Holiday & DD's friend is a no show

[unapprentice]

I booked a little caravan holiday for me, DD9 & her bestie a couple of months ago. Her mum was very eager for her to come & the girls were really excited. Messaged a few days ago & she said how excited her DD was and thanked me profusely, and confirmed she'd drop her to our house before 4pm, and we'd leave about 4.

Haven't heard anything from the mum today - it says she's active on Facebook but my messages are unread. I've messaged & called her auntie too but no response.

My DD has autism/ adhd and she's going to be so heartbroken! Seems really mean if she is just blanking me. I don't know her well tbh - must admit I was a bit surprised she was up for me taking her (not sure I would be) but she was & it just seems so harsh to do this now. Not sure what to do, should I cut my losses and leave without her at 5pm? Its only an hour down the road so no big rush but seems unlikely she's coming now & my DDs just getting more and more stressed with the not knowing 😔😔

Disgraceful behaviour from that other parent- I'd definitely be encouraging dd make other friends and not facilitating that friendship at all
Awful inconsiderate and inexcusable and that message from her is a bloody insult too

Yes, exactly.

You sound like a lovely mum OP, I’m sure your daughter is having lots of fun with you. Just be as vague back to this mum I think!

Just seems suss that they received that news in the 24 hours between her saying how excited her daughter was and the time she was due to be dropped off. Could just be a huge coincidence but it is a bit odd especially as OP said she’d been online a lot so could’ve sent that as soon as she knew. Either way I’d still give her the benefit of the doubt in case it’s true - better to be nice to someone lying than be rude to someone who against all odds is actually telling the truth!

Sounds like made-up bollocks to me.

Too vague to be genuine. Actually looks quite "considered" in how ambiguously it's worded, so my guess is she knows she's fucked up and is desperately trying to cover in a way that avoids specifics.

I'd probably reply "omg, so sorry to hear that you've had bad news. I had no idea. Hope you're doing OK. I've let Millie know as she was worried but she won't bring it up if it's upsetting".

If it was something genuine she'd either have given details that explain why she couldn't have let you know, OR she would say whatever actually sounded awful enough that you can't blame her (eg illness in family, she would have said and laid it on think).

You can't really take her to task but the fact she never gave you contact details or let you know as soon as she knew DD wasn't coming suggests she's a flake.

Ugh, that reply made me even madder. She’s played it well because if you start questioning her now you’ll be the terrible, inconsiderate person when she’s going through SUCH TRAUMA. But she’s behaved like an absolute wanker and I would be fuming. You just have to let it go and think never again with this particular mum.

I'd do it if she's genuine it won't matter it will be appreciated

You'd be surprised

Yep.

Flaky and manipulative. Not my sort.

Well, I would, yes.
If the sister really has really just been given a terminal diagnosis, the last thing she’d need is her niece immediately parachuted in to “make memories”.
What utter bilge.

I agree with PP that message reads as quite calculatedly vague.

I don't know for sure, mind you. Maybe she's very 'live laugh love' in her expressions and not a plain speaker. But someone explaining themselves after a genuine emergency would usually provide a fuller outline and apology even if only 'im so sorry for not being in touch, there was a family emergency/ my sister was unexpectedly taken ill.

I would acknowledge quite formally just to say 'sorry to hear you've had bad news'. And leave it there. Civil enough if she's genuine, plain enough to read as terse if she's not.

Has she still not messaged? How rude

Yes, I would be surprised. That's why I wrote what I did.

Naa, still no excuse to just not bother to text. I wouldn't even bother replying. If it's awkward in Tuesday that's on her.

Yes

I read it more the family (perhaps her dp's if she has one) had bad news and sister has taken dd for day/weekend instead. Rude not to let you know sooner though.

Even on the day my mum suddenly dropped dead I was able to get in touch with essential people (work / kids school and DC3 nursery as we were due in the next day for a settling in session)

Some people are just rude and selfish.

Although I'd not have agreed to my DC going in the first place 😕 I'm not sure how well thought out it all was.

Glad it's not ruined your trip.

Yeah I call bullshit on that OP. Ok if she blanked you on the day but I’d expect a very specific reason when she finally got in touch. I’d advise you to just not reply and not make any further effort with her at all.
Making new friends is always hard, for adults and kids alike, but you and your DD sound like lovely people so don’t do yourself down and put up with this kind of crap. There are plenty of people out there who would really value your friendship.

I hope they do have a decent explanation!

With my cynical hat on:

You host all play dates
Your DD never gets invited to her best friends house to play
You take the DC on days out
The mother didn't bother to reply to any messages about a break you were taking (and paying in full presumably) her DC on

She's using you OP, and feels she can flake out on previously made (and paid for by you) plans with no explanation. You and your DC are convenient if nothing better comes up. I would be encouraging your DC to make more friends, keep this one friend for school hours only, and stop being the one doing all the running about. I hope you and DC enjoy your break.

Nah sorry even when I've had close family members die I've still managed to ring work, cancel appointments etc or send a quick text to someone. Even if her sister has just received a terminal diagnosis which seems a bit convenient as she was acting flaky anyway, to not get in touch with the person who's supposed to be taking your child away with their child is just plain rude. The woman has been on Facebook online ffs so she can't be too traumatised to be on social media, she could have sent a message. I wouldn't have even responded to her message.

My ideal gif for this situation:

https://tenor.com/en-GB/view/sorrows-prayers-queen-charlotte-queen-charlotte-a-bridgerton-story-feel-better-my-condolences-gif-7390374847420600724

Really want the OP to read that a few times.

Users can spot the eternally nice. They take the piss because they can.

No more. No matter how much best friends they are.

A pretty shitty thing to do and the explanation is somewhat odd

i hope you and dd have a nice time anyway

as an aside though. I don’t think I’d offer take a child away unless I knew the parent really quite well. Nor would I want my children to go away with any parent I didn’t myself know quite well.

Also I would not take someone’s child on holiday if I only had their FB messenger details
what if there is an emergency
maybe it’s for the best that you can’t get through to her
Has she been in touch yet
did you leave for holiday