it is sustainable to work those hours without something giving.

However, I'm not convinced he is at work for 80 - 100 hours a week.

This is a terrible, abusive marriage. I wouldn't stay another minute, but you seem determined to suffer. In your situation I would find money somewhere for counseling to figure out why you are so eager to justify this life to yourself. Also, the children aren't fine. Children absorb, whether you think they do or not. The research shows that your boys are likely to grow up to be abusive and dismissive of their wives, and your daughters will marry men like dear old dad.

If that's ok with you, stay. If not, stop making excuses and make changes instead.

Wife has a husband who earns enough money to make it work better so wife should draw up a plan / structure that works for her?